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Swann1719
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Posted: Mon Jul 2nd, 2007 09:54 pm |
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The Beginning of All Freedoms
The back patio of a crumbling Georgian in NW6.
Mahasin sneaks in and hides.
Abi comes out, answers her mobile and puts it on speaker.
Abi: Abigail Hunter.
Tina: (on the phone) AH? It’s me, T. I heard about the car bombs in London. I worry about you.
Abi: Yeah, you heard about the two green Mercedes?
Tina: They were bombs.
Abi: They were minor league bombs at best. Piker bombs. Only gasoline and propane and nails. You know, if they had driven that car into the nightclub, right inside, they could have taken out a thousand people. But I don’t think they could drive through those walls. That was this thick masonry.
Tina: Well, maybe that’s why they wanted to use Mercedes. To ram the walls.
Abi: Ahh. That’s a good point. Maybe that was the remit – to drive the cars into the nightclubs. And somebody bailed. They found the car in front of Tiger Tiger with the keys and the detonator right on the seat.
Tina: The guy bailed?
Abi: I think the guy bailed. Everybody is looking for that guy tonight. I mean everybody.
Tina: Even Al Qaeda has trouble getting decent help.
Abi: God himself couldn’t find reliable employees in London.
Abi notices Mahasin, starts, and gives a little shriek. He faces her and they stare at each other.
Tina: What? What was that?
Abi: Nothing. I should go.
Tina: I’ll let you go, sweetie. You take care of yourself.
Abi: Bye.
Mahasin takes a seat. Abi takes a seat across from him.
Abi: You have so much stress in your body. Here. Try to sit on your sit bones. Let your pelvis just rest on your sit bones without tightening here. And release the tightening from your spine. Imagine growing taller. Your shoulders are so hunched. Let go of it here. All through here. And this one is really hard. Try to soften the muscles in your back. Soften your stomach. It’s ok. Just try to release.
She watches Mahasin try to release.
Abi: Alexander Technique. Saved my life. (pause) Well, you know. That and the drugs. Take a deep breath. Do you want some ibuprofen? Valium? Pot? A drink? Look, you need something. Cortisol is flooding your front cortex and in the end that makes coping much harder. You have to do something to slow the flood of cortisol or you will never stop having that panicky feeling.
Mahasin: I do not have a panicky feeling.
Abi: You have no idea what you are actually feeling. Look at the objective evidence. Your body is manifesting extreme fear.
Mahasin’s body has contracted back to before he tried to release.
Abi: Look, I know you’re the guy from Tiger Tiger.
Mahasin: Of course I am not.
Abi: You know something? The flat upstairs is a Mossad safe house with active Mossad security. They’re right outside in a car. I just have to yell.
Mahasin: Why not yell?
Abi: I wanna know why.
Mahasin: Why.
Abi: Why didn’t you drive the Mercedes into Tiger Tiger?
Mahasin is silent.
Abi: Also, why a green Mercedes?
Mahasin is silent.
Abi: You couldn’t bring yourself to kill innocent people
Mahasin: Of course. That is the reason. I saw the errors of my ways. Now I wish to follow George Bush.
Abi: George Bush is a bad man and a bad president. I am sorry for the trouble he has caused.
Mahasin: So you are not a follower of George Bush?
Abi: I moved out of the country when he got elected.
Mahasin: But the British government is a follower of George Bush.
Abi: I know. I’m sorry about them, too.
Mahasin: Are you married to a Muslim?
Abi: Nope.
Mahasin: Are you a Christian?
Abi: Not any more.
Mahasin: Do you know the teachings of Allah?.
Abi: You trying to convert me?
Mahasin: No.
Abi: Why did you leave the keys in the car?
Mahasin: I could not force myself to die.
Abi: Huh. Wow. I’d like to get me some of that.
Mahasin: What?
Abi: I have bipolar. I have to guard against suicide all the time. I have to force myself to live.
Mahasin: Oh.
Abi: It helps if you try to relax your muscles.
Mahasin releases.
Abi: It wasn’t the thought that you would be killing innocent people?
Mahasin: No. Regrettably this is the way war must now be waged.
Abi: Why must war be raised?
Mahasin: Because our enemies will not leave us alone.
Abi: It’s true. We don’t leave you alone. Iraq, Israel, Palestine, Afghanistan . . . we won’t leave you alone.
Mahasin: No.
Abi: There wasn’t even a “you” before we created you. There was no loose coalition of states with conflicting interests unifying over the threat of a common enemy – the U.S.
Mahasin: And Britain is with them.
Abi: No. No. No. The people aren’t with them. But the people cannot change the leaders until the elections. And no leader will agree to peace. If we could find a leader who was serious about leaving you alone, I would vote for them.
Mahasin: It is the just result of international law that the West withdraw from the Middle East.
Abi: I would love to see a return of the rule of law. But this would require Americans to admit that they have made some mistakes and it would require America to learn from other nations. I encounter endless hostility from my American relatives when I suggest this.
Mahasin: Of course.
Abi: Good. They cannot help it. They have been raised to believe that Americans are God’s chosen people and we are uniquely qualified by his grace to bring democracy to the world.
Mahasin: But not you. Expatriates are the most enlightened of the Americans.
Abi: I would rather be back in the States in a big house not thinking about this kind of crap.
Mahasin: Not to feel the shame.
Abi: I feel no shame for the state of my country. Rule of law, capitalism and civil rights and liberties. It’s the only way to go.
Mahasin: Not for me. For me, Islam is the only way to go.
Abi: The right to be left alone is indeed the beginning of all freedoms.
Mahasin: Perhaps.
Abi: Could that be why you didn’t drive the Mercedes into Tiger Tiger?
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playwright_bo
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| Location: | Juneau, Alaska USA |
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Posted: Sat Dec 8th, 2007 07:44 pm |
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Question: Is this worth working on?
Answer: Yes, yes, and more yes.
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Paddy
Moderator
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Posted: Sun Dec 30th, 2007 04:23 pm |
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Yes. Absolutely. Keep going.
But set this way, it is, in my opinion, way too expository...beginning with the call, that feels like the set up.
Although the conversation is interesting, between them, you may be able to make this way more interesting by where you put the characters, and what they are doing.
So, the meat of something interesting, but maybe the wrong bread?
Whatever - the best thing to do anyway is just get it out, then play with it after.
Paddy
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muncy
Member
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Posted: Mon Dec 31st, 2007 09:47 pm |
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Ah, can't believe I missed this. I was on holiday at the time, that's my excuse.
Agree with everything Paddy says, I think that the charaters need umphing up a bit but it is definately the start of something good.
I think it has the potential to be funny. After all, that particular bout terrorist activity was all a bit of a farce and is generally ridiculed in the media. (I hope they were better doctors than terrorists or God help the NHS)
On the other hand it could be an opportunity to put over a serious message and to study of the conflicting emotions that Mahasin is feeling.
Either way, you need to do something with this!
David
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nic
Member
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Posted: Tue Jan 1st, 2008 01:24 am |
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Couldn't agree more. Keep working on it. I refrain from making any specific comments, the more of those you get the more confused you're likely to become but yep, I like what you're about, keep going.
The best Nic
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lostsocks
Member
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Posted: Sat Jan 19th, 2008 06:07 pm |
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I enjoyed this, it feels like the bones are there, you just need to add a bit more flesh if that makes sense
Would love to read it again and see how it is coming along
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Swann1719
Member
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Posted: Sun Jan 20th, 2008 04:12 pm |
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Thanks everyone for the comments. I now am working on it set in a holding cell in a prison in D.C. between Mahasin and his appointed defense attorney. Doing the research is kind of freaking me out because once someone is classified as an enemy combatant under the Patriot Act, they don't really have too many rights. But the heart of it, the wondering why, is still there. Will post soon. I appreciate the encouragement so so much on this issue which is so difficult for so many including
your friendly neighbourhood
Swann
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Will Kemp
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Posted: Fri Mar 28th, 2008 02:51 am |
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Oh, so the heart of it is the wondering why, why he did not ram the car into the bar. . .yes, that is an interesting question. . .why this terrorist does not carry out his job.
I read this post because I am interested myself in the idea of freedom, or rather, the emotional need we have for freedom.
Nobody speaks up for freedom anymore. Good play topic, to me.
I think it's worth working on, sure I agree with Paddy, just write it out and work on it later.
I like it when the Muslim speaks his short, clipped sentences. What if you wrote a monologue for him, and for the other characters in the plays? It helped me to write monologues for all my characters, even though I am not using them inthe play I am writing. This guy sounds real cool, knows all the answers. I wonder what upsets him.
p.s. where can I buy one of those white costumes you're wearing?
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Martin H
Member
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Posted: Fri Mar 28th, 2008 10:37 am |
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The only real problem for me is that the argument is so suddenly out front, in detail and in depth. That and the plausibility issue. A woman with bipolar disorder has a sudden, apparently correct, hunch that the man sitting across from her was the driver of a Mercedes wired to blow up and doesn't feel any panic? Goes into Plato's dialogue mode immediately? This seems more plausible than I would have thought, because of the lucidity of the argument that develops, but it still feels like a question you've rushed past.
It's an interesting argument you're developing, though as yet Mahasim's side of it seems a little undernourished. To make it really effective you might need to subsume some of it in more ordinary conversation. What's here already is fascinating though, and I certainly hope you go on with it.
Seeing how far back this original post was, and what you've written about revisions, it's easily possible these remarks of mine are redundant, or referring to an earlier state of the play that you've gone beyond since. Nevertheless, for what it's worth.
Last edited on Fri Mar 28th, 2008 10:39 am by Martin H
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Will Kemp
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Posted: Fri Mar 28th, 2008 03:08 pm |
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I had another thought, after sleeping on this play.
I want to know the human side of this seemingly cool guy.
It is so tempting to turn somebody else's play into your own. However, this guy does remind me of a guy I knew. .. but when you learned about the human side under him, he was quite human, just like the rest of us, and had a lot of issues around sex, drinking, his parents, forced marriages in his country etc.
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