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hestiasdaughter
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Posted: Wed Sep 5th, 2007 03:55 am |
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Ok, so here's the deal. I have to write a ten-minute play for my playwriting class. I made some characters that I really like; Dalia, a woman who recently became homeless and draws to earn what money she can, and Jarred a man who recently had an injury of some sort to his leg and now walks with a cane. The only problem is - I am stuck on the plot! I tried just writing out dialogue to see where it goes and all I get is that...dialogue...and a fair amount of nice interactions between Dalia and Jarred. So far Jarred find out that Dalia has drawn a picture of him and has been eyeing him for days...other than that...nothing...just more interaction. I myself think there needs to be an extra sparkle to what I already have written. Any suggestions? I'll post what I have so far. That might be helpful to you all. Thanks in advance!
Mid day in October, and briskly cold. DALIA is sitting underneath a tree in the park with a large leather bag across her lap, and a hat next to her. She opens the bag and pulls out a sketch book and a pencil. She flips open the cover and a few pages, and then starts to draw.
JARRED
(JARRED groans and sits down next to DALIA and begins to rub his leg. DALIA gives JARRED a concerned look.)
(slightly defensive)
What?!
DALIA
(earnestly)
Nothing.
(DALIA continues drawing in her sketchbook)
JARRED
(JARRED looks over DALIA’S shoulder)
You draw?
DALIA
Pencil drawings mostly, yes.
JARRED
May I see?
(DALIA brings the sketchbook closer to her chest as JARRED approaches her. JARRED tries to take it from DALIA, but DALIA keeps on turning away from JARRED. JARRED finally is able to grab it from DALIA’S grasp. DALIA beings to look nervous as JARRED scans the picture.)
(impressed)
It’s…amazing!
DALIA
(blushes and looks away from JARRED)
Thank you.
JARRED
It’s…me…
DALIA
Yes.
JARRED
Before I got my cane.
DALIA
That’s how I always saw you. Until today.
(DALIA picks up her pencil and begins to scribble on the paper again)
JARRED
What are you doing? I thought you were finished?
(DALIA puts down pencil and shows her sketch book to JARRED. JARRED stares at the picture with wide eyes)
DALIA
Fixing it.
(DALIA gives a shy smile)
JARRED
You added my cane. Why?
DALIA
It’s you.
(DALIA shivers a little and wraps her arms around her body)
JARRED
(JARRED takes off his jacket and hands it to DALIA)
Here. Take it.
DALIA
(DALIA turns away from JARRED and shakes her head)
No, I’m fine.
JARRED
You’re freezing. Take it.
DALIA
I said I’m fine.
(JARRED moves toward DALIA and tries to put his jacket on her shoulders, but DALIA repeatedly throws it off)
JARRED
We can’t both be stubborn.
DALIA
Look, I don’t need your help! Or your sympathy! All I need is me and my sketchbook.
(DALIA pauses in thought)
That’s how I survive.
JARRED
There is another way.
(JARRED hands over his jacket once more. DALIA scoffs, then reluctantly grabs JARRED’S jacket and puts it on.)
DALIA
(DALIA smiles)
This is a nice jacket.
JARRED
You’re welcome.
(there is a pause of silence between the two. JARRED looks out to the distances in thought while DALIA flips over a page in her sketchbook and starts drawing a new picture)
I’m surprised.
DALIA
By what?
JARRED
You never asked…you know…
DALIA
What?
JARRED
You mean…you’re not even the least bit curious about why I have this cane in the first place? And why my leg hurts with the worse pain I’ve ever felt in my life?
DALIA
(DALIA puts her pencil on her sketchbook and looks at JARRED square in the eyes)
Does it matter? Honestly?
JARRED
(scoffs)
DALIA
(to the point, and somewhat tartly)
I didn’t mean it like that.
JARRED
(JARRED begins rubbing his leg again)
Life’s funny, with its curveballs.
DALIA
Life is a curveball. Simple as that.
(DALIA tears out a page from her sketchbook and hands it to JARRED. JARRED slowly takes it from DALIA’S hands.)
JARRED
Are you sure?
DALIA
Yes. I’m very sure.
JARRED
Thank you. Very much.
Oh, by the way...I was thinking of changing the setting to a street instead of a park. Again, thanks for your time. :)
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muncy
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Posted: Wed Sep 5th, 2007 06:00 pm |
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Here is a suggestion. It might help.
Ask your self some questions about your characters. Write them down. Don't try to answer them just ask them. Do as many as you like. As ridiculous as you like. Examples.
What was Jarred's last meal?
Does he hate his mother?
Does he have a criminal record?
What is his sexual orientation?
How does he feel about religion?
Did he vote for Bush?
What is his level of education?
etc etc etc.
Then look through the questions and see what they suggest. Are there possibilities for conflict between your characters? Can they embark on a common purpose? What is the problem and how are you going to solve it.
Hopefully this will give you a few ideas where to go. Let us know how you get on.
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hestiasdaughter
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Posted: Wed Sep 5th, 2007 06:06 pm |
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Muncy, thank you for taking the time to read and help me out. I was thinking perhaps I could make them exes (not nessicarily ex husand and ex wife, but maybe ex boyfriend and ex girlfriend). I've made Dalia a little bull headed and somewhat aggressive as well. Now I need to work on characteristics for Jarred. Anyways, again, thanks for your help! When I get more written on this, I'll definately post it up right away.
sincerely,
hestiasdaughter
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hestiasdaughter
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Posted: Thu Sep 6th, 2007 02:00 am |
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Alright. I have (more or less) finished the 10 minute play. Enjoy, and please feel free to give me any suggestions or crits of any kind! Thanks. :)
Mid day in October, and briskly cold. DALIA is sitting underneath a tree in the park with a large leather bag across her lap, and a hat next to her. She opens the bag and pulls out a sketch book and a pencil. She flips open the cover and a few pages, and then starts to draw.
JARRED
(JARRED groans and sits down next to DALIA and begins to rub his leg. DALIA gives JARRED a concerned look.)
(slightly defensive)
What?!
DALIA
(earnestly)
Nothing.
(DALIA continues drawing in her sketchbook)
JARRED
(JARRED looks over DALIA’S shoulder)
You draw now?
DALIA
Pencil drawings mostly, yes.
JARRED
May I see?
(DALIA brings the sketchbook closer to her chest as JARRED approaches her. JARRED tries to take it from DALIA, but DALIA keeps on turning away from JARRED. JARRED finally is able to grab it from DALIA’S grasp. DALIA beings to look nervous as JARRED scans the picture.)
(impressed)
It’s…amazing!
DALIA
(blushes and looks away from JARRED)
Thank you.
JARRED
It’s…me…
DALIA
Yes.
JARRED
Before I got my cane.
DALIA
That’s how I always saw you. Until today.
(DALIA picks up her pencil and begins to scribble on the paper again)
JARRED
What are you doing? I thought you were finished?
(DALIA puts down pencil and shows her sketchbook to JARRED. JARRED stares at the picture with wide eyes)
DALIA
Fixing it.
(DALIA gives a shy smile)
JARRED
You added my cane. Why?
DALIA
It’s you.
(DALIA shivers a little and wraps her arms around her body)
JARRED
(JARRED takes off his jacket and hands it to DALIA)
Here. Take it.
DALIA
(DALIA turns away from JARRED and shakes her head)
No, I’m fine.
JARRED
You’re freezing. Take it.
DALIA
I said I’m fine.
(JARRED moves toward DALIA and tries to put his jacket on her shoulders, but DALIA repeatedly throws it off)
JARRED
We can’t both be stubborn.
DALIA
Look, I don’t need your help! Or your sympathy! All I need is me and my sketchbook.
(DALIA pauses in thought)
That’s how I survive.
JARRED
There is another way.
(JARRED hands over his jacket once more. DALIA scoffs, then reluctantly grabs JARRED’S jacket and puts it on.)
DALIA
(DALIA smiles)
This is a nice jacket.
JARRED
You’re welcome.
(there is a pause of silence between the two. JARRED looks out to the distances in thought while DALIA flips over a page in her sketchbook and starts drawing a new picture)
I’m surprised.
DALIA
By what?
JARRED
You never asked…you know…
DALIA
What?
JARRED
You mean…you’re not even the least bit curious about why I have this cane in the first place? And why my leg hurts with the worse pain I’ve ever felt in my life?
DALIA
(DALIA puts her pencil on her sketchbook and looks at JARRED square in the eyes)
Does it matter? Honestly?
JARRED
(scoffs)
DALIA
(to the point, and somewhat tartly)
I didn’t mean it like that.
JARRED
(JARRED begins rubbing his leg again)
Life’s funny, with its curveballs.
DALIA
Life is a curveball. Simple as that. This is a curveball.
(DALIA tears out a page from her sketchbook and hands it to JARRED. JARRED slowly takes it from DALIA’S hands.)
JARRED
Are you sure?
DALIA
Yes. I’m very sure.
JARRED
Thank you. Very much.
(JARRED leans over towards DALIA and pulls back her hair to show her face. Immediately, DALIA violently slaps JARRED across his cheek)
Don’t you dare touch me like that!!! You’ve got some nerve!
JARRED
(JARRED is left speechless for a couple of seconds and just rubs his sore cheek)
I’m…I’m sorry.
DALIA
It’s too late for that now, isn’t it. Time’s moved on. I’ve moved on.
JARRED
Clearly you haven’t.
DALIA
Ha! And what’s that supposed to mean?
JARRED
You’re a mess, that’s what. Your clothes, your moods, everything.
DALIA
Oh! And like you care?!
JARRED
I do. (beat) I really do.
DALIA
(bitterly)
Yeah. Actions speak louder than words.
JARRED
You don’t think I feel any regret for what I’ve done?
DALIA
No. I don’t. You’re just here for a pity party about your leg. Well the party’s over.
JARRED
Look…I…
DALIA
Don’t say you’re sorry. Don’t say you regret what you’ve done.
JARRED
But I do regret it.
DALIA
Do you think Laura regretted it?! Or Samantha?! Or all those other college girls you’ve messed with while we were together?!
JARRED
Hey, small towns can weave big stories.
DALIA
Excuses, excuses.
(in an intense whisper to herself)
Whores’re what they were.
JARRED
There is such a thing as forgiveness you know.
DALIA
Oh, I have forgiven. I just haven’t forgotten.
JARRED
(in disbelief)
You’re making this a three-year obsession?
DALIA
I’ll make it a one hundred-year obsession if I have to.
JARRED
That’s ridiculous!
DALIA
And you’re scandalous! Not in a good way either.
(with increased speed and tenseness)
How’d you do it, huh? Oral or anal?!?!
JARRED
Neither! I didn’t! (beat) Calm down, just relax.
DALIA
(sarcastically) When did you find out that screwing around was wrong?
JARRED
When I got stabbed in the thigh by my fiancée Allison!
DALIA
(DALIA is very confused, but tries to hide it)
You lie.
JARRED
You think this cane is a lie? You think my pain is a lie?
(DALIA becomes speechless now. She begins to draw at an intense speed. JARRED takes a deep breath and prepares to tell DALIA what has happened.)
We were going to get married, and we had already arranged wedding plans. It was going to be beautiful (DALIA sniffs) – just hear me out. Anyways, then came the rehearsal dinner – and Allison’s cousin, Mallory. She just popped out of nowhere in this skimpy deep red dress. She took my hand and led me to the dance floor. Before I knew it we were dancing the tango! What a rush! Then Allison stepped in, pissed off. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me over to the end of the room, where no one was. Without a word of warning she whipped a knife out of her stockings and (JARRED imitates a crazy person stabbing and digging a knife into his leg) stabbed me.
DALIA
(sarcastically) Boo-hoo.
JARRED
She’s a freakin’ psychopath! Who in their right mind would carry a knife with them?!
DALIA
You deserved it.
JARRED
(sighs) I know. I didn’t learn from you.
DALIA
Yeah. (beat) I’m sorry…for what I said about your leg. You weren’t here for a pity party after all.
JARRED
Let me make it up to you. Come back home with me. Tonight. We can have dinner or something.
DALIA
No thank you.
JARRED
Are you sure? I think you’ll feel a lot better.
DALIA
Yes. I’m sure.
JARRED
You’re happy? Out here?
DALIA
Stop! I already told you I’m fine here! I like where I am!
JARRED
Fine.
(JARRED groans as he pushes himself up with his cane. He turns around to look at DALIA once again. She looks downward at her sketchbook, as if she’s seeing through it. )
It was…it was nice seeing you again.
DALIA
(at her sketchbook)
You don’t have to butter me up. I’ve gotten pretty used to be being on my own.
JARRED
I know. Don’t feel afraid to come around though, you know, if you need to.
DALIA
Ok.
(DALIA takes off JARRED’S jacket and hands it over to him)
Here, you can have this back.
JARRED
No, that’s ok. You can keep it if you want.
DALIA
Thanks. I really appreciate that.
(DALIA reaches in the pockets of the jacket and pulls out a leather wallet)
Don’t forget your wallet.
JARRED
Oh, I thought I had that in my pants pocket.
(JARRED takes the wallet out of DALIA’S hand. He then opens the wallet and pulls out a couple of bills and plops them in DALIA’S hat.)
DALIA
What’s that for?
JARRED
For the picture you gave me.
DALIA
Oh…you didn’t have to do that!
JARRED
I wanted to. It really was incredible you know. You deserve it.
DALIA
(smiles)
I was told by a certain young man that I had a knack for it.
JARRED
(grins)
And I hold by that statement till this day. (beat) Well, I’ve gotta go. It’s getting late.
DALIA
Good bye then.
JARRED
Good night.
(JARRED walks along the sidewalk and offstage)
DALIA
(DALIA looks over to her side and picks up the hat. She puts her hand in and takes out the bills that JARRED gave her and counts them. She clasps her hand over her mouth to keep from gasping.)
$100?! He gave me $100?!?! That’s ten times more money than what I get in a week!
(DALIA slowly puts the money in JARRED’S jacket.)
(as if to JARRED) Thanks. But I don’t think we could make it. Not together. Remember when we first went out together? It was like heaven. Then…things went wrong. We fought all the time. We both became distant with each other. But why am I telling you this? You already know.
(DALIA pauses and sighs)
Good bye.
(DALIA lays down on the ground and closes her eyes to go to sleep.)
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