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Paddy
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Posted: Fri Dec 14th, 2007 03:28 pm |
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...with bird poop on her shoulder.
Write a two page play. That might be the begining. It might be the end.
See what you can do. See what we can come up with. Consider the play's genre. Maybe try something you haven't before.
Post your play in playwrights gym...each play, should have its own thread.
Comment on others' plays.
Have fun.
Paddy
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shirleyk
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Posted: Fri Dec 14th, 2007 07:39 pm |
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GOING DOWN
By Shirley King
(ROB is in the elevator. KATI enters.)
ROB: Kati. Hey.
KATI: (Unenthusiastically.) Hey.
ROB: Going down?
KATI: Where else would I be going?
ROB: I don’t know. Up, down all the same to me. I could ride this puppy all day.
KATI: This isn’t like you, Rob. You’re the guy who curses this elevator because it keeps getting stuck.
ROB: I’m sure it must have issues.
KATI: Issues? An elevator doesn’t have issues.
ROB: Please. Would it hurt you to show some compassion?
KATI: Ah ... okay, now I get it. You’re messing with my head.
ROB: Why would I want to do that?
KATI: Oh, because I went out with you once, had a really rotten time and told you never to call me again?
ROB: Was that what happened? Guess it slipped my mind.
KATI: Slipped your mind when? After you called my mom and upset her so much that she forgot to close the bird cage? Do you know what it’s like to have parrot poop all over your favorite pink sweater? And why did you call my mom, anyway? She doesn’t like you any more than I do.
ROB: Kati, you seem a bit tense. Let me help. Breathe in, breathe out, slowly.
KATI: Don’t think I’ll go out with you just because you’re being nice.
ROB: Was I not nice before?
KATI: You were a total freakout. Oh-mi-god. Why aren’t we moving?
ROB: I believe we’re stuck between two floors.
KATI: I’m stuck in this elevator with you?
ROB: With me, the total freakout.
KATI: Well ... I’m sure you must have some good qualities.
ROB: One being I know how to get this elevator moving.
KATI: You do?
ROB: Think about it: if you were forced to always carry people in a vertical direction and never allowed to go horizontal, wouldn’t you rebel?
KATI: Rob, this is an elevator, a stupid machine. It doesn’t have feelings.
ROB: You want to get out of here? Please speak nicely to the elevator.
KATI: I don’t believe this. Okay. Elevator, I think you’re fantastic.
ROB: Won’t do. We’re waiting for more sincerity.
KATI: Dammit, elevator, I sincerely want you to haul --
ROB: Kati, that is not how we address the elevator. Try again. This time close your eyes and become one with your surroundings. Then speak softly.
(KATI closes her eyes.)
KATI: Elevator, you very fine piece of equipment, would you mind taking me to the first floor? I would be ever so grateful. Okay, can I open my eyes now?
(ROB pushes one of the buttons.)
ROB: Yes, you may.
KATI: It’s moving. The elevator’s moving. Oh, thank God. We’ve landed!
ROB: Tell me, Kati, have you learned anything from this life-changing experience?
KATI: Yes, Rob, I have.
ROB: And what might that be?
KATI: I’m still not going out with you, you weirdo, and from now on I’m taking the stairs. Oh, and about my mom? Don’t think I will ever forgive you for that.
ROB: What? Just for calling her to say hi?
KATI: For trying to get to me through her and furthermore, for leaving her with ... with ...
ROB: With what, Kati?
KATI: ... with bird poop on her shoulder!
ENDLast edited on Fri Dec 14th, 2007 08:58 pm by shirleyk
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shirleyk
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Posted: Fri Dec 14th, 2007 07:45 pm |
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Why oh why does this happen? I only clicked "send once" and my little play chose to repeat itself many times. I did manage to edit the duplicates to get rid of them but I'm wondering what I keep doing to make this happen.
Sorry!
Any information will be appreciated.
ShirleyLast edited on Fri Dec 14th, 2007 08:57 pm by shirleyk
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Paddy
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Posted: Sat Dec 15th, 2007 03:07 am |
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Shirley.
Remembered to delete your extra posts, but forgot to comment. I really love this idea. The dialgue flows. The situation is really fun.
I think the revealing of their past could be a little more conversational.
I also think I'd like them stuck a little longer.
I think this is a wonderful start to something.
Really nicely done.
Paddy
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shirleyk
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Posted: Sat Dec 15th, 2007 04:06 am |
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Thanks, Paddy. I now realize that I'm shameless. I'll accept any kind of writing challenge, even one involving bird poop.
But I did manage to exercise some restraint. I also have a chicken play I could have sent.
Your suggestions are noted and appreciated but with a two page play I couldn't keep those two in the elevator much longer. Also, I didn't like them very much so I was glad you didn't ask for a three page play.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Shirley
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alan0198
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Posted: Sun Dec 16th, 2007 06:08 pm |
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terrific start. They're real. Like Paddy, I'd love more development. And does he purposefully stop the elevator?
Onward!
Alan
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shirleyk
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Posted: Mon Dec 17th, 2007 12:16 am |
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Alan, thanks so much for your encouragement.
Does he stop the elevator? Good question! I don't think so. I think it just happened.
I see one major flaw in this play as no character change whatever. Those two end up pretty much as they began, but given a few more pages they might redeem themselves and become more likable.
Thanks again, Alan!
Shirley
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Edd
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Posted: Mon Dec 17th, 2007 05:08 pm |
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Shirley,
"I see one major flaw in this play as no character change whatever."
That may be a flaw in Playwrighting 101, but in the real world you need only begin by making the play engaging and the characters interesting. People don't always change, in fact they seldom do. The unchanged character can be the source of great amusement, or painful tragedy. A major flaw would be not to follow what sounds with the ring of truth.
~Edd
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shirleyk
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Posted: Mon Dec 17th, 2007 06:59 pm |
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Thanks, Edd, for this reminder. I believe I considered this an exercise more than a real play and probably shouldn't have posted it. But you know me; I can't resist a writing challenge.
It's probably true that most people don't change. I like to think that I've changed (a lot) but maybe I just feel good about seeing myself as a work in progress.
I certainly agree that authenticity and the ring of truth are what make a play work.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment, Edd. You've given me something to think about.
Shirley
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