| Author | Post |
|---|
alan0198
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jul 3rd, 2006 |
| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 113 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Wed Jul 11th, 2007 11:07 pm |
|
this prompted by Paddy's most recent challenge--responses? suggestions? what doesn't work?
Alan
No Atheists in These Foxholes
Characters:
Chaplain Smith: an all-purpose chaplain; wears a Roman collar, a yarmulke, a Greek cross, and camouflage vestments. Middle aged to elderly. Portly.
Captain Dominion: ramrod straight officer, mid 30s, WASP.
Sergeant Ashbury: mid 40s, a bit overweight, a bit sloppy, thinks of self as just one of the troops, unaware that by age and position is far removed from those same troops.
Private Benjamin: early 20s, straight arrow, totally dedicated to The Mission and The Military. Looks sharp despite the battlefield setting—fatigues should look like they’ve been freshly pressed.
Private Richards: early 20s, regards military as a bad joke
Scene: a battlefield, after the battle. It’s the choice of the producing organization whether it’s a desert, a jungle, a shattered urban area, farmland, or mountains. Costumes should be military fatigues, appropriate to the location (i.e., jungle/desert/winter camouflage, etc. It’d be fine if the costumes were from a range of historical periods). All roles may be played by either male or female performers.
AT RISE: Chaplain in full service; Dominion to one side of Chaplain, facing “congregation.” Benjamin and Richards sit facing Chaplain, with Ashbury behind them.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: And so we pray for the eternal repose of Hill, Rodriquez, Washington, Cohen, Abdullah, Chin, Yamamoto, Nkani, and (searches for name), and, and
CAPTAIN DOMINION: (hissing in a stage whisper) Nguyen
CHAPLAIN SMITH: What?
CAPTAIN DOMINION: (a little louder) Nguyen!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Mooney, and thus
CAPTAIN DOMINION: Not Mooney. Nguyen!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Jesus H. fucking Christ!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Stupid fucker doesn’t even know the names--
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Nguyen, and thus we celebrate their service to our country, their devotion to our God
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Shit!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
(CAPTAIN DOMINION shoots a glance at SERGEANT ASHBURY)
PRIVATE RICHARDS: This is bullshit!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: Button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Why should I?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: and their sacrifice for the causes of truth, decency, justice,
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And stupidity!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shut up!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: I said, button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: (standing) And I said, why should I? This is bullshit.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Uh, I’m trying to hold a memorial—
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And it’s bullshit.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: (standing) That’s enough soldier. Sit down and shut up. Show some respect for your squad members who died.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: With all due respect, Sir, this “memorial” insults the guys who were slaughtered here.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: What the fuck does that mean?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It means they died because this whole thing was a joke.
SERGEANT ASHBURY: A joke? You call a battle a joke?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It wasn’t a battle. It was an ambush. And we walked into it because our ‘leaders’ weren’t leading.
SERGEANT ASHBURY: You’re on thin ice, soldier! You’re close to insubordination!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Fuck off, Sarge. A meter maid would have had more sense that to walk us into this valley with no cover and no escape.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: Shut up, soldier. That’s an order!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You can fuck off too, Captain. You led us here, you let us get gunned down while you hid, and now some asshole chaplain tells us it was God’s will? And those dead guys were heroes?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: They were heroes, you cocksucker!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: They were victims. They died because these schmucks don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God’s will is often unknowable. But I’m sure these men didn’t die in vain.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You bet your sorry ass they died in vain. They’re dead. And for what? The enemy mowed them down, then took off. Sure as fuck they’ll attack us again, and more of us will die. What kind of God allows this to happen? Don’t you always say God’s on our side? So why do we keep dying?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God knows all; we can’t.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: I don’t know all, but I sure as hell know that God wasn’t paying much attention here. Or doesn’t give a shit. Or doesn’t exist.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: You can’t say that! God is here. God hears us. Remember, there are no atheists in foxholes! Soldiers need God!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God here. I haven’t seen any sign of any God around here. Or ever, for that matter. Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God is real. God sees all. It’s our weakness that stops us from comprehending God’s plan.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no plan, you doofus, either from God or from our leaders. Shut up, and let us get the fuck out of this deathtrap.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: I said to be quiet!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And I said, shut the fuck up, asshole!
CAPTAIN DOMINION: You’re on report, Private! You’re facing a court martial if you keep this up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Go ahead and court martial me, Sir. You want me to testify about this mission and the way you led it?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Richards! Stop it! Shut up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: No. I owe it to these guys who got killed not to shut up. Silence keeps these assholes in charge. And means more of us will die!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God will forgive your outbursts if you repent now.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: I doubt that. Something that doesn’t exist can’t forgive me. (Starts to exit.) I’m getting out of here. If you’re smart, you’ll join me.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: I can’t! We haven’t completed the mission!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Well, good luck. If you’re still alive, come visit me in the stockade. (Exits to the right)
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Sir?
SERGEANT ASHBURY: You want me to have him brought back, sir?
CAPTAIN DOMINION: Don’t bother. We’ll deal with him when we get back to base. Chaplain, are you done yet?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: I guess so.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: Good. Sergeant, form up the men. There are more valleys ahead, and we’ll be sure to catch up with the insurgents soon.
SERGEANT ASHBURY: With all due respect, sir, we need to return to base to restock our supplies. We’re perilously low on ammo.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: There’ll be time for that later. Move out, Sergeant.
SEGEANT ASHBURY: But, sir--
CAPTAIN DOMINION: That’s an order, Sergeant.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Right. You heard the Captain, men. God will lead us!
Raising his staff, CHAPLAIN SMITH follows CAPTAIN DOMINION, marching off to the left. SERGEANT ASHBURY and PRIVATE BENJAMIN glance at each other, and exit quickly to the right.
End.
|
Paddy
Moderator
|
Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 03:50 am |
|
Alan.
This is very powerful My first, Catholic upbringing knee jerk reaction was wy during the 'service'. Then I thought, ah...the most risque place for it to be. The idea is wonderful. There are so many hidden messages in this piece...starting with the multi-cultural names.
I needed to feel a difference between Dominion and Ashbury...they felt the same. I know it's a short piece...but you could reveal a bit more about the characters.
The Chaplain didn't react much to Richards... But P. Benjamin was very much there as a character...and I think we all knew he wouldn't be coming back from the next mission. Nice. No 2X4....just a subtle hint.
This - PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God here. I haven’t seen any sign of any God around here. Or ever, for that matter. Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this.
Hoping I'm not stepping on toes...but it's not far to fall if he never believed. Maybe once, he found evidence of God...................how? In what? Just seems it would be a bit more poingant if he fell from believing. Just my two cents.
Although I think some dialogue was a bit repetative...I think the play could be longer.
This - PRIVATE RICHARDS: Go ahead and court martial me, Sir. You want me to testify about this mission and the way you led it?
Could have been less in your face, and more teasy, if you know what I mean. I find this line quite pivitol in revealing a bit more about Dominion.
Really great...I'm being nit-picky....but that's because I really love the power in this piece.
Thanks for posting.
Paddy
Last edited on Thu Jul 12th, 2007 03:50 am by Paddy
|
archivist
Member
|
Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 04:12 am |
|
Thanks, Paddy. Good comments, and very helpful! Tell me more about your sense of repetitive dialogue!
Alan
|
Paddy
Moderator
|
Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 12:16 pm |
|
Maybe wordy is more...I'm not sure. I don't know if I light Benjamin swearing so easily...takes the punch out of Richard's lovely foul mouth.
Here...he says a lot to get to the pretty line. There are no athiests in foxholes....kind of says it all.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: You can’t say that! God is here. God hears us. Remember, there are no atheists in foxholes! Soldiers need God!
His reply...for a heated argument...seems long.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God here. I haven’t seen any sign of any God around here. Or ever, for that matter. Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this.
God? Here? laughs.....
Here....I know it's picky, but the word respect comes twice....so shouldn't Richards be stressing the word 'due' rather than Sir, so that it seems more intentional, rather than repetative? This falls right after bullshit in three.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: (standing) That’s enough soldier. Sit down and shut up. Show some respect for your squad members who died.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: With all due respect, Sir, this “memorial” insults the guys who were slaughtered here.
Does that make sense? It just feels as if they are all taking a long time to say what they want to say. I think this would be really interesting...if you wrote the Chaplains memorial...and most of the argument was between Richards and Benjamins, with the sermony thing going on in the background, until it gets too heats.
I know...too much information...but for the intensity of the situation, and the taboo of arguing about God during a sermon, there still doesn't seem to be enough tension. It's too easy for Richards to tell a Captain to fuck off. That should be a little harder...a moment where he makes that decision.
....now I'm feeling like a crab.
Paddy
|
alan0198
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jul 3rd, 2006 |
| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 113 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 03:57 pm |
|
Paddy: great suggestions! Much thanks. I'll have another go at it. Great exercises for those aging writing muscles--and crabs can be highly effective, so don't apolgize yourself into needless worry--
cheers--
|
in media res
Member
|
Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 04:38 pm |
|
alan,
Love the idea. Hope you continue to let it achieve its own length. Think you could be on to a great piece. Here are some quick thoughts. Not trying to re-write the play, just these came to my mind. Use/ disregard at will.
You wrote : It’d be fine if the costumes were from a range of historical periods.
I think it would be a very effective way to play it! But this could be a budget problem for a short piece.
And in attempting to achieve universality, you seem to make the chaplain's attire only Western culture based. Another way around that costume idea would keep setting as is and to have a projections various famous/iconical photos and historical paintings of wars past while the action is going on. Or below, so you can avoid copright fees, you can use public domain photos. I mention some sound ideas, whihc photos could be too intrusive.
Love the name Captain Dominion. would like to have more names like that.
Why not keep them all in that vein?
Another idea: Why not Sergeant Sumurai Or Major Mosque, Corporal Cathedral, Lieutenant Temple (maybe pronuonced in the British" Lef"). Is there a rank with a "T?!"
Must the characters all have Western names? (You use multi-national names in the service, but it might be more interesting as having these soldiers having just fought a battle - any battle - from any era or every battle from every - era - (read "Grass" by Carl Sandburg) I think it would convey much more power. They are globally screwed no matter what religion/non religion. It is the one thing they share. They don't share a god, but they do share a potential bullet.
This is a metphorical battlefield given the military style of uniforms if you go on the different eras.
And rather than have it just a character who does not believe in God, what about a character who believes in god and believes god has been shamed here on the battelfield? It opens it up for more to happen. But could be too much if you keep it a short play.
You run the risks as it is now becoming a little preachy, rather than the characters in conflict. Can you invent a new way to say an old/common idea? it will hide the preachiness.
Sound ideas: Playing very, very low - oh so subtly on a sound sytem -
I could hear the iconic sounds of different era of battles: cavalry, arrows, guns, rumble of horses, sound of tank treads, helicpoters impact of bullets,, sabres rattling cries, war creis, Reble Yells, chaotic cries and advancing orders - etc, etc - there are too many to mention! all the familiar things we sadly know in our general concsiousness.
The title telegraphs too much and takes away the mentioning it in the line. It is too short of a play to do that, I think. More effective leaving the line in the play only. And cut "Remember" on the line. Maybe you don't even need the line at all! We get it without the line, I think.
I agree with paddy about a little over written in some spots she mentions. don't over-prepare us for a "pretty line" give us the sudden/full impact of the pretty line.
Saddest lline is Dominion's. He proves to be the idiot the private described.
CAPTAIN DOMINION: There’ll be time for that later. Move out, Sergeant.
SEGEANT ASHBURY: But, sir--
CAPTAIN DOMINION: That’s an order, Sergeant.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Right. You heard the Captain, men. God will lead us!
I'd cut "God will lead us." Having the chaplain say his line in his attire is enough.
I also don't think you need the "Fuck offs" etc. they destroy the pretty lines. The impact does not come with Fuck off.
Also the line: Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this. I'd cut "Their."
I think it would be exciting to continue with this.
Makes me want to watch "Paths of Glory" again.
best,
in media resLast edited on Thu Jul 12th, 2007 04:42 pm by in media res
|
archivist
Member
|
Posted: Fri Jul 13th, 2007 03:14 am |
|
thanks! great ideas, which I'll work with. The names came from some specific influences--just been reading Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, hence Private Richards. And Private Benjamin is named for a fundamentalist I've been sparring with. Those can certainly change. I work in theatres with pretty extensive costume collections, which underlies the range of costumes as possibilities--
Here's a revision, with a new title, done after contemplating Paddy's suggestions/critique, and taking out the Captain to sharpen conflict. I'll do some more work on the piece with media's ideas informing the next set of revisions. And, as always, welcome any comments/reactions/suggestions, etc. Great help!
Alan
God's on the Battlefield
Characters:
Chaplain Smith: an all-purpose chaplain; wears a Roman collar, a yarmulke, a Greek cross, and camouflage vestments over saffron robes. Middle aged to elderly. Portly.
Sergeant Ashbury: mid 40s, a bit overweight, a bit sloppy, thinks of self as just one of the troops, unaware that by age and position is far removed from those same troops.
Private Benjamin: early 20s, straight arrow, totally dedicated to The Mission and The Military. Looks sharp despite the battlefield setting—fatigues should look like they’ve been freshly pressed.
Private Richards: early 20s, regards military as a bad joke
Scene: a battlefield, after the battle. It’s the choice of the producing organization whether it’s a desert, a jungle, a shattered urban area, farmland, or mountains. Costumes should be military fatigues, appropriate to the location (i.e., jungle/desert/winter camouflage, etc. It’d be fine if the costumes were from a range of historical periods). All roles may be played by either male or female performers.
AT RISE: Chaplain in full service; Dominion to one side of Chaplain, facing “congregation.” Benjamin and Richards sit facing Chaplain, with Ashbury behind them.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: And so we pray for the eternal repose of Hill, Rodriquez, Washington, Cohen, Abdullah, Chin, Yamamoto, Nkani, and (searches for name), and, and
SERGEANT ASHBURY: (hissing in a stage whisper) Nguyen
CHAPLAIN SMITH: What?
SERGEANT ASHBURY: (a little louder) Nguyen!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Mooney, and thus
SERGEANT ASHBURY: Not Mooney. Nguyen!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Jesus H. fucking Christ!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Nguyen? We had a Nguyen?
SERGEANT ASHBURY: Yes! Get on with it!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Stupid fucker doesn’t even know the guys’ names--
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Nguyen, and thus we celebrate their service to our country, their devotion to our God (continues under the following), the God who sees all, knows all, and is ominiscient; the God of our fathers, and also of our mothers, and grandfathers, and grandmothers, the God who honors these heroic comrades
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Shit!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: This is bullshit!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Quiet!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: Button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Why should I?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: and their sacrifice for the causes of truth, decency, justice, (continues under the following) and our whole way of life against the savagery of our Godless enemies--
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And stupidity!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shut up!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: I said, button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: (standing): And I said, why should I? This is bullshit.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Uh, I’m trying to hold a memorial—(continues under the following until “asshole chaplain” which stops the chaplain cold) here for our fallen comrades, who are now in Heaven being fed grapes and figs by angels, archangels, and the many virgins promised them (if they were faithful to their girlfriends and didn’t (the chaplain might get increasingly excited during the rest of this) pollute themselves with whores or the shemales that shamelessly follow our noble troops onto battlefields and lure them into unspeakable acts of degradation that I cannot bring myself to speak about plainly, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you’re in the divine grace, and if you do you’re tempting hellfire
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And it’s bullshit.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN:. Sit down and shut up. Show some respect for the guys who died.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Benjamin, you know this “memorial” insults the guys who were slaughtered here.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: What the hell does that mean?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It means they died because this whole thing was a joke.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: A joke? You call a battle our buddies died in a joke?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It wasn’t a battle. It was an ambush. And we walked into it because our ‘leaders’ weren’t leading.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: You don’t know what the officers had in mind.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: In mind? Those self-important fuckers? They didn’t have anything in mind. Just marching forward. With no sentries posted!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: You’re on thin ice, soldier! You’re close to insubordination!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Fuck off, Sarge. A meter maid would have had more sense that to walk us into this valley with no cover and no escape.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shut up, Richards. You can’t think Richie and Cao and Shlomo died for nothing!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: That’s enough! I’ll report you to the Captain.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You can tell the Captain to fuck off too. He led us here, he let us get gunned down while he hid, and now some asshole chaplain tells us it was God’s will? And those dead guys were heroes?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: They were heroes, you cocksucker!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: They were victims. They died because these schmucks don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God’s will is often unknowable. But I know God didn’t let Hill, and Rodriquez and, uh, Nguyen, and, --all the rest-- die in vain.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You bet your sorry ass they died in vain. They’re dead. And for what? The enemy mowed them down, then took off. Sure as fuck they’ll attack us again, and more of us will die.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: We got trapped and they died fighting for us, and for God.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: What kind of God wants all this death? Doesn’t the chaplain always say God’s on our side? If there’s a God on our side, why do we keep dying?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God knows all; we can’t.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: I don’t know all, but I sure as hell know that God wasn’t paying much attention here. Or doesn’t give a shit. Or doesn’t exist.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: God is here. I need God! If there’s no God, there’s no meaning!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God here. I haven’t seen any sign of any God around here. Or ever, for that matter. Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the meaninglessness of all this.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God is real. God sees all. It’s our weakness that prevents us from comprehending God’s plan.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no plan, you doofus, either from God or from our leaders.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Of course there’s a plan! There’s got to be a plan!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: And we’ve got to pray for the souls of those God has taken from us in that infinite, unknowable wisdom that we pray to someday understand.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Will you just shut up, and let us get the fuck out of this deathtrap?
SERGEANT ASHBURY: I said to be quiet!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And I said, shut the fuck up, asshole!
SERGEANT ASHBURY: You’re on report, Private! You’re facing a court martial if you keep this up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Go ahead and court martial me! You sure you want me to testify about the brilliant planning on this mission? And the stupidity that wasted all those men?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Richards! Stop it! Shut up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: No. I owe it to these guys who got killed not to shut up. Silence keeps these assholes in charge. And means more of us will die!
CHAPLAIN SMITH: God will forgive your outbursts if you repent now.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: More pious bullshit. Something that doesn’t exist can’t forgive me. (Starts to exit.) I’m getting out of here. If you’re smart, you’ll join me.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: We haven’t completed the mission!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Well, good luck. If you’re still alive, come visit me in the stockade. (Exits to the right)
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Sarge?
SERGEANT ASHBURY: Chaplain?
CHAPLAIN SMITH: We need to catch up with the rest of the brigade. Sergeant, form up the men. There are more valleys ahead, and we’ll be sure to meet and, with God’s help, destroy the insurgents soon.
SERGEANT ASHBURY: With all due respect, sir, we need to return to base to restock our supplies. We’re perilously low on ammo.
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Surely God will provide. Move out, Sergeant.
SEGEANT ASHBURY: But, sir--
CHAPLAIN SMITH: Let’s move it, Sergeant. God leads us!
Raising his staff, CHAPLAIN SMITH marches off to the left. SERGEANT ASHBURY and PRIVATE BENJAMIN glance at each other, and exit quickly to the right.
End.
|
Paddy
Moderator
|
Posted: Sat Jul 14th, 2007 01:46 pm |
|
Oh, nice. This is going a different direction...but maybe isn't entirely there yet. I love the God will lead, God will provide.
Sorry, Alan, but I still think there might be too many words....Amadeus.
Like this, although it's pieced from the first draft...caust I remembered stuff I liked.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: You can’t say that! God is here. God hears us. Remember, there are no atheists in foxholes! Soldiers need God!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God here. I haven’t seen any sign of any God around here. Or ever, for that matter. Their God is all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this.
Could easily be this.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: God is here. God does hear us. There are no atheists in foxholes! Soldiers need God!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: God? Have you seen any evidence of God here? It's all smoke and mirrors, to distract us from the stupidity of all this.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: I need God. (from first draft)
Just an example...playing with your words.
This one somehow became more visual for me. I could see the chaplain on the stage, and the three guys starting out sitting in the audience. Lots of interesting things you could do with this.
It's going places, Alan.
Paddy
.
|
alan0198
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jul 3rd, 2006 |
| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 113 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sun Jul 15th, 2007 03:50 am |
|
thanks, Paddy. Here's yet another revision with yet another title. Think I'll let this one percolate mentally for a while after this--but always welcome comments!
Alan
God’s On Our Side
Characters:
Chaplain Nevhutalu: an all-purpose chaplain; wears a Roman collar, a yarmulke, a Greek cross, and camouflage vestments over saffron robes. Middle aged to elderly. Portly.
Sergeant Sawant: mid 40s, a bit overweight, a bit sloppy, thinks of self as just one of the troops, unaware that by age and position is far removed from those same troops.
Private Benjamin: early 20s, straight arrow, totally dedicated to The Mission and The Military. Looks sharp despite the battlefield setting—fatigues should look like they’ve been freshly pressed.
Private Richards: early 20s, regards military as a bad joke, fatigues stained and rumpled, look like they haven’t been changed in weeks.
Scene: a battlefield, after the battle. It’s the choice of the producing organization whether it’s a desert, a jungle, a shattered urban area, farmland, or mountains. Costumes should be military fatigues, appropriate to the location (i.e., jungle/desert/winter camouflage, etc. It’d be fine if the costumes were from a range of historical periods). All roles may be played by either male or female performers.
AT RISE: Chaplain in full service, facing “congregation.” Benjamin and Richards sit facing Chaplain, with SAWANT behind them.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: And so we pray for the eternal repose of Hill, Rodriquez, Chin, Cohen, Abdullah, Washington, Yamamoto, Nkani, and (searches for name), and, and
SERGEANT SAWANT: (hissing in a stage whisper) Nguyen
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: What?
SERGEANT SAWANT: (a little louder) Nguyen!
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Nooney, and thus
SERGEANT SAWANT: Not Nooney. Nguyen!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Jesus H. fucking Christ!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Nguyen? We had a Nguyen?
SERGEANT SAWANT: Yes! Get on with it!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Stupid fucker doesn’t even know their names--
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Nguyen, and thus we celebrate their service to our country, their devotion to our God /(continues under the following), the God who sees all, knows all, and is omnipresent; the God of our fathers, and also of our mothers, and grandfathers, and grandmothers, not to mention uncles, and, of course, aunts, the God who honors these heroic comrades
/PRIVATE RICHARDS: Shit!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shhh!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: This is bullshit!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Quiet!
SERGEANT SAWANT: Button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Why should I?
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: and their sacrifice for the causes of truth, decency, justice, / (continues under the following) and our whole way of life against the savagery of our Godless enemies--
/PRIVATE RICHARDS: And stupidity!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shut up!
SERGEANT SAWANT: I said, button it, soldier!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: (standing): And I said, why should I? This is bullshit.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Uh, I’m trying to hold a memorial—/(continues under the following until “asshole chaplain” which stops the chaplain cold) here for our fallen comrades, who are now in Heaven being fed grapes and figs by angels, archangels, and the many virgins and dancing boys promised them (if they were faithful to their girlfriends or boyfriends as the case may be and didn’t (the chaplain might get increasingly excited during the rest of this) pollute themselves with whores or the shemales that shamelessly follow our noble troops onto battlefields and lure them into unspeakable acts of degradation that I cannot bring myself to speak about plainly, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you’re in the divine grace, and if you do you’re tempting hellfire
/PRIVATE RICHARDS: And it’s bullshit.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Sit down and shut up. Show some respect for our buddies who died.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Benjamin, this “memorial” insults those who got slaughtered here.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: What the hell do you mean?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: I mean they died because this whole thing was a joke.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: A joke? You call a battle half our squad died in a joke?
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It wasn’t a battle. It was an ambush. And we walked into it because our ‘leaders’ weren’t leading.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: You don’t know what the officers had in mind.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: In mind? Those self-important fuckers? They didn’t have anything in mind. Just marching forward. With no sentries posted!
SERGEANT SAWANT: You’re on thin ice, soldier! You’re close to insubordination!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Fuck off, Sarge. A meter maid would have had more sense that to order us into this valley with no cover and no escape.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Shut up, Richards. Sandy and Mek and Neechi didn’t die for nothing!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: It pisses me off that they died for nothing. But that’s the truth!
SERGEANT SAWANT: That’s enough! I’ll report you to the Captain.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You can tell the Captain to fuck off too. He led us here, he watched us get gunned down like targets on a shooting range, and now some asshole chaplain tells us it was God’s will? And those dead troops were heroic?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: They were heroic, you cocksucker!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: They were victims. They died because these schmucks don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: God’s will is often unknowable. But I know God didn’t let Hill, and Rodriquez and, uh, Nguyen, and, uh, uh, --all the rest-- die in vain.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: You bet your sorry ass they died in vain. They’re dead. And for what? The enemy mowed them down, then took off. Sure as fuck they’ll attack us again, and more of us will die.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: We got trapped and they died fighting for us, and for God.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: What kind of God wants all this death? Doesn’t the chaplain always say God’s on our side? If God’s on our side, how come we keep dying?
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: God knows all; we can’t.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: I don’t know all, but I sure as hell know that God wasn’t here. Or doesn’t give a shit. Or doesn’t exist.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: God is here. There are no atheists in foxholes! I need God!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no God anywhere. I stopped believing in any God after that first stupid battle, when Zollner got blown up. God’s just a story, smoke and mirrors, a distraction.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: God is real. God sees all. It’s our weakness that prevents us from comprehending God’s plan.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: There’s no plan, you doofus, either from God or from our leaders.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Of course there’s a plan! There’s got to be a plan!
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: And we’ve got to pray for the souls of those God has taken from us in that infinite, unknowable wisdom that we pray to someday understand.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Will you just shut up, and let us get the fuck out of this deathtrap?
SERGEANT SAWANT: I said to be quiet!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: And I said, shut the fuck up, asshole!
SERGEANT SAWANT: You’re on report, Private! You’re facing a court martial if you keep this up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Go ahead and court martial me! You sure you want me to testify about the brilliant planning on this mission? And the stupidity that wasted all those troops?
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Richards! Stop it! Shut up!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: No. Silence keeps these assholes in charge. And that means more of us are going to die!
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Those who die in battle are martyrs. And go straight to Paradise, where …
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Those who die in battle are dead. For nothing. They don’t go straight anywhere. No God, no Paradise, nothing for nothing.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: God forgives everything, even your blasphemy -- but only if you repent now.
PRIVATE RICHARDS: More pious bullshit. Something that doesn’t exist can’t forgive me. (Starts to exit.) I’m getting out of here. If you’re smart, you’ll join me.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: We haven’t completed the mission!
PRIVATE RICHARDS: Your funeral. I’ll send your photos to your mother after you’re killed. (Exits to the right)
PRIVATE BENJAMIN: Sarge?
SERGEANT SAWANT: Chaplain?
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: We need to catch up with the rest of the brigade. Sergeant Sawant, form up what’s left of the squad. There are more valleys ahead, and we’ll be sure to meet and, with God’s help, destroy the insurgents soon.
SERGEANT SAWANT: With all due respect, sir, we need to return to base to restock our supplies. We’re perilously low on ammo.
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: God will provide, Sergeant. God always does.
SEGEANT SAWANT: But, sir--
CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU: Let’s move it, Sergeant. God leads us!
Raising his staff, CHAPLAIN NEVHUTALU marches off to the left. SERGEANT SAWANT and PRIVATE BENJAMIN glance at each other, and exit quickly to the right.
End.
|
Current time is 06:39 am | |
|
|
|
