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in media res
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 9th, 2007 09:36 pm |
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Thank you to all for great comments.
Per usual, The Forum comes through.
See below for specifics.
best,
in media resLast edited on Fri Oct 12th, 2007 10:09 pm by in media res
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kris
Member
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:45 am |
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Simply beautiful, in media res.
I love the tone -- measured and elegiac and yet humorous, too. That's a tough combo to pull off, but you made it look easy. And downright funny toward the end when Tom is kidding his kids. I also love how you convey the depth of a mature marriage -- emotional and intellectual as well as physical and sexual -- in such a short space. Some very witty lines... "The pictures truly have gotten smaller!" -- speaking of movies that we know. I went through it again looking for anything to criticize, and my only complaint is that "Our Love Is Here to Stay" is here to stay in my head for a while. Oh, well -- I'll take Gershwin over most of the songs that get stuck in there.
As for the music, of course your play works without it. You could pull the last two songs and not even have to rewrite anything. And if you pulled "It's Been a Long, Long Time," you'd just need to trim a couple of lines. But... here's hoping you can keep the music. I so strongly believe that music of any kind -- chanting, hoofbeats, high heels clicking across parquet -- adds so much to a play, to life, to anything. Plus, those are great songs. Classics. I do wonder why, if Tom is in his late 50s, early 60s, none of the songs is from his and Veronica's own era. Even their teen years would have been in the '60s. The songs you use are from way before then. Of course, they could have loved those great songs, but it makes Tom seem older than he is to have all the songs be from the '20s and '30s, or whenever. Yay! I managed to find a quasi-nit! Phew. But I stand my original impression and remarks: Simply beautiful.
kris
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Paddy
Moderator
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:23 pm |
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Medea Res.
I'm not sure this is a one-man play. For me, my appologies, it feels forced. I'm never sure why he thinks he has to tell his story to the kids. All the delicious bits of this play are told, and not shown...
I kept picturing, instead, the kids, helping him pack up her stuff, or something, and finding some 'things' that would require him to do a bit of explaining. Maybe it's me, but I'd rather this story presented a different way.
"could get my “Mr. Johnson” up faster than a tank of compressed helium zapped into a toy balloon."
Ha! That created a WONDERFUL image!
I could be completely wrong here....so you might just want to ignore me.
As for the songs...I believe you have thirty seconds without having to pay royalties, but don't quote me on that.
Paddy
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Proboscisbunny
Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 12th, 2007 12:16 am |
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In media -
To me, the first few moments of the play seem forced. Very "set-ie up-ie" for lack of a better term. A more organic approach, not so explanatory, would allow the audience to wonder what's happening - why is he taping himself? Then, for a while, I honestly got distracted about how forward he was being about his sex life with his kids. I can't imagine any kid, at any age, wanting to know these things...;) I wasn't ready for a man to market his wife as a MILF to their children. But, I learned to accept that this was what he was doing...and he changed the subject to nail polish, that helped. Maybe that made her human again...after that it worked for me, I suppose I was over the awkardness of it.
Would he struggle with telling them these things? Maybe if he struggles with it the audience won't have to. He seems to be objectifying her to his children instead of sharing with them the importance of having her in his life, sexual life and non-sexual boring life ;)
I also like the joke he plays on them at the end and I like how it wraps up. I also like to songs but agree you may not need them.
That all being said, I applaud you for writing about human sexuality...as taboo as it is in this kooky country. (note previous comments regarding parents having actual sex;)
Vanessa
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in media res
Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 12th, 2007 10:04 pm |
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Thank you to all.
First as far as Royalties on song snippets in plays, I got a reply from the Dramatists Guild, but it is internal "confidential" correspondence as of now so I can not print it. There is no mention of thirty seconds.
But nothing says iI specifically can, and nothing says I specifically can't. All of it comes down to case law, which is always in flux, and no one wants to be involed in a legal test case. If I get permission to print the response, I will. It is interesting. And like all law, it is just as confusing at the beginng at the end!
I think one mistake I made was I had deleted out the fact that this was only going to be seen by the children - maybe - after he died. He was going to file it with his lawyer...and in the intervening years he would decide if he did NOT want to have it shown. He was not sending this to his children now. That would have been tasteless, I agree. And he would not do that to his children just for the heck of it. It is going back in.
kris, always glad to have someone get the whole thing, especially the elegiac/humorous tone, which is so important for an actor to hook into. The music choice? You answered it when you wrote: "Plus, those are great songs. Classics." "Satisfaction" would definitely not work .
Proboscisbunny: it should be a struggle for the actor to do. If he picks up on that elegiac tone, he will know more how to play it to avoid any sense of vulgarity for lack of a better term. It should be filled with loss.
MILF?! - in no way is that type of crudity intended in the piece. I didn't even know the term till about a year ago. It used to be called "adultery!" which is not at all what this couple is about. They had a heckuva lot of fun. I will have to look at it again to eliminate that possibility. The fact that he is taping himself, says something about his relationships with his children, which can be construed as good or bad. Which is interesting to have people wonder.
I like your question: why is he taping himself?
paddy, thanks for the straight forwardeness. No apologies.
edd thanks for the PM. Good stuff.
Again, thanks to all. I have some ideas on how to re-work this.
Sexuality is something that is hard to write about, especially in America. Especially married sexuality or even sexualy fidelity of any kind. Does anyone know of a play that deals with this - even tangentialy - in a non-neurotic, non-adulterous, non-boring way?
best,
in media res
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