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muncy
Member
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Posted: Sun Mar 16th, 2008 12:59 pm |
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I started off OK but found I couldn't get all the senses in without using a crowbar so gave up.
The Girl in the Bubble
JOHN (Taking out his ipod earphones) Ester Rantzen wasn't it.
MIKE Who?
JOHN The girl in the bubble.
MIKE Ester Rantzen was the girl in the bubble?
JOHN No. She brought her to the public attention. On that show of hers.
MIKE What have you been listening to?
JOHN The Divine Comedy.
MIKE I really can't keep track of this conversation.
JOHN They're a group. They were just singing 'Do you remember the girl in the bubble'
MIKE And you do.
JOHN Yes.
MIKE Congratulations.
JOHN She was allergic to everything.
MIKE Ah.
JOHN You must have heard about her.
MIKE No.
JOHN It was in all the papers.
MIKE And on Ester Rantzen's show.
JOHN Yes. If she got a whiff of anything, or if she ate something she shouldn't, it would make her ill.
MIKE (Deliberately) Ester Rantzen?
JOHN No, the girl in the bubble you idiot. She had to live in sensory denial. No smell, no taste. She just existed inside her bubble.
MIKE Not much of a life then.
JOHN Tragic it was. Really tragic. The whole nation felt for her.
MIKE So what happened to her?
JOHN I've no idea. (He puts his earphones back in.)
End
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Edd
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| Joined: | Sat Jun 10th, 2006 |
| Location: | Denver, Colorado USA |
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Posted: Sun Mar 16th, 2008 01:16 pm |
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muncy,
It was spontaneous and fun. The Divine Comedy (I assume not Mr. Milton's) was the synesthasia trigger. It didn't seem like a failure to me, but rather one of those fun little slices of conversational life we all experience from to time. I liked it!
~Edd
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Paddy
Moderator
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Posted: Sun Mar 16th, 2008 11:54 pm |
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I liked it to, but when I think of people in bubbles, the thing that most blows me away is that no one can touch them.
So. Wondered.
Keep going.
Paddy
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creativeslime
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 17th, 2008 |
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Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 03:06 pm |
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Hey there, I liked the idea of a "Girl/Boy/Horse/Alien in a bubble" I know the film was made, Bubble boy, but there is something really interesting to exploit around characters that can’t connect with the world in a physical way. As opposed to it always being emotional. I liked the idea and I enjoyed the way the dialogue flowed, it was unforced and natural with just a hint of comedy. Nice one!
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ohdear
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| Joined: | Tue Dec 5th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Mar 18th, 2008 05:27 am |
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You certainly evoked a lot of emotion, so I think you filled your quota on the senses.
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muncy
Member
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Posted: Tue Mar 18th, 2008 07:29 am |
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Thanks for the comments good people :-)
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Deirdre
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| Joined: | Tue Mar 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | British Columbia |
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Posted: Wed Mar 19th, 2008 07:09 pm |
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But it's terrific, really. It totally makes me want to read more.
Besides, what's wrong with a crowbar? It's my favourite writing tool!
Hi & nice to read you!
D.
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