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Edd
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Posted: Fri Feb 1st, 2008 11:18 pm |
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WIN A REAL NON-VIRTUAL PRIZE (All hardcover):
1. SOMETHING CLOUDY, SOMETHING CLEAR, Tennessee Williams’ last play
2. RACING DEMON by David Hare
3. MOON OVER BUFFALO by Ken Ludwig
4. ARCADIA by Tom Stoppard
5. MRS. KLEIN by Nicholas Wright
6. THE CRYPTOGRAM by David Mamet
7. SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION by John Guare
8. BEYOND THERAPY by Christopher Durang
9. THE FEVER by Wallace Shawn
10. A SHAYNA MAIDEL by Barbara Lebow
11. ROAD TO NIRVANA by Arthur Kopit
12. MY CHILDREN! MY AFRICA! by Athol Fugard
13. CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD by Mark Medoff
14. TOUGH COOKIES by yours truly (autographed Samuel French special bound edition, semi-hardcover)
You choose. All you have to do is write a play that is at least one page and NO more than two pages. That’s it!
DO NOT post it in the forum. Send it to me directly at edd@edwardcrosbywells.com with "FORUM CONTEST" in the subject line. You must be a Forum member, so please include your Forum name. Deadline: February 29, 2008.
When I have made my decision, I will post all the plays on the forum at the same time for all to read. At least six entries to validate the contest are required. Should there be less than six entries those plays that were entered will roll over to the following month, and those playwrights will have the option of entering a second play.
I will make my decision based on what tickles, amuses, wows me, or is simply a reaction to what I ate that day. This contest is not scientific and I am certainly no judge of what is "best." I know what I like and what I like less and that's pretty much all there is to it. It’s meant to be fun and to keep you guys writing!
NOTE: I spend more time than I’d like on reformatting all the entries so that they are uniform. Please take note of the format in which they are posted here and format accordingly. Thanks.
Laughter, Bravos and Fabulous Lighting,
~Edd
* * * * * * AND NOW FOR THIS MONTH’S WINNER!
Another great assortment of entertaining plays! Nathan Birkinshaw serves up quick, enigmatic, unexpected and engaging dialogue in TOMORROW IS FAR TOO SOON. Something remains hidden just below the surface of Carl Brandt Long’s poignant TRAVELING MAN. Is it sadness, hypocrisy or just the tired old soul of a travelling Bible salesman? Enigmatic seems to be the word du jour. DISSENT, an enigmatic tid-bit from Mary Alice Mark, left me wondering. It pleases me very much to see a playwright go out on a limb and experiment with our craft. Greatness never takes the well-travelled path. UNANSWERED QUESTIONS by Laura Camaione is timely, profound, ironic and well-written. We should send a copy to the “powers that be” in DC, but if they haven’t gotten it by now I don’t suppose they ever will. UNCLEAR TO LAND by Jay C. Rehak had me laughing out loud. What marvellous fun and great use of the double entendre. This is terrific great fun! I have come to expect great writing from Shirley K and she doesn’t disappoint with CUPCAKES. It is a lovely, naturalistic, engaging slice-of-life. As a playwright who’s made the most money from a play about 3 men in drag, I had a natural affinity for MOM ALWAYS WANTED A GIRL by Ron Frankel. This play doesn’t go for cheap jokes. It’s straight up, well-written and original. Finally, we come to our winner. This was a tough decision and took me awhile to make—there were at least two other contenders. DETECTIVE LOU BANKS by John Conforti (Dresdenkiss) had me in stitches! John took a tired, old cliché-scenario and made it fresh and fabulous. John, pick out your prize and get back to me.
I recently went through all the plays submitted here over the many months and thought, what a terrific anthology they would make! And, these eight beauties only confirmed that thought. Bravo, all! Any publishers out there? ~Edd
* * * * * *
TOMORROW IS FAR TOO SOON By Nathan Birkinshaw
Lights up – a bus shelter next to a park, A is leaning against the side of it as B sits and reads his paper.
A: I really don’t think I would be upset if I didn’t wake up again.
B: You mean, tomorrow?
A: Yes, I mean tomorrow. Did you expect me to fall asleep and wake up a week tomorrow?
B: I don’t know what I expected.
A: You don’t even know what day it is.
B: Tuesday.
A: Its Friday.
B: Time doesn’t really move here though does it?
A: Time moves everywhere friend. You just can’t see it.
B: Can you?
A: Only when I stare at the second hand, on my watch.
B: What watch?
A: The silver pocket watch, I was given it as a present from my last wife.
B: Your last wife?
A: Ha! The fourth. (Pause) The final one. (Pause) Antonia.
B: Oh, right.
A: Seems, different this afternoon, don’t you think?
B: To this morning?
A: Yes, but how? I can not put my finger on it?
B: The odour is quite foul.
A: Very foul.
B: Is that it?
A: No, not in the slightest
B: Is this it?
A: As far as I can see…
B: Should I go?
A: Stay for five, till the bus arrives.
B: O.K.
Lights Fade
END
* * * * * * TRAVELING MAN A Monologue by Carl Brandt Long
Cast of Characters:
Freddie: A travelling salesman.
Bartender: (not necessary)
Scene: A small-town bar.
Time: Now. Or recently.
AT RISE: FREDDIE is sitting at the bar, a near-empty drink in hand.
FREDDIE: Well, I’m from Cleveland, you know, right? Don’t spend much time there, of course, travelling the country selling the good book and the occasional encyclopaedia set. It’s old-fashioned, I know, but there’s this sentimental charm of the road, and, well, I just love it. So my Aerostar broke down a ways up the road here — my wife’s always telling me to get the damned thing looked at, but stubborn me, I never do. Cute as a button and sweet as apple pie, she is. Love thy wife, the good book says, and bless me — I do. Of course, if I’d’ve listened to her, I wouldn’t be here now, right? Long trips on the road, I don’t see her nearly as much as I’d like. But it pays the bills and keeps her in good health and good comfort, so I guess you break even in the end. Beats the nine-to-five and I get to meet a lot of great people all over this blessed country of ours. Say, pal, what’s the chance a God-fearing guy like myself might find a place to get put up for the night? And how about another whiskey sour?
END
* * * * * *
DISSENT By Mary Alice Mark
Cast of Characters
MAEVE: A woman, full grown, of any age, eccentric in costume. Surely she wears a hat!
REBEL: MAEVE’s niece or nephew, in “dress-down rebel” garb.
FRIEND: a companion of REBEL’s similarly attired.
SETTING: Our trio approaches a public place. Unless there can be a crowd on stage, they relate to the audience.
AT RISE: MAEVE enters, rapidly, skirts, shawl, scarf or vest and hair in full flow. REBEL and FRIEND follow, slowing down when they realize people can see them.
MAEVE: I believe the piece we’re looking for is on that wall. (She seems to explore a bit, before she notices the absence of REBEL and FRIEND. Then she goes to them.) Well-?
FRIEND: -People can see us!
MAEVE: Of course.
REBEL: You’re weird!
MAEVE: Thank you . . ! . . . Should I be different . . ?
REBEL: Yes . .?
FRIEND: No . .?
(MAEVE laughs returning to the “wall.” Do REBEL and FRIEND follow?)
END
* * * * * * UNANSWERED QUESTIONS by Laura Camaione
A small room. A metal chair is placed Center Stage. Two men in their 30s are standing on either side of it.
FIRST MAN: You hit him too hard.
SECOND MAN: I did what you told me to do.
FIRST MAN: You hit him too hard. He’s unconscious.
SECOND MAN: I always do what you tell me.
FIRST MAN: Well, I didn’t tell you to knock him cold, did I?
SECOND MAN: You said to hit him, so I hit him.
FIRST MAN: You’re a piece of work, you know that? What am I supposed to do with him now?
SECOND MAN: Go in there and wake him up.
FIRST MAN: He’s unconscious. I can’t just wake him up.
SECOND MAN: Should I get another?
FIRST MAN: Another?
SECOND MAN: Yeah, what’s the difference. Work on somebody else while this guy’s out.
FIRST MAN: He’s no good to me dead, you know. I need answers.
SECOND MAN: Don’t worry, he won’t die. You didn’t tell me to kill him.
FIRST MAN: And you always do what you’re told.
SECOND MAN: Always. It’s easier.
FIRST MAN: And safer?
SECOND MAN: I go where I’m told. I do what they tell me.
FIRST MAN: You really are a piece of work.
SECOND MAN: Look, he’ll wake up. He always does.
FIRST MAN: Yeah, sure.
SECOND MAN: You just need to have some faith.
FIRST MAN: In you?
SECOND MAN: That’s a start.
FIRST MAN: You’re killing me, you know that? (suddenly exhausted, he sits in the chair with his head back and his arms hanging loosely down at his side. Pause.)
SECOND MAN: (stands over FIRST MAN menacingly) What do you want me to do, bring him back in here or get another? (Silence. He shakes FIRST MAN) I need an answer!
FIRST MAN: (tired and confused) Answer? (Pause) I don’t...know... (Pause) I don’t... (Pause, then louder) WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
SECOND MAN: A simple answer. Bring him in or get another?
FIRST MAN: (slowly gets up from the chair) No more. Understand? I need a break! This interrogation has worn the crap out of me. (exits Stage Right)
SECOND MAN: Yeah, keeping the world safe for Democracy is a bitch. (exits Stage Right)
(Lights out)
END
* * * * * *
UNCLEAR TO LAND by Jay C. Rehak
CHARACTERS: TWO AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS; EACH 28 YEARS OLD, SINGLE, MALES (Can also be played by TWO FEMALES)
SCENE: Two air traffic controllers sit in an airport traffic tower talking about relationships as they help land airplanes. Both wear headsets and sit across from each other.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER # 1: (into a microphone) Cessna Four oh duece deuce you’re clear to land.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: (Into a microphone) Beechcraft niner-niner approaching runway C Charlie C hold steady for thirty seconds then prepare for takeoff.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: I can’t believe she dumped me.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: I saw that one coming. Anyone could have told you that you were due for a major crash and burn with her. No, Beechcraft nine-niner, not you.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: We were a hot couple though, we really were. Maybe too hot. You knew it was going to flame out, didn’t you? They always do. No, No, hold steady there Cessna Four o deuce deuce.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: Pull up to C Charlie C Beechcraft niner-niner. Where’d you ever meet her anyway?
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: Long story, long story. Let’s just say it was like one day she just fell out of the sky and boom, there she was. Calm down, Cessna Four o deuce deuce, this is my story, not yours.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: Beechcraft niner-niner, you’re clear for take off. Yeah, well, as good as it was in the beginning, in the end she just pulled you down. No way to keep that baby up in the air. You can forget about it. No, you go ahead niner-niner.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: She didn’t treat me right. She was a drag on me, you’re right. But I loved her, did I ever tell you that? Cessna Four o deuce deuce, you’re clear for landing. Thought we could keep it going, but man, you could see our breakup a mile a way, and I couldn’t.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: Oh, yeah. Up in flames for everyone to see. Beechcraft niner-niner, what’s the hold up?
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: Free to land, deuce-deuce.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER # 2: Going back to the hangar? That’s crazy talk deuce-deuce.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER # 1: Not landing here? What are you talking about niner-niner? He’s going to keep on going to St. Louis. Changed his mind mid-flight.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: Crazy pilots. Reminds me of my first wife. One day it was good, next day, no cabin pressure whatsoever. Couldn’t tell if she was coming or going. No, not you Piper Cub seven-one.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #1: Look at the bright side, you’re done with her.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER #2: Yeah, completely off my radar. No, not you Piper seven-one. What’s with these pilots today?
END
* * * * * *
CUPCAKES By
ShirleyK
CHARACTERS
BETTY -- forties.
JOHNNY LEE -- late thirties. Betty’s cousin.
SETTING: Betty’s living room. BETTY is on stage as JOHNNY LEE enters.
CUPCAKES is about love, marriage and family.
JOHNNY LEE: Tell me why I had to rush over here when I still need to finish sweeping out the church?
BETTY: I did not ask God to give me a lounge singer for a son-in-law.
JOHNNY LEE: Meaning?
BETTY: There might not be a wedding today. Word is, Tommy got caught begging Jack Harmony’s daughter to run away with him.
JOHNNY LEE: Cassie Harmony? She’s only --
BETTY: Seventeen. So Jack broke Tommy’s arm.
JOHNNY LEE: Holy Crow. He didn't!
BETTY: Tommy’s at the hospital getting a cast made. Julie Ann's down there trying to get things straight, but I would say this is not a good sign.
JOHNNY LEE: I have been running around all day like a goose in a pillow factory and now you’re saying the wedding is off? Whoa! Cupcakes?
BETTY: For the reception, which it appears we are not having now.
JOHNNY LEE: (Taking cupcake.) Seems to me this’ll come out in the wash and when it does, you might try being happy for Julie Ann.
BETTY: Oh? Give me one simple reason I should be happy.
JOHNNY LEE: Well, sugar, how about two reasons? One, Julie Ann loves Tommy and two, Tommy loves Julie Ann.
BETTY: Love is overrated. Why couldn't she love a man with an actual job? I swear, this will never work out.
JOHNNY LEE: Lots of things in life don't work out but Julie Ann's young. She's got time to correct her mistakes, if this happens to be one. What matters is that everything works out today.
BETTY: Well, thank you. That's a help.
JOHNNY LEE: I hear Tom's been talking about buying one of them fancy new houses in Miller's field. No money changed hands, seeing that Tommy has none, just talk.
BETTY: I don't like strangers calling themselves developers, buying up our corn fields and building big fancy houses. Brantley is not about big fancy houses and I should know, being born here.
JOHNNY LEE: Seems like times change.
BETTY: And we don't notice those changes till they become big fancy houses and our daughters tell us they're marrying lounge singers.
JOHNNY LEE: Love will not be denied, Cousin. Remember how you felt when you married Purnell?
BETTY: I’m still remembering how I grieved when he died.
JOHNNY LEE: Can’t love be stronger than grief?
BETTY: (Phone.) Yes? Julie Ann? It was what? A misunderstanding? You're sure? You are? You do? All right, hon, we will meet you at Brantley Methodist. Yes, I will bring your gown.
JOHNNY LEE: Are you saying the wedding is on?
BETTY: Developers may be taking over our fields and Tommy might not be the man I would’ve chosen but he's Julie Ann's choice and she just said she loves him with all her heart.
JOHNNY LEE: So you’re okay with this?
BETTY: What else can I be? Put down that cupcake, Johnny Lee. Today, God willing -- and right now He seems to be –- we are going to have ourselves the finest wedding Brantley has ever seen!
END
* * * * * *
MOM ALWAYS WANTED A GIRL By Ron Frankel
Cast of Characters
Barry: A high school boy, about 16
Lenny: A high school boy, about 16
Scene: Hallway in high school
Time: The present
Barry and Lenny are putting their books away in their lockers. Barry is dressed like a typical high school boy. Lenny is dressed like a typical high school girl.
BARRY: Lenny, why are you always wearing a dress to school?
LENNY: It’s my Mom. She always wanted a girl.
BARRY: Doesn’t she know you’re a boy?
LENNY: I keep telling her, but she won’t listen.
BARRY: Can’t you put your foot down.
LENNY: Not with these high heels I can’t.
BARRY: Must be a drag.
LENNY: Who you saying’s in drag?
BARRY: No, I mean dressing like a girl. Must be hard.
LENNY: You get used to it. It’s not easy finding clothes that fit though.
BARRY: What about your father? Doesn’t he have a problem with it?
LENNY: No. For some reason he can find outfits easier than I can
BARRY: Hold on. Your father dresses like a girl, too?
LENNY: Of course not. (Beat) He dresses like a woman.
BARRY: Why does he do that?
LENNY: You know...guys sticking together.
BARRY: Putting on a dress isn’t exactly my idea of male bonding.
LENNY: I dunno. Gives us a lot to talk about. And I’ve never been
closer to my sister.
BARRY: I wont’t even ask what she wears.
LENNY: Size 6. But keep it to yourself. She tells everyone she’s a 4.
BARRY: My lips are sealed.
LENNY: We can still be friends, right?
BARRY: Of course.
LENNY: Terrific. Wanna hang out this weekend?
BARRY: Sure. Got any plans?
LENNY: Well. there’s a fashion show at the mall...
END
* * * * * *
DETECTIVE LOU BANKS By John Conforti (Dresdenkiss)
The set is simple – an office, that of a detective. The walls are bland, and all that’s in the room is a filing cabinet, a desk, and a chair. The desk is messy. There are papers all over the top of the desk in no organized fashion. There’s also a glass and a bottle of Vladimir vodka. A man, DETECTIVE LOU BANKS, sits at the desk reading a newspaper.
BANKS: (From behind the paper – drunk and slurring) My name is Detective Lou Banks. I’m a detective. It was a dark and stormy night...again. I don’t know why, but it rains an awful lot in this god damn town. I was once again out of work and searching for my next case. I was certainly up against the odds, what with the morning paper and all. A writer by the name of Stu Pidmonkeyface wrote an article declaring me the worst detective in the United States. Alright, so that wasn’t really his name. I was being ironic...maybe even a little childish. However, no matter what his name was, it was still crushing. I wanted to hate the writer, but I do appreciate all the time he put into this work; monitoring all detective activities across the states and then ranking all of them from first to worst. It must have taken years to do that type of research. Although, I am left to wonder why he didn’t write an article about the best detective in all of the states. Maybe it’ll be in tomorrow’s edition.
(LOU BANKS sets the paper down on the desk and picks up the bottle of Vladimir and poured himself a glass.)
BANKS: I had made a Russian friend recently. His name is Vladimir. He became both my best and worst friend immediately. I had learned to curse his name in the morning and pray to him at night. My old friend Jack Daniels left me, or shall I say I left him. My paychecks certainly aren’t what they used to be, and Vladimir proved to be the cheaper date.
(There’s a knock at the door. Without waiting for an answer, a woman, SUSAN WILDER enters the room. She appears very nervous.)
BANKS: (After the knock) There was a knock at the door. I told them to come in, and that’s when she walked into my life. The most beautiful and luscious woman I had ever seen. She had such stunning blonde hair and legs that I knew I just wanted to park between. Yes, from the very beginning I knew that she was the woman that would have my babies. Also, judging from the new look of horror on her face, I could tell that I was speaking out loud again.
(SUSAN WILDER, angry, turns to leave.)
BANKS: As she turned to leave, I realized I’d have to act fast. (Beat) So...what did you come here for?
(SUSAN WILDER takes a deep breath and turns around.)
BANKS: My clever ploy of asking her what she wanted seemed to have worked. I also realized that either she doesn’t read the papers, or was in a pickle and needed someone cheap to pay to figure it out. All over town, people knew I would just about work for a pack of Cheese Doodles right now. I asked her why she was here. (Beat) So...why are you here?
(SUSAN WILDER stares blankly at LOU BANKS).
BANKS: She seemed confused that I basically just asked her why she was here twice. I need to stop speaking like this. It does not seem to attract the customers like it used to.
WILDER: If I may...
BANKS: (Cutting her off) Oh honey, you may.
WILDER: I have a bit of a problem.
BANKS: I knew it from the moment you walked into my room. The moment I laid eyes on you. I knew that. I’ve always been able to read you like a book. Oh god. Of all the women and gin joints in the world you had to walk into mine. Well, I’m pretty sure this isn’t a gin joint, I’m moderately sure I just butchered that Casablanca quote, and I’m really sure I didn’t use it in any correct context anyway. You should probably ignore most of what I say because it’s probably just the Vladimir talking.
WILDER: Look, I realize this is crazy, but I’m desperate, and you’re the only private eye in the state that I can afford right now. I need to find out if someone is trying to kill me. Here...this is all I have.
(SUSAN WILDER lays down a five dollar bill on the table).
BANKS: I picked up the money off the desk. I then pulled out my gun and shot her. She fell to the ground, dead.
(SUSAN WILDER falls to the floor).
BANKS: Yep. (Beat) This case is solved. And I’m back to being an out of work detective...looking for work.
(LOU BANKS takes a drink and leans back in his chair.)
END
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EJT
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | Michigan USA |
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Posted: Sat Feb 2nd, 2008 02:28 pm |
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I enjoyed all of them!
Although I'm not sure I should've read Detective Lou Banks, because I'd been tossing around a similar type of story for a detective I'd put in one of my previous plays. Guess I'll have to give that one up at least until I forget what this one was about... don't want it influencing me, and then there's the plagarism lawsuits...
But I digress. Great job, all!
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