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Corerro
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 03:05 am |
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When, on the bleeding edge of the Trojan War, one woman wakes to find her world shattered and a thriving kingdom within her grip, she’s forced onto a path to find both herself and her power. Facing intense scrutiny from her advisors, pressure from a suitor and a swelling call to vengeance, Clytemnestra, inspired by various myths, including Aeschylus' Agamemnon, explores one woman's journey from heartbreaking loss to political triumph. From victim to victor, the maligned queen ascends the throne with horrifying consequences.
Thoughts?
Last edited on Tue Feb 20th, 2007 01:32 pm by Corerro
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muncy
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 05:31 pm |
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Too many comma's for me. I prefer short sentences to get the attention. How about:
On the bleeding edge of the Trojan War, one woman wakes to find her world shattered and a thriving kingdom within her grip. Facing intense scrutiny from her advisors, pressure from a suitor and a swelling call to vengeance, she’s forced onto a path to find both herself and her power. Clytemnestra is inspired by various myths, including Aeschylus' Agamemnon, and explores one woman's journey from heartbreaking loss to political triumph. From victim to victor, the maligned queen ascends the throne with horrifying consequences.
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Corerro
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 05:54 pm |
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| Yes! What a difference some rearranging can do. I want to be sure it doesn't blurt out everything, but provokes interest.
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in media res
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 08:27 pm |
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Is this going to be a retelling of "Agamemnon" from a diferent perspective? If so, I would make that clear.
If this IS a retelling of the Agamemnon tale by Aeschylus why not even shorter:
"Clytemnestra," is a retelling of Aeschylus' tragedy, "Agamemnon," Through its several powerful roles, it explores a maligned and vengeful queen's journey from heartbreaking loss to political triumph which results in horryfying consequences.
(If you are using othe than Greek myths, cut "Greek.") If it is not modern, cut modern. Could also use I don't know the play you are writing. But I do know Agamemnon. Assume most people you send it to probably won't! But for those who do, you need have limited explanation. For those who don't, it won't matter much anyway. Yet both those who know or don't know will be impressed to hear of your attempt!
I am!
Best of luck with it.
in media resLast edited on Tue Feb 20th, 2007 08:28 pm by in media res
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Corerro
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 11:30 pm |
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in media,
Howdy! Yes and No and Yes again... The play is a telling of the story of Clytemnestra... My first act is an exploration of the events that lead up to Aggie's grisly end... Agamemnon appears, Aegisthus is there, Artemis herself makes an entrance. The 2nd act will be somewhat more familiar as I paid a little homage to Aeschylus' telling by weaving in his plot structure of the homecoming with my arc... Aegisthus/Clytemnestra's affair and some other things... The ending wraps up quite dramatically and is a serious departure from Agamemnon. So, it's sticky territory I suppose, as it's not really a retelling, but rather a contemporary exploration of the story that Aeschylus doesn't really even dive into. For the sake of familiarity, I'm calling it an adaptation. I intend to write the rest of the saga, which I will be, for all intents and purposes, adapting the Orestian trilogy. Ambitious undertaking, they tell me, for a 27 year old haha... I began the idea when I was 23. Thanks for the feedback.
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in media res
Member
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Posted: Wed Feb 21st, 2007 03:22 am |
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Correro,
27 too young? Balderdash!
Michelangelo sculpted the David and the Pieta before he was thirty.
If not now, when?
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
—Mark Twain
Best wishes,
in media res
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RLN
Member
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Posted: Wed May 9th, 2007 03:22 pm |
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Try this:
While her man fights the Trojan War, Queen Clytemnestra struggles to hold together her shattered world and govern the kingdom. Facing intense scrutiny from her advisors, pressure from suitor Aegisthes, and the temptation of revenge, Clytemnestra struggles to climb from heartbreaking loss to political triumph. Inspired by a diverse array of mythic sources, this new take on an old story depicts a heroic struggle from victimization to victory to tragedy as the maligned queen wins the throne -- with horrifying consequences.
Last edited on Wed May 9th, 2007 03:23 pm by RLN
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