| Author | Post |
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Michael Starr
Member
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Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 10:42 am |
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THE BREAK-UP!
By
MICHAEL STARR
Script Copyright 2007 – Michael Starr
Website: http://www.michaelstarr.co.uk
Email: contact@michaelstarr.co.uk
LAUREN walks onto stage and sits down. She pulls out a book and begins reading. A few moments pass. RALPH drifts onto stage, and stops in his tracks.
RALPH
OH WOW! Fancy that! What a coincidence! Here I am, passing by, and here… you… are! Right there… reading a book… as I – as I - pass by… randomly, from point A to – to – to point ZEE.
LAUREN
(Passively while closing book)
Hello again RALPH --
RALPH
…and there YOU are! While I’m passing by, at the same time, and while you’re here at the same place - as me, at the – same moment – of time, and --
LAUREN
…What do you want? --
RALPH
…You see, right there! Presuming – Why? Why would I want anything? I don’t WANT anything. I’m not a – a – I’m not! I’m merely – making my way towards… over there.
LAUREN
Please, don’t let ME hold you up.
RALPH
Trust me when I say this… you’re… you’re… not!
LAUREN
…And yet here you are, still talking to me.
RALPH
I’m resting! It’s allowed! By law! Is this not a public pathway? Or am I missing something here? Am I stepping on sacred soil, LAUREN? Do you own this patch of grass growing between my shoes? Am I, you know, stepping on your hood, breaking a relationship rule, and disrespecting your self well being through my apparent presence? How about if I stamp on the mud? Would that be breaking the law, LAUREN? Would it?
(Stamps on the spot)
You know what mud spelt backwards is don’t you? DUM! D-U-M! DUM!
LAUREN
Well that joke doesn’t work! The word dumb ends with a B! So technically, you’re trying to spell BMUD backwards.
RALPH
Well maybe the missing phantom B is in your bonnet. As in you… having a B - in – your bonnet – meaning – you’re – err --
LAUREN
…Grow up! --
RALPH
…NO! YOU grow up! I’m taller than you. You - grow up!
LAUREN
I’m already grown up thank you very much!
RALPH
Yes! Yes! The seeds of many are well and truly planted within!
(Stamps on spot)
…and I’m not talking about the mud this time either!
LAUREN
Is THAT your attempt at sexual innuendo?
RALPH
…Please, like I’d flirt with YOU!
LAUREN
RALPH…
(Pauses)
Let’s not do this again. Not after yesterday
RALPH
Yes! Yes! Why don’t we just push it ALL under the carpet, and pretend that WE never happened
LAUREN
OH RALPH!
RALPH
WWWEEEELLLLL… You’ve got what you wanted haven’t you? Me out of the way!
LAUREN
I never wanted you out of the way!
RALPH
Course not! You just dumped me, dumped me for no reason. Like a fish, and If THAT’S not wanting me out the way then I’m JOHNNY WILLIAMS!!!
LAUREN
Who?
RALPH
JOHNNY WILLIAMS! Lives at number forty seven?
LAUREN
I don’t know him.
RALPH
JOHNNY!!!
LAUREN
I don’t know him, RALPH!
RALPH
Oh forget it!
LAUREN
Clearly YOU are still angry with me
RALPH
I’m not angry with you, LAUREN.
(Pauses before launching into a rant)
You wouldn’t even listen! Not once, you wouldn’t listen to what I had to say. One minute, we’re happy and in love doing all those loved up activities only people in love do, like watching the Batman movie box-set and going to the shops, then out the blue you announce “I think we should finish things!” Then… …THEN… when I - I – I challenge it, YOU go quiet, and refuse to contribute in our adult conversation!
LAUREN
You called me a stuck up pig faced horse licking dung beetle!!!
RALPH
You provoked me –-
LAUREN
…Provoked!?! You didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself! I highlight my feelings in an open and honest way, and you launched into a tirade of verbal abuse.
RALPH
What do you mean tirade of abuse? Typical girl talk that is! What drama you speak –-
LAUREN
…Then you called me “LAUREN, Queen of Slutsville”. That one REALLY hurt me, RALPH!
RALPH
Yes well --
LAUREN
…FINGER MOUSE! That was another one!
RALPH
(Chuckling)
LAUREN
It’s not funny, RALPH!
RALPH
No. Yes. No. You’re right, that’s not funny. I’m sorry
LAUREN
It’s cruel and unjust
RALPH
You’ve gotta understand though, my brain doesn’t work like your brain okay! I don’t have freaky female hormonal thought patterns slotted inside my head. I’m a guy okay? I like to think simple… in the box… black and white… Square and not-Square… but you females are crazy! You’re hot one moment, and then cold the next, in between that, you have big ranges from super hot, to mega ice lolly cold. I can’t help but think that you strung me along.
LAUREN
I’m sorry that I hurt you. Really, I didn’t want to do that. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you, and I didn’t string you along. I like you, and in a couple of years time maybe –-
RALPH
…yes, in the future I know!
LAUREN
You MUST understand where I’m coming from with this, and my reasons behind it. I’m not ready for a serious relationship, and I don’t want to disappoint you, or get your hopes up.
RALPH
I understand. I understand that you don’t want to be tied down, and that’s fine with me.
LAUREN
Really? It wasn’t fine yesterday!
RALPH
Well I’ve had time to adjust now haven’t I? I’m not happy about it, but as you say, who knows in the future maybe we’ll hook up again, and we can still hang out as mates anyway right?
LAUREN
Of course! I said we could yesterday.
RALPH
GREAT! GREAT!
(Pauses with thought)
So… you – err – you wanna do something tonight then? I mean as friends? You don’t HAVE to!
LAUREN
I don’t think that’s a good idea, RALPH.
RALPH
Right, of course, yes. Too soon! I understand, and you’re seeing other people also so --
LAUREN
(Shocked)
…I’m sorry?
RALPH
You don’t have to apologise –-
LAUREN
…I’m NOT seeing other people! Why would you think that?
RALPH
Well… it kinda makes sense, right? I mean why else would you finish with me?
LAUREN
…So just because I won’t go out with you, you assume that I’m automatically seeing someone else?
RALPH
Like I say, it makes sense!
LAUREN
Well I’m not! Who told you I was seeing other people?
RALPH
No-one
LAUREN
RALPH!!!
RALPH
You know what. I really don’t want to name drop, it’s just that she mentioned –-
LAUREN
…SHE!!!!
RALPH
…oh… err –-
LAUREN
…What else did SARAH say?
RALPH
Nothing! It was a passing comment, I swear!
LAUREN
…So it WAS SARAH who said something!
RALPH
…Oh – err - well – you see I –-
LAUREN
…What did she say to you EXACTLY? Word for word.
RALPH
(Sighs)
Don’t tell her that I told you that she told me, okay?
LAUREN
…What did she say to you EXACTLY, RALPH?
RALPH
She may have slipped into a non related conversation some detail involving you, Stewart, and this forthcoming Saturday night
LAUREN
WHAT!
RALPH
(Nervous laughter)
I KNOW RIGHT! As if! Within hours of finishing with me! You - and – and - STEWART - together - on a date, together? Ha! Ha! Ha! What a load of rubbish! Right?
LAUREN
I’ll kill her!
RALPH
What for? Lying?
LAUREN
No, not exactly
RALPH
OOH!
LAUREN
Listen, after our row yesterday I was feeling down, and he offered to take me to the movies AS A FRIEND this Saturday to cheer me up
RALPH
THAT SON OF A …!!!
(Stops himself)
I’m really chuffed that you have such a caring friend!
(Performs a fake arm punch)
I’m really happy for you. I am, no really – I AM! It’s good to surround yourself with guys who you don’t fancy
LAUREN
I don’t want you thinking it’s a date or anything though
RALPH
I don’t! Like you say, it’s just two friends, like me and you, going out somewhere, to enjoy each others company, together, and that’s it. Nothing more, I mean it’s not as if I’m your boyfriend or anything
(Wipes eye)
LAUREN
Are you crying?
RALPH
NOOOOOOO! These are tears of joy! Joy because I’m happy that you have friends. I mean, I know you HAVE friends, I’m just happy that you’re going out on a – a - an evening out… and… with STEWART, of all people, which is great! Yaay for STEWART!!!
LAUREN
Okay, look I need to --
RALPH
…STEWART!!! STEWART of ALL people!!!
LAUREN
Here we go. I KNEW this was coming. Don’t get upset with me please. He’s a friend that’s all!
RALPH
Yeah okay! It starts off as friendship and then at the movies his hand will slip down passed the popcorn box and land on your crotch! WHAM! Suddenly you’re in a serious relationship
LAUREN
Oh don’t be ridiculous --
RALPH
AM I? AM I?!?
LAUREN
Yes!
RALPH
…You’ll be all like…
(Feminine voice)
…Oh your hand touched my you know what…
(Normal voice)
…then he’ll be like…
(Masculine voice)
…I know! You liked it didn’t you…
(Normal voice)
…and you’ll be like…
(Feminine voice)
…Do it again! DO IT AGAIN!
LAUREN
You’re being ridiculous
RALPH
I KNOW, OKAY! I KNOW! I’M A GUY! I KNOW how guys work. I have like a HUNDRED of those tricks inside my head, in my head.
LAUREN
Listen to me. I’m going out with STEWART this weekend whether you like it or not. It is NOT a date! He will NOT be touching me at ANY point I can assure you. Actually, why am I even discussing this with you? It’s no longer any of your business!
Both stand in silence for a moment, RALPH composes himself.
…I don’t even like STEWART in that way! He’s not my type at all!
RALPH
I’m sorry, again. I just feel protective over you, and I know what STEWARTS like!
LAUREN
You’re just feeling down because I’m going out this weekend and you’re not. It’s only natural
RALPH
I am going out this weekend, on a date!
LAUREN
You, have a date?
RALPH
With a model
LAUREN
…A model?
RALPH
Called…
(Pauses for thought)
…REBECCA!
LAUREN
You have a date, with a model, called REBECCA?
RALPH
Yes. She does fashion… CLOTHES! She wears fashion clothes - at fashion events like – the – Clothes – Show?
LAUREN
So you’re going on a date with a fashion model?
RALPH
That’s what I said!
LAUREN
This weekend?
RALPH
Yeeeap
LAUREN
So it’s okay for YOU to go out on a date with some random girl, yet I get the third degree over my plans
RALPH
That’s different?
LAUREN
How? You tell me how that’s different!
RALPH
Because… because… I’m not really going on a date with a fashion model OKAY! I made it up. THERE! Are you happy now?
LAUREN
How pathetic are you?
RALPH
Oh I’m pathetic? I’m pathetic? At least I’m not going out with STEWART!
LAUREN
NOR AM I!!! ARGGHHH!!! Just leave! I’m not interested in anything you have to say anymore.
RALPH
Oh don’t you worry princess, I’m gone this time rest assured!
LAUREN
Good, consider our friendship over.
RALPH
We’re through, that’s it. Over!
LAUREN
Oh don’t you believe it!
RALPH
Over! Gone! Finished!
LAUREN
So glad
RALPH
Everything we worked towards. The good times, the bad times, it’s all over
LAUREN slides her book into her bag, and prepares to walk off
LAUREN
If you’re not leaving, then I am!
RALPH
So long! Farewell! You are now officially an EX! Keep the photos, and the letters. I don’t want them back! DO YOU HEAR! I don’t need you anymore, I’m over it! We were nothing!!
LAUREN
(Turns to RALPH)
The both jump into a full on passionately wild kiss and fall to the floor. Lights out!
RALPH (in dark)
OH MY GOD!! I LOVE ROLE PLAYAAAAAAoohhhaaaarrooYES!!!!
The End
Last edited on Thu Nov 8th, 2007 10:43 am by Michael Starr
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Swann1719
Member
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Posted: Sun Nov 18th, 2007 03:00 pm |
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Hi Michael -
I wonder about why you are frustrated with this. I can think of two reasons. The first is that I'm not sure that things with Ralph and Lauren escalate or develop in a way that can hold the reader's interest. The second is that the role playing thing seemed - to me - like a bit of a cop-out. There may be people who enjoy squabbling as roll-play foreplay but Ralph and Lauren didn't seem to be those people. Their argument seemed to veer between really hurting each other and trying to be more clever than the other - both of which are fine choices, of course, but what is it that they are getting out of the roll playing? What is the nature of their actual relationship that this spar and thrust thing is only a fantasy roll play?
Good luck working on it. I know what it's like to be frustrated with something and I hope you get it where you want it.
Cheers,
Your friendly neighbourhood Swann
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SeanD
Member
| Joined: | Tue Apr 1st, 2008 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 9 |
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Posted: Fri Apr 4th, 2008 11:28 pm |
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I found the beginning line a bit odd. I don't think you should make Ralphs first line quite so- out there. A less weird approach might be best because, I think, you want to see he's upset about something and giving it away just at the right time, but still show his everlasting negativity an defensivness towards Lauren as shown in Ralphs fifth line.
I liked the way you worded third line. You never mentioned what he really is, and becasue of that you kept me interested.
I loved the semi-immature arguments between Ralph and Lauren in the beginning. You really made their relationship noticable throughout the whole play...or skit, whatever you want to call it.
Johnny Williams was a good twist, but it drew attention away from the real story, and everything there after. Everything you write should progress the plot even further, not doing so results in one boring play.
Another thing that kept me interested was when Ralph said "You've got what you wanted, haven't you? Me out of the way!" This made me interested in two things. One, Ralphs character, on how he uses outbursts to bring up key points in the plot, rather than subtle coments. And two, how Lauren is taking all of this. Her next line isn't that surprising.
Laurens "dung-beetle" and "Slutsville" lines made me laugh.
When Ralph makes the comment about his brain not working like Laurens, his mood changes too rapidly, and is only complimented earlier when he laughs.
I like how you continuosly switch control to each of the characters, makes it more dynamic.
Things took a turn for the best when Lauren wants to kill Sarah, possibly...something that you know and the reader has to find out! Good suspense builder.
Did you plan on Stewart being a good looking guy? If so, that changes the whole perspective of the play to "possibly Lauren does like Stewart because he's good looking" or "Stewart doesn't even look good! Lauren couldn't possibly like him!"
Funny ending! I loved it. The end contradicts so much with the title, sweet!
I agree, it does need some work, but you have a great idea.
Good job! :-)
Sean
Last edited on Sat Apr 5th, 2008 01:18 am by SeanD
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