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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Sun Jan 27th, 2008 12:37 am |
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I just put the finishing touches to my last play. - Never thought I'd say those words, but there they are. And I'm happy.
to give a little background, 23 years ago I sat down in Brompton Cemetery in London and wrote my first play. It was a radio play, about forty minutes long and written over one long warm afternoon. One year later it was broadcast. I produced several more radio plays, then moved on to the stage. I had work produced in London, Dublin, Edinburgh, NYC and many other places. I loved dialogue. loved inventing voices. Loved the excitement of live theatre.
Somewhere along the line things started to get out of whack. I became obsessed by structure, and conversation is rarely structured. dialogue became a slave to form. words were shoe-horned into framework and it all started to feel like hard work and, like most writers, I hate hard work.
eight or nine years ago I was walking down Pembroke Road, in Dublin, when I bumped into an acquaintance. Paddy (his real name) I knew as a poet. He was usually glum and withdrawn, but on this occasion he seemed wired with joy. I asked him why he seemed so happy and he told me: "I've given up the poetry", he said, "sure it was killing me". - I was stunned. I didn't think that art was something you could quit. "I've dumped the lot", he said, "and I've never felt better". I examined him for irony, sarcasm, anything. Nothing. he was genuine. He walked away with a jaunty stride and I dipped into the Waterloo bar where I spent the remainder of the day in polluted confusion.
On January 1st, 2004 I took my last drink. 25 pubs closed for the day in mourning. On January 2nd I stayed home and started examining my work with a sober eye and I was saddened by what I saw: Moving chronologically through the material I could feel the energy draining away. I could see phrases being repeated. Ideas rehashed and diluted to that point just above nothingness. I was like an old hooker looking in a mirror, wondering what the hell happened to my teeth. Had they fallen or were they pushed?
So there was this fragment of a play called LEAD, my first attempt, written hurriedly and surreptitiously, in pencil, at my drawing board when I worked in a steelworks in the late 70's. Tonight I finished it. And closed the circle. It's a one act. Not very long, but it sure took a long time to finish.
Right now I'm sitting back in my chair. Fire burning in the grate. So this is how it feels when your work is done.
LEAD
(A DRAWING OFFICE in a steelworks in a small town in Ireland.)
(The period is The Remembered Seventies: Streakers, mood rings and bean bag chairs. Pet Rocks and the Jim Jones Death cult. Happy times.)
(Two hundred years ago this crumbling place was a prison. Thick walls and rusty bars. It's grey and cold, like the inside of a dead man's lung.)
(Behind a partition is the man we never see: THE 'LB'. He's the boss. Later on, we'll explain what 'L.B' stands for.)
(LEO, a thin creature with wasted features and a wisp of blonde hair peeping out from under a pork pie hat, is lost in thought as he studies COLUM'S backside with an unhealthy interest.)
(COLUM Is about twenty years old. Industrious. Flannel and crisp cotton, pressed by his mother. He's in his third year of apprenticeship.)
LEO
You know something Colum? You have a fabulous body.
(COLUM ignores LEO)
LEO
Fabulous. Ripe. Lush. Firm. Taut. Tight. Magnificent. You're like a centurion. Kirk Douglas. Jason. Argonauts. All that manly wrestling and sword play...
(COLUM unclips his drawing from the board and goes to the print machine. He feeds the drawing into the machine and an undeveloped blueprint spools out.)
LEO
Those trousers are very tight. They must give you blisters.
(COLUM gives LEO a withering stare as he rolls up the blueprint and stuffs it into the ammonia box. He waits for it to develop)
LEO
Shanahan!
SHANAHAN
What?
LEO
You're very industrious over there.
(SHANAHAN is a young, intense man who wears black pants and a polo neck sweater. He toils away on a drawing which we cannot see.)
SHANAHAN
I'm trying not to get fired on my first day.
LEO
My first day on the drawing board was in Morrisseys of Portarlington. I produced a magnificent sketch, full of curlicues, filigrees, fandangles and arabesques
(thoughtful PAUSE)
Even the devil himself couldn't understand it. Not only was I fired, I was sent for psychiatric evaluation.
SHANAHAN
And found insane?
LEO
The evaluation continues. - It won't turn out well. - Do you have a girlfriend? You do, don't you? You should bring her down to Flannagans some evening.
SHANAHAN
I don't think so.
LEO
She might sit on me knee and we could see what comes up. Am I disgusting? Do I disgust you? I disgust myself. I think about women nearly all the time.
(studies COLUM)
Occasionally I think about men. I'd prefer to think about women only, but you can't control what's inside the head. Do you ever have thoughts like that? Am I the only one here who thinks like this? It's lonely.
(LEO turns his attention to MICK.)
LEO
You wouldn't think of switching over?
MICK
I like the ink.
(MICK is Forty years old, grey-hair and a solid gut that looks like a partially inflated medicine ball. He works with pen and ink and churns out functional drawings at a respectable rate. He unclips his drawing from the board and waves it about to get the ink dry.)
LEO
It's very defined, the Indian ink. It goes right back to the beginning days of draughting, doesn't it? When a man had to go out and catch a goose before he could start work.
MICK
Catch a goose?
LEO
For the quill, you know.
(MICK slips his drawing into a desk drawer)
LEO
I could never have gone chasing after a goose. I would have gotten hopelessly aroused. Me and the goose would have ended up in a hay barn somewhere. Breathless. Silent. Guilty and ashamed, but ready to go at it again. She would never go back to the gander. How could she? She's had Leo Butler. No matter where she goes now, it will be down the evolutionary ladder.
(to SHANAHAN)
Have you seen any ghosts here yet?
(SHANAHAN just shakes his head and smiles. It seems he's not a believer)
LEO
Sooner or later everyone who works in this place sees a ghost. Amn't I right, Duke.
DUKE
You are, sir.
LEO
The Duke says I'm right.
SHANAHAN
You must be right so.
(The best of the draughtsmen is THE DUKE, a.k.a. Benedict Duke. He is big, bearded and wears a three piece suit. Always good humoured and easily amused.)
LEO
When this place was a prison there was an execution every other week. It's crawling with ghosts. Crawling. Nooks. Crannies. Jammed with ghosts and ghouls.
(MICK picks up his old-style briefcase and puts a measuring tape and a notebook in)
LEO
Where are you off to?
MICK
Site meeting.
LEO
You're a great man for the site meetings. Very ex-site-ing, are they? They never send me. They know I'd never turn up I suppose. I'd leave here but I'd never get there. They need somebody dependable, that's why they're sending you. Dependable Mick. Reliable Mick, trustworthy, unfailing...
(MICK walks to the door)
LEO
And you'll be back too. You're like a homing pigeon. You won't disappear off on a skite. Good ould reliable, dependable, honest-to goodness, straight forward, I'd-never let-you-down-in-a-million-years-Mick.
(MICK exits. THE DUKE picks up the telephone, dials zero, and gets through to the switchboard.)
DUKE
Siobhan. Can you put me through to that number.
(He waits to get through)
Hello Richard, the Duke here. I'm on for Saturday morning. It'll be dark green. You can't miss it.
(THE DUKE hangs up)
LEO
Very enigmatic. Your phone calls. It's always terribly hush-hush, top secret. A number. A day. A colour. Mystery. Intrigue. Skulduggery...
DUKE
Have you given up on the drawing?
LEO
I wish they'd fire me.
DUKE
You're going the right way about it.
LEO
I'm not bad enough to be fired. I'm middling. I'm middling at everything I do except the sex. I'm very good at sex. I get compliments. Not just during it but sometimes, a couple of days later, a postcard will arrive: "Leo, the sex was magnificent.... Marge".
L.B.
(UNSEEN)
There's a lot of talk going on out there.
LEO
I suppose there is. It's all talk. I'll die at this drawing board and then the talk will stop.
(to COLUM)
You know, you'd look great in short pants. Skimpy. Hot, Hot pants. Fiery legs. Smoldering arse. I see you running through a field of barley. The chaff tickling your thighs. Neil Diamond music playing in the background...
(LEO loosens tie. COLUM starts a fresh drawing)
COLUM
Would you ever give it a rest.
L.B.
Keep it down out there. I'm going out now, but when I come back I want to see progress.
(The sound of L.B. jogging down the stairs. LEO goes to the window and looks out)
LEO
There he goes. Our little ray of sunshine. Our warden in this great penitentiary of life.
(LEO takes a copy of 'Penthouse' magazine from his drawer and opens it)
LEO
'The El Toro Penis Enlarger'. What's it all about, lads? What is it all about? Why would you mess with God's creation? Would you want a bigger nose, fatter ears, or longer fingers? Would you pay forty pounds for this machine if all it did was give you thicker ankles? Holy Jesus! There's a thirteen amp plug on it. I have an electric drill and it only has a five amp.
(PAUSE)
Still, I suppose it's easier to enlarge the penis than it is to shrink the vagina. Elasticity. The man who can make the vagina smaller will be a millionaire overnight. And it will be a man. Why would a woman bother? She'll just go out and find a chap with a bigger ding-dong
(PAUSE)
"Express delivery available??". Tell me, where's your rush? What's your hurry? Another week or two with a little Willy... It's not going to kill you. Have you got no patience?
(PAUSE)
I wonder does it come in a penis-shaped parcel. - With a bow. - Maybe a long vein of stamps running down the underside?
(LEO lights a cigarette and puffs furiously. He is enveloped in smoke)
LEO
Did I ever tell you chaps about the time I worked as a postman?
(No one pays much attention to LEO)
LEO
It was Christmas, '67 and I was just finished school. They were looking for relief workers for the seasonal rush. It was a grand uniform. Grand. And a bicycle. They gave you a big, black Raleigh with a lamp on the front. I toured all over the countryside with my little sack full of letters. People used to give me cups of tea and the odd shot of whiskey. They were always happy to see me. Greetings and glad tidings. That's what I brought with me. -- I remember this one particular day...
(Lights fade all round. LEO is lit by a spot)
LEO
I found myself up this long twisting lane I had never been up before. What do I see at the end of it but a derelict house. Broken windows. Slates missing off the roof. Old net curtains streeling out through shattered panes. A gorse bush sprouting from a chimney pot. Decay, ruination and blight.
(PAUSE)
But here's the thing: This house had a beautiful door. It was painted pink. Flesh coloured pink.
(PAUSE)
FLESH coloured!!
(PAUSE)
And there was something about the way the sunlight caught it. Out there, in the middle of that wild, coarse bogland where everything was grey and brown and worn to the bone -- A flesh pink door! What was going on? What? Answer me that.
(PAUSE)
It had a letterbox. This wonderful, narrow little vertical letterbox, positioned almost exactly at waist height. I approached the door. I gently pressed my fingertips against the letterbox and it creaked, ever so slightly. It hadn't been touched like that in a while. Sure it was inevitable. Inevitable. What man could resist? It had to be done. No way around it. Flesh coloured door. Waist high letterbox! Leo Butler aroused on his bicycle and not a sinner in sight.
(PAUSE)
I lowered the bottom portion of the post office uniform. I curled both hands around the knob and I made love to that pink door for how long I couldn't even say, but it felt like a sweet eternity. She was shy at first, but gradually she responded. I was coaxing emotions from her she didn't even remember she possessed, and why wouldn't I? I was young, I was handsome; she had a transom...
(PAUSE)
I shook her locks and I rattled her hinges. I nibbled on her knocker and I whispered sweet nothings in her keyhole. Corncrakes were startled, cows stopped mooing in the fields. Rabbits climbed walls to get a better look. A knot of crows circled above like the black pupil in the white pupil of the sky: God's eye looking down, and not in anger, but more in excited curiosity.
(LEO lets out a long, orgasmic groan. His entire body shudders and convulses)
LEO
Ooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
(LONG PAUSE)
Afterwards, as I lay curled on her doorstep, smoking an unfiltered Woodbine, I listened to her breathing; or maybe it was just the sound of the wind rustling under her draught excluder, and I felt sad. - I knew I would never return. The hedgerows would close in on the laneway and the chestnut trees would drop heavy shadows across my lover's face. Wet leaves would be plastered to her in Autumn. Frost would sparkle on her in Winter. The rain would wash her relentlessly in Spring. Her looks would fade; her brass would tarnish and her paint would flake, but she would never forget this moment.
(SOFTLY)
Leo Butler. His bicycle thrown against a hawthorn. His little sack of letters swinging in the breeze and he, the exhausted prince, sprawled at her feet like an emotional welcome mat, circling the outer edges of sleep...
(Lights come back up. LEO realizes that everyone is staring at him)
LEO
What? WHAT?? Am I a monster? -- I went to the confession that Friday. I told the priest I worked for the P&T and I had experienced a little incident whilst out on my rounds. "Did you fail to make a delivery?" He asked. "On the contrary, Father" I said, "I'm afraid I came in the post."
(LEO rolls up the magazine and starts to walk to the door)
THE DUKE
You're in the mood for love?
LEO
I am.
THE DUKE
Cell number seven?
LEO
If the peephole is a rockin' don't come a knockin'.
(LEO exits)
COLUM
Does he ever stop talking about sex?
THE DUKE
It plays on his mind a lot.
COLUM
Was he always like this?
THE DUKE
He used to be worse, before the stroke.
COLUM
He had a stroke?
THE DUKE
He has five or six of them every day.
COLUM
You're a panic.
(The men draw. Hammering of steel fills the air. It has a rhythm. Gradually the men share the tempo. Tapping pencils. Nodding heads. Meanwhile, in the basement, in semi-darkness, in cell number seven, LEO sits on a bunk and by candle light he studies his pornographic magazine with a magnifying glass)
LEO
Aaaah! The devil is in the detail. I love the goose-pimples. It's like Braille for perverts. I should invest in a microscope.
(He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. The cell door creaks)
LEO
Lucy Rose?
(A mist rolls in and from it LUCY ROSE appears. She is young, flighty and dressed in frayed 19th century clothing which was once stylish, even sexy)
LUCY ROSE
Are you alone?
LEO
I am. Are you?
LUCY ROSE
Yes.
LEO
I said you could bring a friend if you wanted.
LUCY ROSE
You've got something filthy in mind, I'll be bound.
LEO
I've always got something filthy in mind, and you can be bound if you wish.
(The ghost of LUCY ROSE is almost shy in LEO'S company. He is, after all, a man from a different age. From the future. The 1970's! A time of unimaginable sophistication.)
LUCY ROSE
I don't know why I came here. You only want me for one thing.
LEO
One thing, perhaps, but we'll be doing it in ten different ways.
LUCY ROSE
You're terrible.
LEO
I am. I'm atrocious I suppose, but I can't help it. I'm driven by the most basic of urges. I love your hair. Did I tell you that yesterday? The way it smells. No soap. No conditioner.
LUCY ROSE
I do wash it.
LEO
But not too much.
LUCY ROSE
I never know when you're saying nice things to me.
LEO
You're gorgeous, you're smashing, you're fabulous.
LUCY ROSE
I don't know these words.
LEO
It's the language of love, now come here like a good girl and lets get you out of them nasty, tight clothes.
(He reaches for her but she backs away)
LEO
Oh, what's up?
LUCY ROSE
It's just... A special day.
LEO
It's your birthday?
LUCY ROSE
The opposite.
LEO
(confused)
What could be the opposite of...
(and then the penny drops)
Oh!
LUCY ROSE
(she nods)
They called for the priest to come and anoint me, before my execution, but he never came. - Nullus viaticum.
LEO
"No provision for the journey"
LUCY ROSE
You know your Latin.
LEO
A year in the seminary before I got sense. What about you?
LUCY ROSE
I was a good girl before I became a bad girl.
(He draws her to him and seats her on his knee)
LEO
I'm glad I didn't meet you any sooner.
LUCY ROSE
It was on this day. They took me from here and brought me to the gallows: Two loose boards above the gate lodge. They put a seedling sack over my head and I could smell the earth inside it. My fingers were laced in prayer behind my back, then tied, not too tightly, with a strip of leather. I remember thinking that this man who was about to kill me was very gentle. He turned me this way and then that way, as a dressmaker might when fitting you for a gown.
(PAUSE)
I heard it said that the executioner might whisper a word in your ear, and he did, he said "The rope is short, you'll not feel a thing". And he was right. I felt nothing. Then I went on to feel nothing for years and years... Until you came along.
(PAUSE)
I'm sorry. Have I distressed you?
LEO
Well, I'll put it like this, I'm not as aroused as I was five minutes ago.
(She stands and draws him up. They kiss)
LUCY ROSE
So what is your woman like?
LEO
I don't have a woman, at the minute.
LUCY ROSE
(incredulous)
A man like you? With a fine job and clean fingernails. What woman wouldn't want you?
LEO
I'm afraid the women have raised the bar in the twentieth century. Just having your own teeth isn't enough any more.
LUCY ROSE
I don't think I'll ever understand the future.
LEO
Let me show you something I don't understand myself.
(He opens the Penthouse magazine and presents it before her. She appears baffled.)
LUCY ROSE
What is it?
LEO
It's a penis enlarger.
LUCY ROSE
But... it doesn't look very big.
LEO
Aaaah! You know what it is, I have you spoiled.
(He grabs her and smothers her with kisses. She laughs loudly. The lights FADE on LEO and LUCY ROSE ands come up on the drawing office. COLUM cocks an ear)
COLUM
Did you hear that?
DUKE
What?
COLUM
It sounded like a woman laughing.
DUKE
That would be Lucy Rose.
COLUM
Who?
DUKE
Last woman to be hanged here. They say her husband caught her fooling around with another chap, he struck her, she produced a razor and slit him from ear to ear. She haunts the cells downstairs.
SHANAHAN
Yeah, right.
COLUM
Do you believe that stuff?
DUKE
I met her once.
SHANAHAN
I'm sure you did.
DUKE
I was down in the records room looking for an old drawing.
COLUM
And she popped out of a filing cabinet?
DUKE
You shouldn't joke about this stuff.
SHANAHAN
Was she rattling her chains?
DUKE
She was on her way to the gallows.
(DUKE nods upwards, indicating something above)
DUKE
That bell was ringing.
COLUM
What bell?
SHANAHAN
Directly above us. The old tower. It's all sealed up now, but it's still in there. The Execution Bell. Whenever it chimed, a life was about to end.
(DUKE turns back to his drawing, as though the matter is closed.)
COLUM
And??
DUKE
I stepped out into the corridor and she was walking towards me. Head bowed. Saying her prayers: "Deus meus, ex toto corde..."
COLUM
Excuse me?
DUKE
Act of contrition.
COLUM
So what did you say to her?
DUKE
Now why would you think a man would talk to a ghost? - I was petrified. I thought my heart was going to stop. I thought my blood was going to freeze. - it was only when she got right up in front of me that she raised her head...
(DUKE turns back to his drawing, aware that he has a rapt audience in COLUM)
COLUM
Yeah?
DUKE
I thought you didn't believe me?
COLUM
I don't, but I still want to hear then end of the story.
DUKE
There's not much more to tell. She looked at me and she whispered
(whispers)
"Ego mos exuro".
COLUM
And I still don't understand Latin.
DUKE & SHANAHAN
"I will burn forever".
COLUM
A cheerful girl, by the sound of it.
DUKE
Finest looking woman I ever saw, living or dead.
(PAUSE)
Then she lowered her head and walked on. And I heard the bell ring. And she was gone.
(DUKE makes the sort of gesture a magician might make when something disappears.)
COLUM
Does everyone who works in this place end up cracked?
DUKE
You might meet her yourself one day. Maybe some night when you're working here alone, the door will open and she will appear.
(The door opens very slowly and SIOBHAN, a secretary, appears. She looks nervously towards Leo's desk. The secretaries rarely enter the drawing office, so it must be something important.)
SIOBHAN
He's not around, is he, Leo?
DUKE
You're safe for the moment.
SIOBHAN
The other girls asked me to come over and have a word.
DUKE
You were deputized?
SIOBHAN
I was. It's about your friend.
DUKE
(puts down pencil. sits back)
Oh?
SIOBHAN
He's worrying the girls.
DUKE
Has he been saying anything?
SIOBHAN
Oh, goodness no. No, no, no. Not a bad word. He's always a perfect gentleman in that department. No it's not what he says
(whispers)
It's the eyes.
DUKE
The eyes?
SIOBHAN
You must have noticed his eyes.
DUKE
On occasion, yes.
SIOBHAN
What I mean is... Well, it's the way he looks at us.
DUKE
And how might that be?
COLUM
I think I know.
SIOBHAN
(lower whisper)
Well, you know the expression, "Undress you with his eyes"?
(SHANAHAN and COLUM are straining to listen)
SIOBHAN
He goes much further than that.
DUKE
(with mock gravitas)
You mean... He goes "all the way?"
SIOBHAN
With his eyes, Yes. It's very intimidating. Especially for the married women. Our own husbands don't even look at us like that.
DUKE
You'd like to me to talk to him, is that it?
SIOBHAN
Would you? Would you try to get him to take himself in hand.
DUKE
I've a feeling he might be doing that as we speak.
SIOBHAN
You'll have a word with him?
DUKE
About the eyes?
SIOBHAN
To be honest, the eyes are only the half of it. I'm sure you've noticed the lips too.
DUKE
I have. Just below the eyes.
SIOBHAN
Have you ever noticed how they're always very...
DUKE
Yes?
SIOBHAN
(embarrassed)
Moist! - he licks them a lot. It's very pointed.
DUKE
His method?
SIOBHAN
The actual tongue itself - And long. Most of the girls think there's something shocking about a long tongue and if you have one, wouldn't you be better keeping it to yourself.
(She shifts awkwardly. She seems to have more to say)
DUKE
That's it then?
SIOBHAN
There is one other thing.
DUKE
Oh?
SIOBHAN
He likes to get close and he seems to be sniffing. I think he likes the perfume. He kind of sniffs, and then he smiles. It's a knowing smile, but you wouldn't know exactly what it is that he knows, if you know what I mean.
DUKE
You're as clear as a bell, Siobhan.
SIOBHAN
That's it, really.
DUKE
So, it's down to the eyes, the nose, the tongue and the lips?
SIOBHAN
In a nutshell.
DUKE
I'll tell him to stay away from secretarial.
SIOBHAN
Would you? That would be fantastic. But don't offend him. I mean to say, he's a lovely fella in every other department. Very considerate, the way he opens the door for the women...
DUKE
And then watches them from behind?
SIOBHAN
He doesn't do that, does he?
DUKE
Here's a little secret, Siobhan: All men do.
SIOBHAN
Right. Well, thanks. I suppose...
(SIOBHAN is about to turn and exit, but then, thinking, of what has just been said, she backs away instead. She exits without turning)
COLUM
Well thanks a million.
DUKE
For what?
COLUM
There won't be a secretary left in the place who'll walk out the door in front of us.
DUKE
Don't be so sure. In my experience the only thing women like more than pretending they don't like sex... is sex!
(Lights FADE on drawing office and come up on cell where LEO and LUCY ROSE are sitting, kissing)
LUCY ROSE
Did you bring me a present? You said you would.
(He clearly has forgotten this promise, but after a moment of quick thinking he puts his hand into his shirt pocket and produces a plastic comb. He gives it to her and she is astounded by the material it is made from. She flexes it into a bow, then uses it to comb her hair)
LUCY ROSE
It's beautiful. What is it made from?
LEO
Plastic.
(She doesn't understand)
LEO
The dust of crushed black pearls, bound together with amber and Chinese lacquer.
(And she is impressed. She slides it into her hair and leaves it there as an ornament. LEO feels guilty. He opens his mouth to say something. She stops him with her hand)
LUCY ROSE
I don't really want to know the truth. It's a beautiful gift.
(He takes her hand and plays with the fingers.)
LEO
You still wear your wedding ring.
LUCY ROSE
It doesn't come off.
LEO
Why did you do it?
LUCY ROSE
Why did I kill him?
LEO
Why did you marry him?
LUCY ROSE
For one wrong reason.
LEO
Which was?
LUCY ROSE
He was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Beautiful. A picture portrait to look at. The hair. The cheekbones. The chest. The legs.
(LUCY ROSE takes a locket from around her neck and snaps it open. She hands it to LEO)
LUCY ROSE
God never made such a fine creature before and never made one since, if you'll forgive me for saying so.
LEO
You're forgiven.
LUCY ROSE
When a man is that perfect you can be sure of one thing: Either his heart is black or he has no heart..
LEO
He is a fine looking thing all right.
(swings locket on chain)
And he swings both ways! I'd nearly have a go at him myself.
LUCY ROSE
He doesn't look like that anymore. Every time I see him now he has a different face. A human mask he hides behind. In fact, the first time I saw you... In this place...
LEO
You thought I was him?
(She nods)
LEO
But I convinced you otherwise?
LUCY ROSE
You're gentle. He was a savage.
LEO
I can be savage too, you know.
LUCY ROSE
(ruffles his hair)
No you can't.
LEO
I have hair on the palms of my hands.
LUCY ROSE
And we both know how you got that.
(LEO's demeanor change quite suddenly. He twists her arm up behind her back.)
LEO
Don't be so sure of yourself, little lady. Maybe I'm the Evil One.
LUCY ROSE
Maybe you are.
LEO
Don't mock me.
LUCY ROSE
There's one way to find out for sure.
(LUCY ROSE discreetly slides her hand up her thigh and removes a cutthroat razor from her garter. With one swift motion she flicks it open and brings it up under his throat)
LUCY ROSE
If you're one of us, a ghost, the metal will pass right through you.
LEO
Jesus Christ, I was only messing.
LUCY ROSE
Should I slice you and see?
LEO
I...I..I...I...
(LEO swoons, faints and falls to the floor. LUCY, shocked by this turn of events, puts away the blade and gets down on her knees. Suddenly LEO grabs her and drags her down on top of him. They roll around the floor laughing.)
(The door creaks and both start. They jump up from the floor. The door opens another few inches and LUCY ROSE smiles. She seems to watch something as it crosses the floor. LEO backs away. She picks the invisible thing up from the floor and strokes it, then kisses it and puts it back down)
LUCY ROSE
Don't be afraid, it's only Salty Jack.
LEO
Who?
LUCY ROSE
He's a little rat terrier who roams these halls.
LEO
I can't see him.
LUCY ROSE
That's because he's a ghost's ghost.
LEO
And does he have his own ghost too?
LUCY ROSE
Probably.
LEO
Ad infinitum.
LUCY ROSE
Secula seculorum.
(SILENCE)
LEO
re we safe here?
LUCY ROSE
We are. This is the only place he'll never come looking for me.
LEO
Why is that?
(LUCY ROSE licks a finger and thumb and laughs)
LUCY ROSE
Because he's afraid of the dark!
(She snuffs out the candle. SILENCE. Clothing is ruffled in the darkness. MUSIC plays softly. Something from a time long ago. Time passes.)
(After a few moments the lights come up on the drawing office DUKE unclips his finished drawing and puts it into a drawer. MICK returns. He goes to his desk and puts away his measuring tape. He takes out a clean sheet of tracing paper, as though he were intending to start work, then he glances at his watch)
MICK
Would you look at that. It's lunchtime already.
DUKE
Perfect timing as always.
MICK
Where's our man Leo gone?
COLUM
He's down below, this past hour or more.
MICK
One of these days he'll be getting the bullet.
DUKE
I think that's his general intention.
MICK
He has too much talk in him and not enough work.
DUKE
Good job you're not in charge here, isn't it?
MICK
I'm only saying...
DUKE
I know what you're saying, but why don't you say it to the man himself when he returns.
MICK
It has nothing to do with me...
DUKE
That's right. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a shepherd's pie waiting for me in Flannagans and I have some doors to be opening for the secretaries.
(DUKE exits.)
MICK
Did I say something wrong?
COLUM
I don't think he likes hearing that his mate is going to be fired.
MICK
I was only stating a fact. Are you going for a bite?
COLUM
(looks at watch)
I am.
MICK
Flannagans?
COLUM
The Bridge House if you prefer.
(They walk towards door)
COLUM
Have you ever heard of Lucy Rose?
MICK
I have indeed.
COLUM
Don't tell me, you met her too.
MICK
What?
COLUM
The Duke said he bumped into her once.
MICK
Well then he must be as nutty as his buddy. She was executed here over a hundred years ago. You should try looking up some time.
COLUM
What's that supposed to mean?
MICK
Over the gate lodge... Up on the wall... There's a plaque. Lucy Rose. I think the local historical society put it up. It gives you all the details, right down to her last words...
COLUM
"Ego mos exuro"??
MICK
That's it. Something about burning...
COLUM
He almost had me believing him.
MICK
Who?
COLUM
The Duke. The look on his face when he was telling that story. You'd swear it was nothing but the truth.
MICK
Come on. Let's go. That's why I like getting out to the site meetings. Too many hours in this place and you wouldn't be long cracking up.
(MICK and COLUM exit, leaving SHANAHAN alone. -- SHANAHAN shrugs, as though a little miffed by the fact he has been left out)
SHANAHAN
That's fine. I'll just stay here and finish this drawing. I wasn't that hungry anyway.
(SHANAHAN is focused intently on his drawing. Behind him the door opens, very slowly. LEO sticks his head in and whispers)
LEO
Are you alone?
SHANAHAN
I am.
(LEO enters. He lights a cigarette, then rolls up his Penthouse and tucks it away in a drawer)
LEO
I was unavoidably detained. What about the L.B.? Has he been back yet?
SHANAHAN
No. And here's something I've been meaning to ask. What does L.B. stand for? I'm assuming that 'B' stands for 'Boss'...
LEO
'B' stands for 'Bollocks' and 'L' stands for little. -- What about the Duke? Has he gone over to Flannagans for the ritual Shepherd's pie?
(SHANAHAN nods)
LEO
And Colum? Gone with him?
SHANAHAN
No. Mick turned up. The two of them went off together.
LEO
Good old Mick. Mick the homing pigeon is back. Very dependable, isn't he. I'm not sure if I trust a man who is that reliable.
SHANAHAN
He seems to think you'll be getting fired very soon.
LEO
Sure I should have been fired ages ago. I'm a waste of space. There's furniture around here more diligent than me. But sure if I did more work I'd only be doing more damage
(pause)
Can you keep a secret?
SHANAHAN
I suppose I can.
LEO
Well, I wasn't expecting anybody to be here when I came back up. I thought everybody would be gone to lunch, you know, so....
SHANAHAN
Yes??
LEO
I brought a visitor with me. A friend who wanted to see where I worked. She's out in the hall.
SHANAHAN
So why don't you bring her in?
LEO
Well, here's the thing...
(LEO has a long think while he considers the best way to introduce his friend to SHANAHAN)
LEO
It's like this. My friend... She's unusual.
SHANAHAN
In what way?
LEO
You may, or may not, be able to see her.
SHANAHAN
Oh, I see. She's your imaginary friend. Why didn't you say so?
LEO
Ah now, my imagination couldn't dream up the stuff she's been doing to me.
SHANAHAN
Bring her in and give us a look, or not, at her.
(LEO goes back to the door and sticks his head out)
LEO
Come on! It's all right.... No, it's fine. Come on in.
(LEO holds open the door and stands back. LUCY ROSE enters. She's a little nervous)
LEO
This is Shanahan... You know, I don't even know your full name.
SHANAHAN
Tony.
LEO
Tony, this is Lucy Rose.
(SHANAHAN chuckles, as if he has just been included in some fine joke)
SHANAHAN
Ah! Lucy Rose. I've heard all about you.
LEO
Is that a fact?
SHANAHAN
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lucy Rose.
(SHANAHAN is looking in the wrong place as he addresses her)
LUCY ROSE
He can't see me.
LEO
Of course he can see you. Isn't he talking to you?
(She shakes her head)
LEO
She says you can't see her.
SHANAHAN
I can.
LUCY ROSE
Then what am I wearing?
LEO
She wants you to tell her what she's wearing.
(SHANAHAN continues to look in the wrong place)
SHANAHAN
Black boots, brown woolen stockings, a black shawl....
LEO
Whoaa! Stop right there. Who are you describing? Mother Theresa?
SHANAHAN
Leo. To be honest I've had enough of your little joke. I've been working on this drawing all morning and I just want to finish it.
LEO
My little joke?
LUCY ROSE
He doesn't know I'm here.
SHANAHAN
No offence.
LEO
None taken.
SHANAHAN
Maybe you've been working here too long. -- it's starting to get to you.
LEO
He thinks I'm crazy.
SHANAHAN
I just want to finish this thing.
LEO
Well, don't let me stop you.
(SHANAHAN goes back to his drawing)
LEO
You don't mind if I carry on entertaining my guest?
(SHANAHAN ignores LEO. LUCY ROSE comes over to SHANAHA'NS desk, and stands quite close to him)
LUCY ROSE
He's good looking.
LEO
Only to women.
LUCY ROSE
And today is his first day?
LEO
It is.
LUCY ROSE
Were you like him in the beginning?
LEO
Young?
LUCY ROSE
Hard.
LEO
If it's hard you want, just give me five minutes.
LUCY ROSE
Unyielding.
LEO
That might take a bit longer.
(LUCY ROSE waves he hand in front of SHANAHAN'S eyes. He does not blink)
LEO
Why do you think it is that he doesn't see you?
LUCY ROSE
It's because he doesn't believe I'm here.
(She come back over to LEO'S desk)
LUCY ROSE
And this is where you do your work?
LEO
What little there is. I'm not much good with a pencil.
LUCY ROSE
No matter, there are other gifts in those hands of yours.
(She picks up one of LEO'S hands and kisses it. She looks around at this big old drawing office, with it's heating pipe running up through the middle of the floor. The folding tables. The sagging shelves weighted down with engineering tomes. And the windows)
LUCY ROSE
You have windows up here. You can look out and see the world.
LEO
We could, if we wanted, but we never do.
LUCY ROSE
If I worked up here I'd spend all my time looking out the windows.
(PAUSE)
I don't recognize much. The Cathedral. The river. - I see the gate lodge is still there, but the gallows is gone. I was the last. Did you know that?
LEO
They always save the best 'til last.
(SILENCE)
LEO
Why did you do it?
LUCY ROSE
Why did I marry him?
LEO
Why did you kill him?
LUCY ROSE
He deserved everything he got.
LEO
You felt no pity?
LUCY ROSE
Not a grain.
LEO
How can a woman be so hot and yet so cold?
LUCY ROSE
Maybe you'd like to warm me up.
LEO
Maybe I would.
(He puts his arms around her and draws her tight to him)
LEO
You still haven't told me why.
(LUCY ROSE thinks about the question and whether she should answer it. She pushes LEO away, to arms length)
LUCY ROSE
He made me work for him.
LEO
What sort of work?
LUCY ROSE
What sort of work does it look like I'm dressed for?
(And the penny drops for LEO)
LUCY ROSE
He called himself an artist, but he made his money on the streets. He carried a bag of charcoal and parchment and he drew portraits for pennies. That was his ploy. His game. The only people he ever approached were well heeled gentlemen. "You have a fine face, sir. Can I do your likeness". And sometimes the gent would stop. That's all it took. He'd scribble a few lines before he remarked, by the way, "I have a young lady in my studio. A fine figure of a young lady". And they would come.
One day I said no, no more, I'm finished with this thing. But when I came home that evening, to our room, I found he had covered the walls with his sketches: Every man I had ever been with. All those faces, all those eyes that had known me...
And he was seated there, on a chair, in the middle of the room, surrounded by his handiwork and he was smiling. Smiling. "We should move to a bigger room", he said, "we don't have enough wall-space for all you beaus". And then he laughed... and something was crushed inside me... Crushed. Crushed.
I was ferocious. All I could hear was the laughter, and then all I could see was the blood. I was blinded by it. It was like I had fallen down a well filled with thick red paint and nothing seemed to stop. Not the blood, nor the laughter. It kept coming and coming until I wasn't sure which of the two I was drowning in...
(SHANAHAN, without looking back at LEO or LUCY ROSE, starts laughing. It's low at first, but rapidly builds into a maniacal roar. LUCY ROSE covers her ears)
SHANAHAN
Did it sound something like that? The laughter? Or was it more like this...
(SHANAHAN laughs in an even more deranged fashion. He steps away from his drawing board and puts his hands on his hips. LEO looks confused. LUCY ROSE backs away to a corner)
LUCY ROSE
It's not him. No. No...
SHANAHAN
Isn't it amazing how the same story can be told in two different ways: I'm an artist. A student of perspective, so this sort of thing interests me. - Looking at it from a different point of view, MY point of view, I was simply exhibiting my art on the walls when this one bursts in in some sort of womanly fury. I didn't understand. I made some remark about how our quarters were too compact, harmless enough chat you would think, and the next thing I know there's a razor flashing through the fucking air and I am breathing blood!
LUCY ROSE
No.
SHANAHAN
No?
LUCY ROSE
It's not him.
LEO
I don't... What's going on?
SHANAHAN
I see, I see, I see. You don't believe I'm here, just like you thought I didn't believe you were there. You need some sign, some proof, some identifying mark. Is that what it is? Well, will this do?
(SHANAHAN pulls down the neck of his polo neck sweater and reveals a wide suppurating, bloody gash)
SHANAHAN
Hello?
(LEO backs away also. He still doesn't get it)
SHANAHAN
Remember this?
LEO
This doesn't make sense. You're a draughtsman. You started work here this morning and...
SHANAHAN
Where did you find this idiot? You see what happens when you go out pimping for yourself. You draw in the dregs. I would never have let you consort with... THIS!
LEO
You can't be...
(SHANAHAN advances on LEO, grabs him by the upper part of his shirt until LEO is almost choked)
SHANAHAN
I can't be what? Should I spell this out for you? You walk in here this morning and there is a strange man standing at a desk that is usually empty, but you don't ask any questions.
LEO
Everybody saw you. They spoke. We...
SHANAHAN
Think, idiot, think! Only you spoke to me. No one else, just you. They saw you talking to an empty desk. They saw you talking to yourself and they weren't surprised.
LUCY ROSE
Let go of him.
(SHANAHAN ignores her)
SHANAHAN
And then you went downstairs to your whore, except your whore is my whore and you know what that means, I suppose. You must know. A man like you. You've been with a strumpet before and you understand the transaction...
(LUCY ROSE tries to pull SHANAHAN off LEO, but SHANAHAN pushes her roughly aside and she slams against the wall.)
SHANAHAN
You pay for the pleasure!!
(LUCY ROSE reaches for her razor)
SHANAHAN
Fifteen shillings is the going rate.
(LEO tries to put his hand into his pocket)
LUCY ROSE
Don't give him anything!
(LEO produces his wallet)
LUCY ROSE
No!
SHANAHAN
See, she doesn't want you to pay. I think that means that she likes you. And if you do this thing, if you pay the fishmonger for the fish... she will be destroyed
(LUCY ROSE lunges at SHANAHAN with the razor, and even though he still holds LEO with his other hand, he easily takes it from her)
SHANAHAN
Aaaah! Slash me once, shame on you. Slash me twice, shame on me.
LUCY ROSE
Let him go.
(SHANAHAN does loosen his grip, then brings the razor up under LEO'S throat)
LEO
No!
LUCY ROSE
Please!
SHANAHAN
I told you to get out your money.
(LEO, trembling, takes out a pound note from his wallet. We can see how much this act crushes LUCY ROSE. - LEO tries to hand the money to SHANAHAN, but SHANAHAN waves it away)
SHANAHAN
(with mock shock)
A pound? Twenty shillings!! I don't have change. Would you accept an extra kiss or two and perhaps an additional rub of the relic?
LEO
Please take it
SHANAHAN
No, no, no, no! There's a certain order to things. You give the money to her, then later, she gives it to me.
(LUCY ROSE does not want to go along with this charade. She stands her ground with both fists clenched at her sides. SHANAHAN digs the blade into LEO'S throat and LEO whimpers. LUCY ROSE has no choice. She reaches out and takes the note from LEO. SHANAHAN indicates that she is to tuck it down the front of her blouse and she does so)
SHANAHAN
Good girl. Good girl. Wise decision. I'll go nosing for it later. But do you know something, I'm still not satisfied.
LUCY ROSE
You bastard...
SHANAHAN
You are my wife. Sacred vows, and other mumbo-jumbo, and yet you betrayed me. - I think I should cut this fucker anyway...
(SHANAHAN grabs LEO'S hair with his free hand and is about to slash. LUCY ROSE covers her eyes and LEO lets out an anguished wail. But the moment is completely interrupted by the sudden, almost deafening, clanging of the execution Bell. SHANAHAN is amused by the timing)
SHANAHAN
Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Saved by the bell, do you reckon?
(SHANAHAN lets go of LEO. LEO slumps to the floor. LUCY ROSE'S eyes have glazed over as she responds to the bell: She slowly puts one foot in front of the other and starts to walk towards the door. The bell continues to ring. She walks past LEO and does not regard him.)
LEO
Lucy Rose! I'm sorry. Please!
(She pauses, then exits. SHANAHAN folds the razor and puts it away. He stoops down in front of LEO)
SHANAHAN
You'll have to excuse me. This is a show that I never miss, even though it always ends the same way. She looks so noble and self composed when they put that little sack over her head. I almost feel proud. I do. I do. And when they pull those two boards apart and she drops... I feel a lump in my throat
(SHANAHAN taps the bloody scar on his throat)
SHANAHAN
Just about here.
(SHANAHAN pats LEO of the shoulder, then he too departs. After a little while LEO stands unsteadily, then sits on his stool. He is pale and nervous. Some time passes and the door opens again. The DUKE has returned from lunch. He's surprised by LEO'S appearance)
DUKE
What's up? Are you o.k.?
(LEO does not answer)
DUKE
Are you feeling sick? You don't look well.
(LEO does not respond. The DUKE goes to his desk. He looks back a couple of times at the distraught LEO, then something else catches his attention.)
DUKE
Jesus Christ!
(The DUKE goes to the drawing board where Shanahan was working. He studies the drawing, then turns it around so we all can see it: It's an incredibly detailed pencil sketch of LUCY ROSE hanging from a gallows. Scrawled underneath it are the words: "Ego mos exuro". The DUKE looks at the psychotic illustration and assumes it was produced by LEO. - And who is to say otherwise.)
END
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in media res
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Posted: Mon Jan 28th, 2008 03:25 am |
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I hate to tell you, but I loved this right up to the end. Eerie, wonderful, theatrical, scary. Even though my high school Latin can not translate 'Ego mos exuro." I must burn?????? I want to find out.
Is the Latin absolutely necessary for the play? The one character says "I never understood Latin." Why eliminate 99.99% of any modern audience?
Anyway, just terrific to me. Unusual, and other worldly. Mystical.
best,
in media res
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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Mon Jan 28th, 2008 07:01 am |
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thanks In Media
you're right, Latin is most likely nonsense (except prayer, which I seem to remember as correct). I meant to have it checked by a friend, an ex-seminarian, but never got around to it. the purpose in using it at all was to reflect a reality of 1970's Ireland: Most kids, myself included, had no choice but to take Latin and plenty of conversations would be peppered with words from this language. - but it's true, it creates a barrier without offering any enhancement.
best regards
mick
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in media res
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Posted: Mon Jan 28th, 2008 04:45 pm |
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By the way, it was late when I posted.
It was also very funny (I laughed out loud a several times) with terrific characters and workplace setting. These are the types of people who WOULD work there (and if not actually "work'!) they would at least be "employed" there!
in media res
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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Mon Jan 28th, 2008 11:29 pm |
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thanks again, In Media. glad you got a laugh out of it
they were all real people, well - maybe not the ghosts. The sex-obsessed Leo is still out there, now pushing sixty. The Duke is still a contract draughtsman. Colum runs his own business. Don't know what happened to Mick. And Shanahan... Well that would be me.
The steelworks is now a shopping centre, though they have preserved the condemned cells.
MS
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Swann1719
Member
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Posted: Thu Jan 31st, 2008 12:46 pm |
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| I thought this was so enticing and magic. Ghosts' ghosts . . . the whole thing is just perfect. I say keep the Latin. It gets explained enough in the text and it elevates the otherworldly feel. Congratulations on your Final Play.
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in media res
Member
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Posted: Thu Jan 31st, 2008 06:51 pm |
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I most definitely will be proud to stand corrected by swann.
Yes, keep the Latin for her very reason.
in media res
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in media res
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Posted: Thu Jan 31st, 2008 06:51 pm |
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I most definitely will be proud to have my eyes opened and stand corrected by swann.
Yes, keep the Latin for her very reason.
in media res
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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Fri Feb 1st, 2008 06:53 am |
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thanks Swann/in media res
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Paddy
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Posted: Sun Feb 3rd, 2008 03:43 pm |
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Oh how I loved loved loved this. All of it. All of them. It's all things. Funny....I laughed so hard at some things, my son kept asking me from the other room, what was so funny. Weirdly, I loved Leo. I knew the were real...I could almost taste them. It was clever and spooky and logical, as far as the world of ghosts go...if you know what I mean. I love the otherworldly things...but they too, have purpose, and stakes and reason. You gave that part of the story all these things.
You've created something wonderful here. What a lovely swan song.
I want to launch into a lot of reasons why you should keep writing. I want to know if you are happier now. I want to know where you will put the stories in your head now that you aren't spilling them to a page. I want to know what new obsession will occupy you. I want to know...well, a lot...and if I knew you better, I'd probably be kicking your ass about now. The thing about art, all art, that always fascinates me, is that its entire existence is dependent on the artist. The moment you choose to start a piece, the day the painter begins a canvas instead of going to the pub, or things that never are, because the artist had a long breakfast, or did the dishes instead.
So, post more things, and when I know you better, I will launch. This was just preamble. Smile.
Really fantastic wonderful play!!!
Paddy (Really my name, but I'm not a boy.)
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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Mon Feb 4th, 2008 11:46 pm |
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Paddy
Thanks for all the kind words and high praise. Was I happier after I quit? No, not happier, but certainly relieved. It's like that feeling you get when you realize you're flat broke: scary at first, then liberating, then scary again.
I'm sure everybody here has had moments when they felt the price they were paying was too high. You dedicate yourself to this thing of ours and it gives so little back in return. - I remember years ago reading how Graham Greene had forgotten all about his manuscript, The Tenth Man; how it lay dormant for thirty five years. I couldn't believe back then that work, especially great work, could be lost, forgotten, ignored. Now I see my own unperformed plays outnumbering those that made it to stage by a ratio of about seven to one. In any other line of work a fifteen percent success rate would be enough to get you fired. so that's what I've done. I've fired myself. Too bad I can't offer a decent severance package.
For the moment I'm going to trawl through some of that old work and archive it properly (this evening I found a one-act called 'Viva La Lucha' and it almost excited me enough to spark a re-write, but not quite!)
I may submit to some competitions, but I won't be producing anything new. -- A bit down the road I might try a novel or a movie. -- What the hell, prostitution trumps destitution.
Thanks again
Mick
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Paddy
Moderator
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Posted: Wed Feb 6th, 2008 05:38 pm |
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It's such a tough business, isn't it? Rapes your soul, and then again. I have learned I'm a good producer. I never had that on my list of things to do...but, that's what I'm doing, a lot of. It's a bit sad for me to know, and I'm pretty positive, that I'll have more sucess producing than I will playwriting.
Thing is...I can produce the way I'd love to be produced, and I do. I include playwrights in the production, linking them with directors, dialoguing, making sure they are kept up to date with reviews and when I send the cheque, I send goodies as well. Programs, posters...sometimes props we used.
So...Mick...if you have a short play that would work outdoors, or in a store, or on a fire escape or on a street corner...send it to me.
That goes for all of you. Deadline for submissions for Asphalt Jungle Shorts IV is Feb. 14.
submissions@flushink.net
Paddy
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Potabasil
Member
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Posted: Wed Feb 27th, 2008 04:40 pm |
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God mick I loved yer play. Had to read it over an hour cause the childer were all over the place, and I kept having to leave me computer, but I've just finished it and it's wonderful and keep the latin in
Regina cæli lætare, Alleluia:
Quia quem meruisti portare, Alleluia:
Resurrexit sicut dixit, Allelluia:
Ora pro nobis Deum, Alleluia
Above is how my play starts.
latin seems to be in thing, wern't we very lucky to be reared with the latin on a daily basis
Potabasil
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Mary Alice
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 01:59 am |
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Mick,
This play is wonderful. Thank you for posting it. Is there a way we can see, read or hear your other pieces?
Mary Alice
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in media res
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 02:55 pm |
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Confiteor
RE: my original comment about Latin.
At the time I posted, I forgot, until I read potabasil's remark, but I have used Latin in two of my plays.
Ora pro nobis.
in media res
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Mick Somatosis
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Posted: Sat Mar 1st, 2008 01:12 am |
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Thanks Potabasil and Mary Alice. Hello again In Media Res.
I should probably state, here and now, that even though I loved the sound of the tridentine mass I was the worst Latin student in the Christian Brothers, circa 1972.
I have attached a short play called Blood Coloured Moon, which I've already passed on to Paddy. Not sure about the uploading process, so you'll have to excuse me if I accidentally send photos of myself in Confirmation suit with giant carnation in buttonhole.
Mick
Attachment: blood colored moon.TXT (Downloaded 7 times)
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Potabasil
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