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THE PLAYWRIGHTS' FORUM : stageplays-forum.com > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > A portion of "Canaries Down A Mineshaft"
A portion of "Canaries Down A Mineshaft"
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Steamboat Chambers
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Joined: Tue Feb 19th, 2008
Location: York, Pennsylvania USA
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Mana: 
  Posted: Fri Feb 29th, 2008 05:56 pm
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Last edited on Fri Mar 14th, 2008 08:41 pm by Steamboat Chambers
Mary Alice
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Mana: 
  Posted: Thu Mar 6th, 2008 01:28 am
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S. C.

i t seems wordy in places and almost bogs, but still rekindles my interest.  How did you do that?  Maybe a tweaking? Not too much, tweaking.  Have you had a chance to hear it read?

Mary Alice
Steamboat Chambers
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Joined: Tue Feb 19th, 2008
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Mana: 
  Posted: Thu Mar 6th, 2008 03:03 pm
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Thanks for the suggestion. It is wordy at places. It's built around a number of anecdotes, and while I feel they are likely necessary, they do, as you suggested "bog." i haven't heard it read. In my area I don't have many outlets for that sorta thing. I've tried organizing a group of like-minded people for a reading group but it never materialized. So no readings.

Can you point to any specific instances where it seems to languor on, where the piece migth be better served by some good old fahioned pairing down?

Last edited on Thu Mar 6th, 2008 03:05 pm by Steamboat Chambers
Mary Alice
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  Posted: Thu Mar 6th, 2008 10:58 pm
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Yes, there is tone and character in the words, that is why it is so difficult to pare it  on the page.  If you don't have anyone who can read it to you, record it yourself, then give a listen.  Not as much fun as a reading party, but informational none the less.

Mary Alice

Last edited on Thu Mar 6th, 2008 11:00 pm by Mary Alice

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