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fady
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Posted: Sun Mar 16th, 2008 10:40 pm |
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I entered his play for a 10 minute competition. The competition theme is a coffee shop. This means that the play had to take place in a coffee shop which the stage is set up with 2 tables, chairs, exit door and a clock. Please feel free to comment or offer any advice to better my future plays. Thanks.
Cast:
ROBERT FREEMAN: Male
ROBERT DICE: Male
WILLIAM SHORT: Male
In a coffee shop called Central Coffee House, two baristas, ROBERT FREEMAN and ROBERT DICE are putting items in boxes and sealing them with duct tape for storage. A customer, WILLIAM SHORT enters.
Freeman Good morning.
Dice Good morning.
Short Just a coffee to go.
Freeman Welcome to Central Coffee House.
Dice I’m partner Bob.
Freeman I’m partner Rob.
Dice How can we-
An alarm sounds. DICE picks up a bucket of water and a cloth and goes to clean the tables.
Short I would li- (FREEMAN interrupts SHORT with a hand gesture.) I’m trying to order here!
Freeman (Whispering.) The alarm sounded.
Short (Loud.)And!
Freeman Shoo…he must concentrate.
Short He’s cleaning.
Freeman Of course he is, the alarm sounded.
Short But there’s no one here…it’s clean.
Freeman Exactly that’s because we clean every 5 minutes.
Short I’d like a coffee to go.
Freeman I can’t take your order sir.
Short Why not?
Freeman I’m supervising partner Bob.
Short Then I’ll tell him-
Freeman Wait!
Short Wait?
Freeman Till he’s finished.
Short This is silly!
Freeman It’s the rule.
Short The rule is silly.
Freeman That’s what I keep telling myself.
DICE returns.
Freeman Now, how can we help you?
Short Just a coffee to-
Freeman Partner Bob…the customer is ORDERING!
Dice Right.
DICE looks for a pen and a pad.
Short I’m in a hurry.
Freeman It won’t be long. (To DICE) The customer is WAITING!
Dice Found it.
Short Can I order now?
Freeman (To DICE.) We best check if they work.
Dice We wouldn’t the customer to repeat himself.
Freeman No, we don’t.
Dice No, we don’t.
Freeman Pen?
DICE starts to scribble on the pad.
Dice Works.
Freeman Paper?…Paper?…PA-
Dice Check.
Freeman Brilliant! Now pay attention. The customer has something to say.
Pause.
Freeman Well?
Short What?
Freeman Do you have something to say?
Short Yes.
Freeman Excellent! ….and…AND?
Short A coffee to-
Freeman (To DICE) A coffee.
Dice Cooof
Pause.
Freeman (To DICE) …2 F’s and 2 E’s
Dice Yes…right
Freeman (To SHORT) Now…yes… Sidamo, Kenya,
Dice Arabian, House,
Freeman Breakfast, Brazil-
Short Just a PLAIN coffee.
Pause.
Freeman Sidamo, Kenya
Dice Arabi-
Short Noooo… plain coffee.
Freeman Plain coffee.
Dice What did he say?
Freeman He said…pay attention partner Bob. Now he has to repeat himself.
Pause.
Freeman Well…WELL?
Pause.
Short A plain coffee.
Freeman A plain coffee.
Dice Plllaaain coof
DICE pauses.
Freeman For goodness sake…2 F’s and 2 E’s…
Dice Yes…right.
DICE finishes writing. Pause.
Freeman Well…get the customer his ORDER! (DICE turns and turns again.) Yes?
Dice What is plain coffee?
Freeman What is plain coffee! For god sake it’s…it’s…I don’t know.
Dice Should we ask?
Freeman I don’t see what harm it could do. (Clears his throat)….What is plain
coffee?
Short It’s plain.
Freeman Plain, right… (FREEMAN turns and turns again)…is it smoky, woody,
Dice Earthy, tang-
Short No, it’s-
Freeman Wait! Partner Bob… PEN AND PAPER… (BOB gets the pen and paper) Are you ready? … (To SHORT) Now you were saying.
Short It’s plain, just…I…I don’t know. Just-
Freeman Stop…Did you write that down?
Dice Yes.
Freeman Repeat it.
Dice It’s plain, just…I…I don’t know. Just.
Freeman Hmmm….that’s not much of an answer.
Dice I don’t think he knows.
Short Look can I just…just...forget it, (SHORT starts to walk away) I’ll go
somewhere else.
Freeman Partner Bob!
DICE goes to block the door.
Short What’s going-
Freeman We can’t let you leave Mr. Brown.
Dice No, we can’t.
Short Why not?
Freeman What will management say.
Dice You let him loose.
Freeman You let him get away.
Dice To another company.
Freeman To our rivals.
Dice Without knowing…
Freeman What plain coffee is.
Short What?
Freeman Imagine if everyone was to order plain coffee.
Dice What will we do?
Short I don’t know wha-
Freeman We must know Mr. Brown or…
Dice We wouldn’t have any customers left.
Freeman While they become rich…
Dice Central Coffee House…
Freeman Will be closed.
Dice Bankrupt.
Freeman Finished.
Short This is-
Freeman Not what management wants.
Dice No, they don’t.
Freeman We don’t want that, do we Mr. Brown?
Short (Angry.) What the fu…(SHORT turns to DICE.) If you don’t-
DICE punches SHORT on the stomach. He falls. DICE picks him up and locks him so he
can’t move and so he is looking at FREEMAN.
Freeman Calm down Mr. Brown.
Dice No one wants to hurt you.
Freeman We just want to know what plain coffee is.
Short I…I tol…who’s Mr. Brown?
Freeman No more games.
Dice I think he likes it.
Short Mister…what…I’m not…you got it wrong. My name is…it’s William Short.
Freeman William…
Dice Don’t trust him!
Freeman …Short.
Dice He’s lying!
Short I’m telling you-
Dice He’s lying!
Freeman Do you have ID?
Dice Proof…
Freeman You’re not lying?
Short Why would-
Dice Be careful!
Freeman Well?
Short In my pocket…check my wallet please.
FREEMAN checks his pockets, finds a wallet and takes out an ID from it.
Freeman William Short.
Short Yes…I’m William Short.
Dice It’s a fake!
Freeman (Suspiciously.) It’s looks…
Short It’s real! That’s…I’m William Sho-
Freeman That won’t do Mr. Brown.
Dice It’s not acceptable.
Freeman It’s not gentlemen like.
Short I don’t know what-
Freeman We just want to know …
Dice What plain coffee is.
Short I don’t know. I don’t know.
Dice He doesn’t know.
Freeman You… don’t …know…partner Bob perhaps you have better luck asking?
Dice What’s the point!
Freeman What is the point Mr. Brown?
Short Look I’ll give you-
Dice Maybe we should punch him.
Freeman Again.
Dice Kick him.
Freeman Bite him.
Dice Waterboarding -.
Short (To DICE) No wait…I know, I know.
Freeman What did he say?
Dice I know, I know.
Freeman Do you know Mr. Brown?
Short Yes.
Dice He’s lying.
Short I swear-
Dice Cut his tongue.
FREEMAN gets the pad.
Short I swear on my mother’s grave I know. If you just-
Freeman It says here you don’t know….Why are you lying to us Mr. Brown?
Short I’m not ly-
Freeman Don’t you want to help the company?
Short I…I…do
Dice He’s lying.
Freeman He’s stuttering.
Dice He’s lying.
Short I do, I do
Freeman That will do, Mr. Brown
FREEMAN moves closer to SHORT.
Short No wait plea…
The alarm goes off. Everyone is still. Pause.
Short Aren’t you… Aren’t you going to clean the tables?
Dice It can wait.
Short What… what will management think?
Freeman They will understand.
Dice We are after all saving the company.
Short But the rul-
FREEMAN hits SHORT on the stomach.
Freeman Seat him there.
DICE seats him on a chair. And FREEMAN takes the duct tape and a bucket of water.FREEMAN starts to bind SHORT.
Freeman (To DICE.) Keep him … (FREEMAN slaps SHORT on the face) (To SHORT)…keep still you traitor.
FREEMAN finishes binding him. FREEMAN gestures for DICE to push the chair back so that SHORT is on the floor facing the ceiling.
Short Oh god please…no…I’ll tell you everything you want….please don’t-
Freeman Yes you will Mr. Brown …
Dice I promise you, you will. (FREEMAN goes to cover SHORT’S mouth with tape.)…Wait!
Freeman What?
Dice Is this against the company’s ethics?
Freeman What?
Dice Torture.
Short Yes, yes it is.
Freeman Will you … (FREEMAN slaps SHORT)…Don’t you see.
Dice What?
Freeman We’re not thugs.
Dice No?
Freeman No, we’re heroes.
Dice Heroes?
Freeman Yes by saving the company we’re saving jobs.
Dice You’re right.
Freeman And by saving jobs, we will be…
Dice Keeping the family together.
Freeman Helping the economy.
Dice Helping the world.
Freeman Precisely.
Dice Manager Rob may I?
DICE gestures for the duct tape and FREEMAN gives it to him
Freeman My pleasure manager Bob.
Short No please… you... bloody robots you can go and fu…
Dice There!
DICE gets the bucket and is about to pour.
Freeman What did he say?
Dice What?
Freeman A second ago?
Dice Not sure.
Freeman He said Roberts.
Dice That’s me!
Freeman That’s also me!
Dice How could he know our names?
Freeman I don’t know.
Dice Could he be a spy?
Freeman From the government?
Dice From your rivals?
Freeman From our…
Freeman and Dice (Together.) Company?
Freeman The plain coffee was a front.
Dice It was?
Freeman Our company wanted to know if we can convince Mr. Brown-
Dice Mr. Short.
Freeman To buy one of our coffees.
Dice (To SHORT.) You really had us fooled.
Freeman Give me a hand. (They put SHORT up right. FREEMAN pours a cup of coffee and returns to the rest.) Partner Bob, Mr. Short wants to try some of OUR COFFEE!
Dice Yes…of course.
DICE pulls the tape from SHORT’S mouth. FREEMAN goes to feed drink SHORT.
Freeman This is Kenya (FREEMAN feeds him the coffee and SHORT coughs it out.) It’s fruity.
Dice Sweet.
Freeman Fruity.
SHORT is still coughing.
Dice I don’t think he like it.
FREEMAN goes back to pour a different type of coffee and feeds SHORT.
Freeman This is Sumatra. (FREEMAN feeds him the coffee and SHORT coughs it out.) It’s smooth.
Dice Exotic.
Freeman Smooth.
SHORT is still coughing.
Dice I don’t think he likes it.
FREEMAN goes to get a different cup of coffee.
Short I…I…like it. I like it.
Freeman He likes it!
Dice He likes it!
Freeman Manager Bob unbind Mr. Short. (SHORT is unbound.) I hope you’ll tell management your wonderful experience in Central Coffee House?
Short I…will.
SHORT walks off and out the store.
Dice Did you hear that, he’s going to tell management how wonderful we are.
Freeman Excellent job manager Bob.
Dice Should we continue with the boxes?
Freeman The alarm will sound any second.
Dice I can clean the tables later.
Freeman Rules are rules.
Dice Then we’ll wait.
Freeman We’ll wait.
Last edited on Mon Mar 17th, 2008 12:15 am by fady
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Paddy
Moderator
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Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 02:09 pm |
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I thought this was really fun. Excellent wacky characters. The situation you've set up here is really food. Lots of weird tension. Really great.
There's a wonderful moment. A pause. Just beautiful. I thought it was so beautiful, that this line took away from it somehow, and you could do with leaving it out.
Short Aren’t you… Aren’t you going to clean the tables?
A niggly thing...usually you punch someone 'in' the stomach.
The only place I'd look at is tightening a bit after they tie him up.
Really well done!
Paddy
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fady
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 24th, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Mar 20th, 2008 10:40 am |
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I really enjoyed writing this play. I actually did not know where it was heading at the beginning. Thanks Paddy for your advice.
Last edited on Thu Mar 20th, 2008 10:46 am by fady
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