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Martin H
Member
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Posted: Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 03:55 pm |
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I FORESEE TROUBLE
Act I
What's My Name?
(Spot up on a chair, night table with phone showing a row of buttons, the first of which is blinking red. A woman enters, removing
black leather coat and tossing it over chair. She's wearing an orange-red blouse with a few puffs and frills, tight white jeans.
Snatches up phone, presses button)
MESSAGE MACHINE (APOLLO)
(Sings)
Jennifer Juniper, hair of golden flax
Jennifer Juniper, longs for what she lacks
Bapa da dum dap da da der
Do you love her? Yes I do, sir
What'cha doin' Jennifer my love?
Jennifer Junipe---r
Jennifer Junipe---r
(speaks)
Later, baby.
JENNIFER(laughing)
You idiot Apollo! Well at least you called on our private line.
(Rewinds and starts to play it again. At 'ba pada' spotlight comes up on a man about Jennifer's age dialling number. Her phone rings.
Second button in the row. She presses it and answers.)
JENNIFER
Thank you for calling Cassandra's Psychic Hot Line, what part of your future may I help you by foretelling?
(Man speaks into phone.)
APOLLO
Why am I calling?
JENNIFER
Sir, we have a direct line to the police for instant trace of harrassing calls--oh!
APOLLO
Seriously--what's my problem if you're a real psychic? What's my name, what do I do for a living?
JENNIFER
You're a pain in the ass, if you could do that professionally you'd be the company CEO. Your name's Apollo di Angelis, you play music, for money on very rare occasions--I wouldn't call it a living. The one smart move you ever made was who you married, stupid on my part though. You moron! don't you realize every one of these calls is strictly monitored?
(Ring. Spot up on woman, mid-thirties, with phone.)
I got to put you on hold, paying customer.
(Pushes button. Ring. The new caller taps phone anxiously with elongated fingernails.)
I don't believe I just put him on hold when it's costing us every minute
(Ring. Tap tap tap.)
and this month's rent isn't even assembled yet.
(Jennifer suddenly notices phone again. Picks it up after a half ring, pressing third button.)
Thank you for calling Cassandra's Psychic Hot Line, what's your problem and what may I help you by foreseeing so you can step out of its onrushing way?
(Hand over mouthpiece, speaks, as caller begins, subvocally)
It's off script, but I'm one of their best girls so they allow me to improvise. You pretty much have to wing it anyway, getting people to spill out their agonies and personal issues as the minutes tick by and your paycheque keeps getting larger. (Slaps forehead.) Frank! still on the line, no time to deal with him now.
(Turns her attention at last to
CAROLINE
. . . and if he's capable of a thing like that when the ink's not even dry on our engagement--or, that would be the marriage license wouldn't it? I don't know if they even have to dry the ink on those anymore I bet they mostly just xerox 'em off and you hardly ever see a fountain pen anymore, mostly just ballpoints I never really got used to the flow of those even though fountain pens were already making themselves scarce when I was a little girl--doesn't even seem that long ago, only about twenty years--gramma always used to buy me a new one every birthday, I still have 'em all in a case and use 'em sometimes for letters though it's a lost art, emails mostly these days isn't it?
(Her voice becomes subvocal once again as Jennifer covers the mouthpiece.)
JENNIFER
Mother lode! Have I got a talker!? Have to get Apollo off or the minutes he's clocking'll eat up all the profits.
(Stabs at, but misses, the lit button representing Frank's line.)
Apollo! you got to get off the line, they're charging you by the minute. I got a blabbermouth here! we'll celebrate with champagne.
CAROLINE
Excuse me? My name's not Apollo. Are you sure you really have psychic powers? I hate blabbermouths there are these two girls at the office? love 'em to death as people but they go on and on! if you once let them get started, in your own personal workspace when you're right in the middle of data entry
JENNIFER
(Rubs comb along tissue she's put over mouthpiece.)
What's that? what's that operator I'm getting static on this line
(Slowly easing up on the comb over)
No, no it's better now it's. . . yes it's clear, thank you operator.
CAROLINE
I didn't hear any operator.
JENNIFER
I don't know what gets into this equipment sometimes. I don't know who this woman was or how her conversation broke in on ours, but I foresee nothing but trouble in the future for her with this Apollo person.
CAROLINE
Then you are a psychic! I was beginning to wonder. It must be a wonderful gift, foreseeing trouble especially far enough in advance to step out of the way. I never can! What kind of trouble do you foresee for her if I may ask? Will this Apollo person get any of it too sounds as if he deserves it? What am I saying of course I may not ask! you can't tell what you learn by reading in the secrecy of someone's brains, it's confidential am I right? Like a doctor or psychiatrist, lawyer/client privilege or interrogator/prisoner that sort of thing? And to think I was even doubting you! I hope you can forgive me I have a suspicious nature I guess not that it's ever done me much good. . . what's the greatest good you've ever personally accomplished with your into-brain-seeing into-future-seeing powers? that you could tell me surely?
JENNIFER
Well . . . I've had callers who could see so little future they wanted to end it all . . . I was able to promise them if they just had patience things would turn out all right in spite of . . . (covers mouthpiece) it's lucky I'm one anonymous cog in the machine or I bet someone I misled that way would sue me. . . hunt me down even, you never know in today's modern world.
CAROLINE
I wouldn't want to end it all, then it would all be over and who really knows what comes next? not me that's for sure, do you know with your psychic powers? Do you have some sort of x-ray vision into the afterlife I bet that would take the mystery out of
(Jennifer pushes the 'hold' button for Caroline's line and as always when not overheard, she continues to chatter away subvocally)
JENNIFER
She won't even notice i put her on hold 'til I get back Apollo!
(Stabs button for Apollo's line.)
If he has any sense he's hung up.
APOLLO
That you baby?
JENNIFER
I was right. Listen you, I've got a woman on the line's going to take care of this month's rent and maybe next month's too, she just keeps on and on, won't shut up, I don't even have to speak in fact it's all I can do odd moments to get a word in--(slaps forehead) now she's got me doing it! But the point is sweetie, as long as you're on the phone, even if you're on hold we owe by the minute.
APOLLO
So you want me to be a love and shove?
JENNIFER
That's not the way I would have put it. . .
APOLLO
I got a gig anyway.
JENNIFER
Paying?
APOLLO
Beer.
JENNIFER
Fabulous! Doesn't anybody anywhere pay money for live music anymore?
APOLLO
You pay your dues, you take the gigs and maybejustmaybe--fame and fortune follows, or at least steady walkin' around money.
JENNIFER
(tenderly, slight husk to her voice)
Stupid. Don't come home plastered ok? Try and get some real money next time you take out that horn.
APOLLO
Paying gig next week, maybe even two.
JENNIFER
Bonanza!
APOLLO
Later, baby.
(Spot out, loud dial tone as he hangs up. Jennifer punches the button again to access)
CAROLINE
anyway. Maurizio insists there's an innocent explanation for all the phone sex charges on my credit card, well I should think so! I'm hardly the type to have phone sex or sex of any kind with a woman, I haven't anything against it if those are the cards God dealt you but. He's right when he says credit card companies sometimes screw up, but a lesbian with the same name as me and almost identical digits in her credit card number seems too far fetched even for a Hollywood movie. On the other hand when could he have gotten my credit card number except when I went to the washroom after I put it in the tray to pay for dinner? But what kind of man would do that? and I don't even want to talk about the porn images sprouting up in unexpected places in my files when I open my computer--oh no! I'm seeing those pictures in my mind and if you're reading my mind . . . you must be completely disgusted.
JENNIFER
No. . . I'm not getting pictures but I am getting letters. . .
CAROLINE
What letters?
JENNIFER
They seem to spell out a name, the name of a man you've been intimate with
CAROLINE
Yes? yes?
JENNIFER
'M', I see an 'M'.
CAROLINE
Yes! yes!
JENNIFER
'a' is that right? yes! definitely 'a'.
CAROLINE
Definitely 'a'.
JENNIFER
I'm not sure if the next le--tter is a 'u' or a 'v'.
CAROLINE
'u'! 'u'!
JENNIFER
'u'. I'm definitely getting a 'u'. . . 'r'? yes I think 'r'.
CAROLINE
'i'?
JENNIFER
'iiiiiiiiii' zee! Does the name Maurizio mean anything to you? That's the name that seems to be directed out of the event ethers into my mind. An ether of life events surrounds each of us as you know.
CAROLINE
I know! I know! (Covers mouthpiece.) Well I hate to admit that I don't anyway I do now! An ether of life event surrounds each of us as you know . Tell the girls at work. Love 'em to death.
JENNIFER(covers mouthpiece)
She hasn't hung up? Did I overplay that last bit? Are you still with me Ms. . . ?
CAROLINE
Caroline of course! you have no idea how. . . precious and life-changing this all is for me. I feel I can talk to you like a sister my own sister though? never knew what I was thinking
(Phone rings, none of the call buttons lights on Jennifer's phone as a spotlight comes up on a man in his mid-to-late forties holding an ornate antique phone in his hand. He is impeccably dressed in tailored suit, silk tie. His nervousness mounts as the phone keeps ringing.)
always said she did and it would drive me nuts but did she ever really? no, not much. I could talk to my mother, I mean love her to death but she was a blabbermouth only at least some of her advice was sensible. . . if I'd ever followed it and now she's passed on.
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