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LadyBug
Member
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Posted: Wed Apr 16th, 2008 11:54 am |
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I just finished this script and it just isn't sitting well with me. I may just be too close to the materal. The story is about a chronically ill teenager.
(Edit 041708: This used to be a link to the play but I've taken it down so that I can start submitting it. If you'd like to read the play, pop me a message and I will forward you a copy.)
If you have specific critique, I welcome you to be as brutally honest as you can.
Last edited on Thu Apr 17th, 2008 10:29 am by LadyBug
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dresdenkiss
Member
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Posted: Wed Apr 16th, 2008 05:37 pm |
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I read it and really enjoyed what's there. I kinda like the idea of Leah creating a perfect guy, but not even one for herself. She gives him to someone else. It's interesting.
My only real complaint is the ending. It doesn't seem like anything has resolved, not necessarily with the story itself, but with the play (if that makes sense). It just doesn't feel like it's over (maybe it isn't?). Of course when the transition near the end is written, that might help (the part where it says ADD MORE TRANSITION meaning).
But I read the whole thing - which says a lot, as I'm easily distracted.
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LadyBug
Member
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Posted: Wed Apr 16th, 2008 06:06 pm |
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dresdenkiss,
That's so funny. I completely forgot to remove my editing note to "ADD MORE TRANSITION".
Thanks SO MUCH for your review. It's interesting to say that it kept your attention becasue I was kinda worried that the play was too slow. I usually pace things a bit faster in my scripts.
I'm still mulling over the ending. The idea is that she confronts the idylic family she's imagined and discards it. The core of how this thing ends it there, it's just a matter of refining it.
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LadyBug
Member
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Posted: Wed Apr 16th, 2008 07:14 pm |
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I think I fixed the ending.
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dresdenkiss
Member
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Posted: Thu Apr 17th, 2008 04:17 am |
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The ending definitely works now. And so does the transition that was added before. Sorry I can't give more detailed critiquing, but I don't know much about that, just what I enjoy :-).
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in media res
Member
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Posted: Sat Apr 19th, 2008 03:34 pm |
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LadyBug,
I read about half of it the other day and liked what I read. I like how it starts. The mother/daughter relationship. I think it is an imaginative use of the other characters and how they wonderfully they are used. I love the visuals I see when I am reading it.
Up until the point when I had to stop, I had a couple of minor quibbles where you had one character ask a question and got a direct answer from the other, which is a waste of even brief time on the stage. You can find another way to get a better result. I'll be more specific for you when I finish reading it.
When I get more time, I will finish reading it. It is very encouraging to see your writing.
Thanks for posting.
best,
in media res
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