(After about a five minute break, Elizabeth, Doc, Maybell and Billy Bob go on stage with nervous anticipation, engage he audience in topical matters till all winds down. Bring up topical items that will lead the audience to tell you about the future. Then continue with the play.)
LIGHTS UP--
(Elizabeth, Doc, Maybell and Billy Bob go on stage with nervous anticipation, engage he audience in topical matters till all winds down. Then continue with the play.)
Topics for improvisation:
-Who wins the War Between the States?
-What breed of horses are best in the future?
-Fine Dining (in Savannah) - the portions are so small you have to fine them. The smaller the portions, the more expensive the meal.
-Ghosts, ghost tours, maybe the Colonel’s spirit will haunt this house, let’s tell Isaac, there may be money to be made here.
-Oh no, if people start vacating to Savannah, they may find out about St. Pat’s parade then it could really get crowded.
-Ask the crowd about what they have seen while in Savannah, such as food, the squares, Tybee, River Street, Tours of the city, the architecture of the buildings, etc.
-Does everybody vacate in the future. Where do they vacate to? Why?
- Acknowledge the environment, candles in the glass bulbs, note the cold air blowing out of a vent.
-The odd clothes the audience is wearing.
-What’s a sell fone? Is that like a telegraph wire?
-Remark how everyone in the future has such beautifully white teeth. Are they fake?
-This list will grow over time and will be posted back stage.
-(Billy Bob will start the play on track with his flog question.)
BILLY BOB
(To the audience.)
So, can anybody tell me? Did “Flog” ever catch on?
DOC
Golf! He meant golf. Do you play “golf” in the future?
ELIZABETH
(Interrupts. To the audience. Perturbed.)
I was wondering. Could somebody tell me, how often do ya’ll sit a somebody’s house and watch them live their life.
BILLY BOB
(Interrupts. To the cast.)
Do you reckon there’s any money to be made off of people that want to sit in their house and watch other people live their lives?
DOC
That’s ridiculous! Absolutely not.
MAYBELL
I think dat . . . . I dunno what I think?
(Captain enters from the front door.)
CAPTAIN
Has anyone seen Isaac?
(Isaac enters front door.)
CAPTAIN
(Down Stage, facing the audience.)
Now, First of all, I’d like to thank these kind people . . .
ELIZABETH
(As if she had “Turrets Syndrome.“ Acting like she means to speak under her breath, speaking quickly, but is very loud about it. And in a deep toned voice.)
Peeping Toms!
(Looks around, as if, to see who said that.)
CAPTAIN
. . . for stepping forward in aiding us to bring this . . . . this nasty affair to a conclusion.
ELIZABETH
Benedict Arnolds!
(Captain looks back at each person.)
DOC
(Ineptly, trying to cover for Elizabeth.)
Ah, Ba, B Blessed be St. Benedict!
CAPTAIN
(Facing the audience. He is trying to be patient. His aggravation shows momentarily on his face.)
Now, our witnesses . . . .
ELIZABETH
Know it alls!
CAPTAIN
. . . have brought up some concerns that need to be verified. Elizabeth! Do you have something to say?
ELIZABETH
(Blushes. Waves her hand for the Captain to continue.)
Well, heaven’s no. Not little ol’ me.
CAPTAIN
Very well . . . .Now it seems . . .
ELIZABETH
Backstabbers!
CAPTAIN
Elizabeth!
(Turns to Elizabeth. She has nothing to say. He turns back to the audience.)
ELIZABETH
Rail roaders!
CAPTAIN
(Facing the audience, looking over his shoulder towards Elizabeth.)
Please! Now! Please, May I continue?
ELIZABETH
Yes sir! . . . . Far be it for me . . . . to interrupt . . . .The inquisition. . . . . Witch hunt!
CAPTAIN
Now, Elizabeth that’s not fair!
ELIZABETH
(Admonishingly, then sobs.)
Well, I’m sorry! . . . . I’m sorry . . . . I don’t want to see someone I love . . . . .
CAPTAIN
What? . . . . . . “see someone you love . . .” What?
ELIZABETH
I ah . . . I did . . .
ISAAC
I kilt the Colonel!
(Elizabeth wails.)
MAYBELL
Isaac!
BILLY BOB
Thank you Isaac, but I caint let you take the blame for what I did. Cap, I kilt the Colonel.
(Elizabeth wails.)
MAYBELL
Billy Bob! Now you two stop this nonsense! Captain Thomas, theses boys is good boys! You know they didn’t kill the Colonel!
(Captains nods.)
I kilt the Colonel.
(Elizabeth wails.)
DOC
This has all gotten way out a hand! Have you people lost your senses?! Thomas! Stop this madness! Listen, this has gone entirely to far. I . . ah . . . I regret that I did not come forward earlier. I killed the Colonel.
(Elizabeth wails.)
CAPTAIN
(To the audience.)
Excuse us for one second. Are you people out of your minds?!
(Winces from rib pain. Isaac goes to the window.)
What is going on here? I’m sorry, but not everyone is aloud to confess to killing the Colonel!
(Elizabeth wails.)
Now, . . . . Who here did not kill the Colonel?
(Everyone looks at Elizabeth, she does not wail.)
Elizabeth, do you want to confess too?
ELIZABETH
(She sobs into a handkerchief, blow her nose loudly, almost speaks, sobs some more, gathers her strength, shake her head no.)
Yesssssss, I dooooo!
(Elizabeth wails.)
CAPTAIN
Ohhhhhh, for Pete’s sake!
(Turns to the audience.)
This may take a minute, . . . Or two . . . Or . . . We’ll get back to you.
(To Elizabeth.)
What is going on here?! You people know this won’t work. There is only one killer. At this rate you all will hang. Now, I ask you, does that make sense to you?
(All shrug or nod half heartedly, yes.)
Do you all realize we ended up at the same place we were, just a half an hour ago! When no one wanted to confess! Listen.
(Winces from rib pain.)
We’re gonna press on ward.
(Back to the audience.)
Look here, we need to do this quickly. Time is running out.
(To the cast.)
Now, I have conflicting reports about “spiking” the Colonel’s drink.
(To the audience.)
Who spiked the Colonel’s drink?
(Let the audience report. When done pose questions to the cast. The cast will be are evasive, non co-operative, but they do not completely deny the accusations.)
Now, I’ll ask you one by one to respond to these accusations. The question is, “did you spike the goblet that was to be served to the Colonel? Isaac?
(Shakes his head no. If an audience member speaks up, ask if anyone else saw this too. This will be repeated with all cast members who will not verbally respond.)
Billy Bob?. . .Maybell? . . .Doc? . . . . Elizabeth? . . . . . So what happened to the goblet?
(Coughs and then winces from rib pain.)
MAYBELL
How’s your ribs, Massa Thomas?
CAPTAIN
I’ll manage, thank you. What happened to the contents of the goblet?
(Regardless of the audience response, Isaac will fess up.)
ISAAC
I poured it out.
BILLY BOB
How did you manage to hurt your ribs Cap‘n?
CAPTAIN
Well . . . . You see . . . . .
(This is where the audience member should speak out about how Captain really got hurt.)
ISAAC
Dem Yankees is down the street.
CAPTAIN
(Whether or not the audience speaks out the Captain will lie half heartedly.)
We had rough seas, . . . on the ship, on our way from Washington. I had lost my footing going up some stairs. I guess I hit the stairs pretty hard.
AUDIENCE
But you told us blah blah . . . .
BILLY BOB
(Whether or not the audience speaks out Billy Bob will interject.)
It seems odd that you would be hurting sooo bad from such a short fall?
CAPTAIN
(Fidgeting.)
Well, . . . yes . . . it . . . It does seem odd.
DOC
Thomas, you never did have a very good poker face.
(Captain sheepishly shrugs. Doc, patiently waits for the Captain to explain.)
CAPTAIN
(Pointing up to the balcony.)
I fell from the balcony.
DOC
Thomas? Is this so? Did you fall from your father’s balcony? Did you see your father early this morning?
MAYBELL
Tell ’em Massa Thomas, tell ’em day is all wrong!
BILLY BOB
Cap?
CAPTAIN
I wanted to surprise yall. I was very excited to see yall. I was across the street, when I saw Isaac go around to the back of the house early this morning, I hollered but he did not hear me. The Colonel heard me, he went out on the balcony. He didn’t speak. I had so much . . . to say to him. I went to the fence below his balcony, but he ignored me. I climbed the trellis. When I got to the balcony, he met me face to face, . . . eye to eye. . . . I was speechless. “The Yankee prodigal son returns” he said with sarcasm in his tone. I was overwhelmed with . . (Choking up.)
I tried to speak, but the words would not come.
(Obviously shaken.)
“I have no son” he said as he slapped me, knocking me from the trellis. It was so surreal, there I was falling in slow motion, confident that I was to be impaled on that cur-sed wrought iron fence, thinking to myself, how did I end up here,?
(Laughing.)
My life is over and my role on earth went unnoticed, and I, an inconsequential man would be, no more. Huh. Next thing I recall, Isaac, was helping me into the house.
ISAAC
(Looking out the window.)
Ah, Captain, . . .them . . . them Yanks is comin down the street.
MAYBELL
Sweet Jesus, help us!
ELIZABETH
I can not let anybody take the blame for. . . .
CAPTAIN
I am sorry I did not come forward earlier . . .but . . . I killed the Colonel.
(All in shock.)
MAYBELL
Massa Thomas! Bite yur tongue! I was da one. I kilt the Colonel.
ALL
(Everyone claims fervently that they killed the Colonel, simultaneously.)
DOC
This will not work! Once again we are at an impasse!
CAPTAIN
(Impressed.)
What a motley crew are we?
BILLY BOB
Be as it may, we must make a decision. Now.
MAYBELL
We all wanted him dead. I know it is wrong but I’m glad he’s gone!
ISAAC
Ask your witnesses.
DOC
(Sarcastically.)
Yes, let them draw straws for our fate.
CAPTAIN
Our dear guests, our time has come. The Grim Reaper is upon us and he must take one of us to spare rest, . . .. those we love. It is your fateful duty to cast sentence up us. By a show of hands you will cast your vote towards the person responsible for the Colonels death. Please, only vote once.
ISAAC
Cap’n, they will be here directly.
DOC
Let’s line up here together.
CAPTAIN
Those of the opinion that Isaac is the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
Those of the opinion that Billy Bob is the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
Those of the opinion that Doc is the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
Those of the opinion that Elizabeth is the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
CAPTAIN continues
Those of the opinion that Maybell is the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
Those of the opinion that I, Thomas, am the murderer, raise your hand.
(Counts hands.)
Now, all those that did not vote please raise your hand.
(Counts hands. Cast members are shocked that some condemn them all.)
(Knock at the door Isaac goes out. Captain goes out. Doc saunters out. Billy Bob scurries out. Maybell and Elizabeth realize they are alone, they hurry out.)
MAYBELL
(Off stage.)
Miss Elizabeth!
(Doc enters and directs Billy Bob and Isaac carrying Elizabeth to the sofa. Captain helps Maybell to the Lounge Chair.)
CAPTAIN
Where did the letter come from?
(No answer.)
ELIZABETH
It’s a miracle!
MAYBELL
You know sumpin? I think dis is da nicest thing da Colonel has ever done.
(Hugs Captains neck.)
DOC
Who’d a thunk it!
CAPTAIN
(To the audience.)
It seems that the ah, . . . the Colonel wrote a suicide letter.
MAYBELL
Imagine that, a suicide letter! Yes, sir. Thad’s da nicest thing he ever has done!
CAPTAIN
And some how it miraculously appeared, along with the Colonel’s journal, in the possession of the Union doctors looking into the suspicious death of the Colonel.
DOC
Imagine that!
CAPTAIN
Hand writing comparisons confirms the letter to be genuine.
BILLY BOB
Yes, sir. I have worked for the Colonel for years. I am confident, with out a doubt, that that there letter came from the Colonel’s own hand his self!
(Winks at Isaac.)
CAPTAIN
(Overwhelmed, choked up.)
Yes, . . . Well, we would like to thank you, our guests, for your assistance.
(Crisp salute to the audience.)
Thank you spending your time with us here, in Savannah, and may God go with you.
