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in media res
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Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2008 02:53 pm |
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THE WINTER VIEW
A nursing home rests on the corner.
From my porch window when the view is clear
Through the grey spiral twists of trees
In winter
Ambulances arrive everyday,
With - or without - sirens,
Hauling out - or in - their white-sheeted
Bundles strapped to gurneys
With - or without - green oxygen tanks
With - or without - speed.
Kitty-Corner is a Bus Stop.
Little children play, swinging sticks
And bookpacks and each other,
Twirling like helicopters until
The yellow Bus arrives
Lights blinking, red guard-arm outstretched.
STOP!
I sip morning decaff, read the paper,
Gazing at summer leaves,
On our Norway maple.Last edited on Tue Jan 29th, 2008 02:55 pm by in media res
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Basso
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| Joined: | Fri Feb 29th, 2008 |
| Location: | Canada |
| Posts: | 107 |
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Posted: Thu Mar 6th, 2008 09:09 pm |
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I really enjoy the imagery in many of your poems. I think you hit upon something neat in each of the poems I've read, you have your moment. I love writing poetry because it is a wonderful challenge to convey that "moment" of feeling, in either words or imagery. How does one say, in just a couple of words, the feeling one has when lips touch for the first time? Yes, clunk, indeed.
Anyway, to your poem. I guess my intro was my way of saying that I sense in you the soul of a poet, if not his vocation. So, consistent with that, I will excoriate you appropriately. :0
Ambulances arrive everyday,
With - or without - sirens,
Hauling out - or in - their white-sheeted
Bundles strapped to gurneys
With - or without - green oxygen tanks
With - or without - speed.
I like this. It highlight how there is a sameness to the bringing in and bringing out. It doesn't judge, but one can sense the utilitarian nature of such a home. I like the "with-or without. "Everyday," seems like an unnecessary word here.
Kitty-Corner is a Bus Stop.
Little children play, swinging sticks
And bookpacks and each other,
Twirling like helicopters until
The yellow Bus arrives
Lights blinking, red guard-arm outstretched.
STOP!
Again, I love the imagery this evokes. I totally see this scene, and have seen it a million times. If you put "Bus Stop...Kitty-Corner" it gives a double meaning, and compresses the poem. It is the corner of kids, the kiddies corner. If you describe the things the kids do, is that not them playing? That means that saying they are playing is unnecessary...I think. I love how they "swing each other," love it, and then they begin twirling; which is cheap drugs for kids, as we all know. "Bus arrives-Yellow." This ends the playing, as they must now lumber on to the bus. Getting rid of the article would also be in keeping with "Lights blinking....STOP!" Wonderful.
I sip morning decaff, read the paper,
Gazing at summer leaves,
On our Norway maple.
How do you tie this final stanza in to the last? And, isn't it obvious it is morning? I admit to being confused about "summer leaves;" which is fine. Poetry need not always be understood, so long as it's lyrical. From your window springs such life, it really is staggering what happens right in front of us, everyday.
There is something special about the way you see things, and now I know why you are thought so highly of on the board. I can't wait to read one of your plays.
Basso
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in media res
Member
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Posted: Thu Mar 20th, 2008 11:57 pm |
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More great, chilling writing from the anonymous poet. Sheer brilliance of form and specifity.
I would title this for him as:
EASTER EGG-WHITE WINTER
Hazardous weather condition(s):
Hazardous Weather Outlook
Winter Storm Warning
Tonight: Periods of SNOW after 1am. The SNOW could be heavy at times. Low around 29. East wind between 10 and 15 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. Total nighttime SNOW accumulation of 1 to 2 inches possible.
Friday: Periods of SNOW. The SNOW could be heavy at times. High near 34. Breezy, with a east wind around 20 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New SNOW accumulation of 3 to 7 inches possible.
Friday Night: Periods of SNOW, mainly before 1am. Low around 30. Blustery, with a east northeast wind between 15 and 25 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 2 inches possible.
Saturday: A 30 percent chance of SNOW showers before 1pm. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 38. North northeast wind between 10 and 15 mph.
Sunday: A 30 percent chance of snow before 1pm. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 38.
Just lovely work.
in media res
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