Circling the Village - Critique my Poem - The Art & Craft of Writing

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The Playwrights' Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Poem > Circling the Village

Circling the Village

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timmy
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Joined:	Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location:	Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts:	380
Status:	Offline
Mana:

Posted: Thu Jun 19th, 2008 06:14 pm

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People in the village
call them something
other than clouds:

mirrors, shells, sky
hair in white flame

and you know the way
my voice sounds
when it’s cried all day

like it could comb stones
or create stones or carry
stones to the edge.

Imagine then, me driving
the village streets,
circling several times,
tree after tree
under endless offerings
of full leaves.

This is the way i feel
sometimes when you
no longer want kisses
under the street lamps
or the borrowed moon.

Please don’t ask why
everything that follows you

makes me your mirror,
your shell, your sky
hair in white flame.

If you do i will tell you
that the village maples
linger in mid-breeze

and everyone seems
to be sleeping or away.

Basso
Member