View single post by Jeccasdad
 Posted: Tue Dec 14th, 2010 08:51 pm
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Jeccasdad



Joined: Sun Dec 12th, 2010
Location: Port Hueneme, California USA
Posts: 6
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Mana: 
I don't know why you wrote this or what you want from me (as audience) to experience in watching this?  What are you saying that's new?  I agree with the last commentor who stated not to write what we can't portray.  We hear a door, we hear footsteps.  We can't know its from downstairs (as an example).  The piece is too short to support two scenes.  Can you tell the story in one?  Theatre is being there.  In the same space at the same time.  Use character names (MARY and JEFF) as opposed to She and He.  Be careful of using terms like 'She looks at the photo for a minute" (tends to be taken literally - if you want a full minute fine but then you write the note "now we see it's a sonogram".  It reads more like you're trying to write a screenplay than a stage play.  There is some nice dialogue (and unsaid is always best) but again we aren't divested enough in the characters to care.  I know this sounds all too cruel but I do hope this helps.