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| Joined: | Wed Jan 20th, 2010 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 75 |
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- For one, the premise hooked me and kept me reading. That's a good sign.
- I felt like the themes/messages about death were a TINY bit too didactic, but only that much so. It may be better to have Suicide stray from being the sole authoritarial spokesperson and have the two troubled women figure all the stuff out for themselves.
- Speaking of the two women, develop them more and the audience will really buy into their story. You have the flaws down, now give them some redeeming qualities.