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 Posted: Fri Feb 11th, 2011 06:13 pm
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Darkja
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Missing Pieces

By Todd Ford

©2011

 
At Rise: Greg wears a black body suit. Greg gathers pieces of clothing that has been systematically cut apart at the seams. He struggles cries and screams. Finally exasperated he gave up. A man approaches dressed in a black suit and shirt with a blood red tie. He places a hand on Greg’s shoulder.
 

Hooded Figure

It’s too late Greg.
 

Greg

I have to fix it. Too many pieces so many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

It’s too late.
 

Greg

It’s not too late. Just broken, damaged, needs to be fixed. So many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

You can’t fix it Greg.
 

Greg

Why? It can be fixed. Everything can be fixed. So many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

It was your choice.
 

Greg

My choice? I can’t remember. So many choices. So many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

You need to accept the consequence.
 

Greg

For what? I can’t remember. All I can see is pieces. So many pieces. Help me, please.
 

Hooded Figure

I’ll help.
 

Greg

You’ll help me to fix it?
 

Hooded Figure

No but I’ll help you see.
 

(lights fade up revealing another area of the stage another actor playing Greg wears the outfit that was in pieces in scene one. He stands talking to Rachel. Hooded Figure and Greg watch the scene unfold)

 

Rachel

I’m sorry Greg.
 

Greg*

But you’re all I have.
 

Rachel

I know that’s the problem. I need space We’re to young to be this serious.
 

Greg*

Please don’t leave me alone. I can’t bear it.
 

Rachel

I’m still here Greg. I’m still your friend. I just can’t be your girlfriend anymore.
 

Greg*

I’ll do better I promise. I’ll do anything…
 

Rachel

I don’t need you to do anything. I just need space.
 

Greg*

Why? I won’t let you leave Rachel. I can’t.
 

Rachel

Greg, stop, please.
 

Greg*

So that’s it then fine go.
 

Rachel

Greg, please try to understand.
 

Greg*

I understand completely Rachel. Go get the hell out.
 

Rachel

But Greg I still want to…
 

Greg*

No Rachel you don’t. You’re just saying that. Leave. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.
 

Rachel

Fine. If that’s the way you want it. Goodbye Greg.

 

Greg

Not how it happened.
 

Hooded Figure

It is.
 

Greg

Not how I remember.
 

Hooded Figure

Sometimes we see what wish to see.
 

Greg

So confused. So many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

Show me Greg.
 

Greg

Show?
 

Hooded Figure

Show me how you think it happened.
 

Greg

Not think. How it did…
 

Hooded Figure

Fine Greg how it did happen.
 

Greg

How I lost the first piece.
 

Hooded Figure

Yes, I want you to see. I want you to understand.
 

Greg

OK.
 
 

(Greg steps into the scene. The Greg dressed as him steps upstage back to audience his hands in front of him)

 

Rachel

I hate you Greg.
 

Greg

But you’re all I have.
 

Rachel

I know that’s the problem. You disgust me.
 

Greg

Please don’t leave me alone. I can’t bear it.
 

Rachel

What does that matter? We’d be better off without you.
 

Greg

I’ll do better I promise. I’ll do anything…
 

Rachel

You’ll do anything? What could a nothing like you do for me? Good bye Greg.
 

Greg

Why? I won’t let you leave Rachel. I can’t.
 

Rachel

How could a pathetic little shit like you stop me?
 

Greg

So that’s it? Then fine go.
 

Rachel

I’ve already left.
 

Greg

I understand completely Rachel. Go get the hell out.
 

Rachel

Why don’t you do us all a favor and just disappear.
 

Greg

 You’re just saying that. Leave. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.
 

Rachel

Goodbye Greg.
 

Hooded Figure

What happened next?
 

Greg

I lost something.
 

(Greg* pulls out a razor blade and hold it up)

 

Hooded Figure

Why Greg? Why did you lose something?
 

Greg

Wanted to feel. Felt numb.
 

(Greg* cuts arms of outfit off with razor. It falls to the ground)

 

Hooded Figure

Did you feel Greg?
 

Greg

Felt for a moment.
 

Hooded Figure

Then?
 

Greg

Absence. Gone. I was missing something.
 

Hooded Figure

But you didn’t stop?
 

Greg

Pain. Pain not stop. Had to.
 

Hooded Figure

You need to see.
 

Greg

I know. I there.
 

Hooded Figure

Please watch. Please try.
 

Greg

OK

(Light fade up on a new scene. Greg* stands fully dressed except for the arms cut off in the previous scene. Hank his father speaks to him. He holds Greg report card)

 

Hank

We have to talk about this Greg.
 

Greg*

I tried dad. I really tried.
 

Hank

You’re failing Greg. We have to do something.
 

Greg*

I’ll do better next quarter Dad. I promise.
 

Hank

That’s not good enough Greg. We need to get you help. A tutor. Something.
 

Greg*

Leave me alone Dad.
 

Hank

I’m worried about you. What’s wrong?
 

Greg*

Nothing I can’t handle.
 

Hank

Let me help Greg. I’ve been there. I under…
 

Greg*

Don’t you dare say you understand. You will never understand me.
 

Hank

Greg you’re my son. Please don’t shut me out.
 

Greg*

Then lay off.
 

Hank

Fine. Fine I’ll lay off. Just remember you can talk…
 

Greg*

No I can’t.
 

(Greg leaves slamming the door)

Greg

Not true. Why all the lies?
 

Hooded Figure

Greg you have to accept what you did.
 

Greg

Others did this so many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

You have to accept the consequences.
 

Greg

So many pieces. Can’t focus. Can’t see.
 

Hooded Figure

Try to see the truth. What really happened.
 

Greg

I know. Was there.
 

Hooded Figure

I showed you the truth.
 

Greg

Not my truth. Lies. Perceptions.
 

Hooded Figure

That’s not what happened?
 

Greg

No.
 

Hooded Figure

Then show me Greg show me your truth.
 

Greg

No not mine. The….The truth.
 

(Lights shift back to the prior scene between Greg* and his father. Greg* wears the outfit from the prior scene. One sleeve missing. Hank has taken on an attitude of anger uncharacteristic of the prior scenes)

 

Hank

How the hell do you fail so badly?
 

 

Greg

I tried dad. I really tried.
 

Hank

You probably did you disgusting brain-dead punk.
 

Greg

I’ll do better next quarter Dad. I promise.
 

Hank

No, you won’t. You’ve never been able to do better. Not like your brother why can’t you be more like him?
 

Greg

Leave me alone Dad.
 

Hank

What’s wrong? Are you ashamed? Well you damn well should be. You’ll never be as good as him and you can’t handle it.
 

Greg

There’s nothing I can’t handle.
 

Hank

You’ll never be as good as your brother or me. I understand that now.
 

Greg

Don’t you dare say you understand. You will never understand me.
 

Hank

Why don’t you try Greg? Why aren’t you smart like him? Why don’t you play sports like him? I don’t even get why I waste my time on you?
 

Greg

Then lay off.
 

Hank

No I won’t. I’m never going to lay off on you until you realize what a disappointment you are. How you can never be like him.
 

Greg

No I can’t.
 

(Greg leaves slamming the door. He stands upstage center back to audience)

 

Hooded Figure

That’s how you saw it?
 

Greg

How it happened.
 

Hooded Figure

How can you be so blind?
 

Greg

Not blind. Truth. I had to kill pain.
 

(Greg* pulls out the razor)

 

Hooded Figure

By destroying yourself?
 

Greg

Only a piece. So many pieces.
 

(Greg* cuts the arms off of his outfit and it falls to the ground)

 

Hooded Figure

But you didn’t stop.
 

Greg

So many pieces. So much pain.
 

Hooded Figure

I thought you did it to feel.
 

Greg

Wanted to feel life.
 

Hooded Figure

Did you?
 

Greg

Momentarily. Then…
 

Hooded Figure

The pain came back.
 

(Light shift to Greg sitting in front of a coach. Both sleeves have been cut away. He clearly looks dejected)

 

Coach Jackson

Not everyone can make it son.
 

Greg*

I failed.
 

Coach Jackson

If you want I can give you some pointers for next year.
 

Greg*

The one thing my father truly wanted from me and I failed.
 

Coach Jackson

It’s not the end of the world. In the end it’s just a game.
 

Greg* (snapping)

It’s not for me.
 

Coach Jackson

Calm down son.
 

Greg*

No, you don’t know what my Dad will do he’ll freak.
 

Coach Jackson

I can talk to him for you if you like.
 

Greg*

Good God no anything but that.
 

Coach Jackson

I can set up a weight program for you. So you can bulk up. Stand a better chance next year.
 

Greg*

Can’t you see? I’m a failure. I’m a nobody.
 

Coach Jackson

I wouldn’t say that son.
 

Greg*

You don’t have to.
 

(Greg storms off to upstage center back toward audience. Light fade to Greg and Hooded Figure)

 

 

Greg

Victim. They not understand.
 

Hooded Figure

They said reasonable to me.
 

Greg

Not true. You changed.
 

Hooded Figure

I have no reason to change it. I just wanted you to see the truth before you go.
 

Greg

Not truth. It’s lie. LIES.
 

Hooded Figure

No, it’s not. I want to see how you chose.
 

Greg

Didn’t choose. I forced.
 

Hooded Figure

No one forced you Greg.
 

Greg

I’m shattered. Piece so many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

Don’t you see you made the pieces Greg?
 

Greg

No they cut. They damaged.
 

Hooded Figure

You heard what you wanted to. You made the choice.
 

Greg

Not choice. Not what happened. They broke me. To pieces so many pieces.
 

Hooded Figure

How did they break you Greg.
 

(Greg steps into the scene with the coach. When he does the coaches entire demeanor changes. The coaches face contorts from his former friendliness to a cruel sneer)

 

 

Coach Jackson

I’ve never seen such a pathetic display in my life.
 

Greg

I failed.
 

Coach Jackson

Damn right you did. I’d never take a sorry excuse for a human being like you on my team.
 

Greg

The one thing my father truly wanted from me and I failed.
 

Coach Jackson

He expected too much. How could her expect a sorry, pathetic, weak sack of flesh like you to ever live up to your brothers legacy.
 

Greg (snapping)

It’s not for me.
 

Coach Jackson

It sure isn’t maybe I’ll give old Hank a call and warn him how utterly pathetic your performance was.
 

Greg

No, you don’t know what my Dad will do he’ll freak.
 

Coach Jackson

I’m sure he will. Maybe he’ll beat the sorry ass into shape.
 

Greg

Good God no anything but that.
 

Coach Jackson

Hey if it doesn’t kill you maybe you’ll become a sliver of a shadow of what your brother was.
 

Greg

Can’t you see? I’m a failure. I’m a nobody.
 

Coach Jackson

Maybe I should put you out of your sorry misery right now.
 

Greg

You don’t have to.
 

(Lights shift to Hooded Figure and Greg)

 

Hooded Figure

They tried to help you.
 

Greg

No. Didn’t see. He broke me.
 

Hooded Figure

That’s just how you saw it.
 

Greg

Cut me.
 

(Greg* lifts up the razor)

 

Hooded Figure

You refuse to see the truth.
 

Greg

Ripped me.
 

(Greg* cuts of his shirt and drops it to the floor)

 

Hooded Figure

You refuse to admit the truth.
 

Greg

You not there. You can’t see.
 

Hooded Figure

I see everything Greg.
 

Greg

No.
 

Hooded Figure

You need to see the consequences.
 

Greg

Stop. Please.
 

Hooded Figure

You need to see what you did.
 

(Lights shift to Greg* All clothing but his pants are gone exposing a black body suit identical to Greg’s. He is talking to Martha (his mother) and Hank (his father)

 

Greg*

It’s all my fault.
 

Martha

This has nothing to do with you Greg.
 

Hank

We just can’t live together anymore.
 

Greg*

God if only I’d gotten better grade, played sport, did what you needed me to.
 

Hank

You’re mother and I just don’t get along anymore. It has nothing to do with you.
 

Martha

We love you just as much as we did before. We just don’t love each other any more.
 

Greg*

What have I done?
 

Martha

You haven’t done anything. It’s just all been too much. Ever since Ben passed…
 

Hank

We just don’t know how to deal with it.
 

Greg*

I was there. It’s my fault. I should have…(he breaks down into tears)
 

Martha

It’s not your fault Greg. He drowned. You never could have…
 

Greg*

Please don’t do this. Don’t abandon me.
 

Hank

We’re not abandoning you.
 

Martha

We just can’t find a way to make it work.
 

(Greg* walks upstage)

Greg

Died. My fault.
 

Hooded Figure

There was nothing you could do.
 

Greg

Should have saved.
 

Hooded Figure

He was too far you never would have made it.
 

Greg

Broke me. Shattered me.
 

(Greg* pulls out a razor)

 

Hooded Figure

Please listen to the truth.
 

Greg

Everything changed. My fault.
 

(Greg* cuts down edge of pants and steps out of them. He is now dressed in a black body suit identical to Greg’s)

 

Hooded Figure

Please try listen to me.
 

Greg (screaming)

Lies. You show me lies.
 

Hooded Figure

No. It’s the truth please listen.
 

Greg

I’ll show you truth.
 

Hooded Figure

Greg please it changed you. You’re not seeing the truth.
 

(The hooded figure reaches out but Greg is already out his grasp and in the previous scene)

 

Greg

It’s all my fault.
 

Martha

It’s too late now.
 

Hank

The damage has been done.
 

Greg

God if only I’d gotten better grade, played sport, did what you needed me to.
 

Hank

Why couldn’t have it been you?
 

Martha

Why didn’t you save him?
 

Greg

What have I done?
 

Martha

You didn’t do anything. That’s the problem. We needed him…
 

Hank

And yet we’re left with you.
 

Greg

I was there. It’s my fault. I should have…(he breaks down into tears)
 

Martha

You should have jumped in. You should have drowned.
 

Greg

Please don’t do this. Don’t abandon me.
 

Hank

We can’t be near you.
 

Martha

You’ll never be him.
 

(Greg* falls to the floor in the background. Martha and Hank step forward in pools of soft light)

 

 

 

 

Martha

I found him still clutching the razor bathed in a crimson sea. I knew what had been happening. I knew he had been cutting himself but I just ignored it. I told myself it was his way of coping. The truth is I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t cope with the loss of Ben. I couldn’t cope with one of my children being cut down in his prime. I retreated into myself. I pushed away Hank and I lost Greg.  I lost the one thing I had left because I couldn’t deal with the pain. The weird thing is when I found him he was beautiful. It was as if he was sleeping. I saw that small child that I rocked to sleep in my arms. I saw that peace that would wash across his face when he slept. I held him in my arms. I cradled and rocked him. That’s how they found me cradling the body of my son his crimson blood smeared across my face. Days later when I realized what had happened. What had actually happened it was like a dam broke. I was engulfed in a blackness that I knew I would never be rid of. I was surrounded by the weight of my guilt. I had lost one son to an accident but the second. That was mine. I had killed him with my selfishness as easily as if I had held the razor in my own hand.
 

Hank

I found her cradling my son in her arms and I cried. I realized at that moment I had failed. I tried to save my marriage and to save my son and I had failed. After Ben I had tried everything in my power to hold onto my family. I had been strong and I stoic. I had refused to cry, refused to feel. It drove them away. I silently watched as my wife retreated into a silence I would never be able to break. I wanted to scream, weep, anything but I couldn’t. My son started to drift away. I tried to reach, to confront him, to let him know how I couldn’t lose him too but it only came out as silence. My silence killed my son. My silence sliced through his veins and my pain cascade out of his wrists in hot red torrents. I have been silenced by that endless flood. Left behind to grieve alone and mute. I want to cry. I want to scream to the heavens but I can’t.
 

(the lights cross fade leaving only a spotlight containing the hooded figure and Greg. Greg weeps silently. Greg’s insane ramblings become coherent sentences at this point)

 

Hooded Figure

Now you see.

 

Greg

They tried to help me.
 

Hooded Figure

Yes.

Greg

But I destroyed myself and what I thought I heard, felt, saw.
 

Hooded Figure

Lies, misconceptions, the echoes of a broken soul.
 

 

Greg

Drowned with Ben in the river.
 

Hooded Figure

It wasn’t your fault.
 

Greg

I watched him slip beneath the cool still surface.
 

Hooded Figure

There was nothing you could do.
 

Greg

I wanted to help but I was too scared.
 

Hooded Figure

You would have died too.
 

Greg

I’ve never felt such pain. My soul felt shattered broken.
 

Hooded Figure

You had no one to turn to.
 

Greg

I made my body a reflection of my soul.
 

Hooded Figure

And it ended you.
 

Greg

I’ll never get to say I’m sorry he’ll never forgive…
 

(The Hooded Figure lowers his cowl revealing Ben)

 

Ben

Yes he will.
 

Greg

Ben?
 

Ben

I’ve come to take you home.
 

(They embrace blackout)

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 Posted: Tue Feb 15th, 2011 03:11 pm
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Darkja
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Mana: 
Hey everyone. I would really love and appreciate any feedback given. What works? What doesn't? My only request is please don't re-write lines. I know that often people don't write comments if the poster hasn't critiques but I have. Please don't make me beg. :-)

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 Posted: Mon Mar 7th, 2011 06:13 pm
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Darkja
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Mana: 
So any thoughts? Comments?

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 Posted: Wed Mar 9th, 2011 06:15 pm
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Darkja
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Mana: 
I promised myself I wouldn't beg or please but...please please leave a comment. I mean 400 hundred views and no thoughts???

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 Posted: Wed Mar 9th, 2011 09:21 pm
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QuixotesGhost
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Mana: 
Hey, Darkja.

Read your piece and I have to admit, I wasn't a fan. The first half felt repetitive, in that same basic fact about Greg keeps getting restated over and over again: he is socially paranoid and assumes that everyone thinks the worst of him. We don't really learn anything else about him beyond that in the scenes with the girlfriend, coach, or his parents. I wanted a character with more texture, depth, and nuance.

The phrase "crimson sea" feels artifically poetic and sounds unnatural. Also in the same passage you use the word 'crimson' a second time. There's a loose writing rule (more like a vauge guideline) that says the fancier a word is, the less times it can be used before it starts to stick out like a sore thumb. For example the word 'conflagration' will quickly draw attention to itself if used too often, the word 'fire' less so.  

The fact that Ben drowned also drew a (probably unintentional) connection for me to "It's a Wonderful Life", which has the same basic premise, a supernatural force helping a man examine his life and the choices he's made (if you remember, George saves his brother from drowning). Though that might be an interesting premise to run with, the examination of a man's life where he didn't save his brother from drowning, didn't start a family, and didn't say things like " You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down," and investigate if that life has worth.

I also wonder if that "Ben?" near the end is needed. It might be more effective if you rely on the physicality of the actor to convey to the audience that this figure is his dead brother. I also wanted to see a scene with the two of them together in life to show what they meant to one another, this however is technically problematic since how do you get Ben in and out of costume while hiding from the audience that Ben is the hooded figure? It might be possible to put this hypothetical scene with Ben and Greg's earlier and pull a switch for the final bit. Though that's not the only way of going about it, in The Glass Managerie the absent father has a profound effect on all the characters involved despite the fact that we don't really find out a lot about him.  

    

Also, don't beat yourself up about not getting critques online. It can actually be detrimental at times (for me at least) posting stuff, because then you obsess (or at least I do) about what those 400+ people who viewed it might have thought about it; instead of actually getting more work done. You should get someone in real life to show your stuff to (if you don't already), either a friend, or a teacher, or a signifigant other, or a family member, since you get immediate feedback that way. As they say, waiting is the hardest part.

Keep in mind also, that scripts can often be a bit of a slog to read since scripts are not a completed artistic work, merely a blueprint for what a completed artistic work might look like once the director and actors are done with it. For this reason, it's often difficult to get critques on them; particularly for stage scripts in which the potential for mulitple interpetations is prized.

 

  

 

Last edited on Wed Mar 9th, 2011 09:30 pm by QuixotesGhost

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 Posted: Wed Mar 9th, 2011 10:19 pm
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Darkja
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Mana: 
OK then. Obviously this one didn't resonate. I do have people read my work by the by some of them saw potential in it. I was really just tinkering around with it to be honest.

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 Posted: Wed Mar 9th, 2011 10:49 pm
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QuixotesGhost
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Mana: 
I'm curious at to what was some of the other feedback you got on it. What did they like/ didn't like?

Additionally, I wonder what Ben means by "home" - does he mean an afterlife of sorts or does he mean back?

 

Last edited on Wed Mar 9th, 2011 10:58 pm by QuixotesGhost

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 Posted: Thu Mar 10th, 2011 11:17 am
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Darkja
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Mana: 
"Home" refers going to an afterlife. I write in the southeast and this is very common vernacular there but it will probably be changed for end product. As for what they liked ironicaly some of what you hated. They liked the poetic language. They liked the symbolism of pieces literally being cut away. They liked that it was a different take on a social issue. Rather than being preachy, which social issues plays can be, it took a more visceral approach. I don't know that I agree with you about seeing a scene between the brothers earlier I'm afraid that it would reveal too much at that point.

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 Posted: Thu Mar 10th, 2011 04:47 pm
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QuixotesGhost
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Mana: 
"Home" refers going to an afterlife. I write in the southeast and this is very common vernacular there but it will probably be changed for end product.
 

It's fine as is. It'll read - I understood it as such the first time I read it, but "home" has multiple meanings so I thought there might be a different implication there.

Last edited on Thu Mar 10th, 2011 04:48 pm by QuixotesGhost

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 Posted: Fri Apr 15th, 2011 10:02 pm
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ethrivrav
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Mana: 
What I liked most about your play was the ending. I agree with some of the other comments about the repetitiveness of the middle. I assume the broken language is symbolic of Greg's feelings of being cut up. If Ben had been wearing a hood when he died and there had been some allusions to that, it would be more than just a convenient device to hide his identity until the end. Also, would have liked to see Greg at least start to get the message and begin to forgive himself, before Ben takes him away.

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 Posted: Wed Jun 22nd, 2011 12:01 am
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Tomcollective
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Mana: 
WAY too "on the nose".

I also don't see a good reason to split the Greg role.

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